I'm sure that I've read enough to know that stepfamilies never work well. I am mad and angry if you ask. I never met my real dad and yes, because my mother married another guy I now have money, someone to pay my college, my health care, etc. But, am I happy? No, I am extremely unhappy and even suicidal. I can't have a normal relationship with men. I have to live with a person that puts me down every single time, doesn't give a f** about me but loves abusing me phisically and emotionally instead. This is not fair. I have to pay for my mother's mistakes. Oh wait, but SHE is happy. So it's worth right? I thought children were first, guess I was wrong. She has ruined my life, but she is happy, no problem. I have to live my life miserably so that my mother (who I don't love) can be happy, ok. I have nothing to do with this people. I don't even consider them my family. If they were dying I wouldn't save them even if I was offered money. It's a shame I still have 4 years of college and I have to live with them because I am economically dependant. All there is in my heart is void and hatred.
Hope this helps.

teachfamily, I think you can get all the stories you need just reading in this forum.

Aranhan, I hope the stress doesn't kill you before you get a chance to move out.

AramHan, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. My daughter and her step-father didn't get along at all either, and I actually left him after the way he treated my children, his own children, and eventually me became more than I could handle. He was always jealous of my kids and even his own. Nothing made him happy, and after seven years I packed up my things and my daughter, the rest of the kids didn't live with us, and left. I never regretted it. Reading your post I wonder if your mom is really happy or not. My ex-husband, not my daughter's dad, made good money and we were stable, but it wasn't enough to keep me there. People may have thought I was happy. I will have to ask my daughter if she thought I was happy or not, but I really was miserable for at least half of the time. Luckily I had a career that I had developed and with the help of my family, I was able to support myself.

It sounds like you are not able to do that right now because of your age, and it also sounds like you earned any help you are getting. Take advantage of anything you are offered, and don't let anyone make you feel you don't deserve it. I would be interested in hearing more about you, your family situation, and about the specifics of your experience. I would like to hear about things a little at a time. If you are interested in this, let me know. You can email me for more privacy, or you can just post the information. If this is too much, or if you wanted to try and then it didn't work out, I understand. Over the years I have found that at times, it is helpful to get feelings off your chest. It is why so many people keep a journal and why we know about the lives of people from 100s of years ago. I really am interested in hearing about your situation. I am not a psychologist, but have an extensive background working with teenagers and young adults. I think there should be resources out there for adults thinking about trying to blend families that would tell people the right way to go about it, and tell them about the mistakes.

Good luck to you in college, and please try to remember that even though you may really believe this very minute that things won't get better for you, I can honestly tell you that they will. I have felt that way before, and more than once, but today I am as close to content as I have ever gotten. I guess that is happy to me! Take care of yourself and I hope to communicate again.

writing a thesis?

EmmaR, you are right that there are lots of stories about step families and blended families, but what I am interested in is more than just the problems that are happening. I am interested in what led up to the problems; what people's expectations were when they married; and what they think went wrong. Does it make a difference how their previous marriages ended? Does it make a difference how old the kids were when the families were blended? What about success stories? I have been a step-mother twice. My first experience ended in divorce, but I had what I would consider a good relationship with my step-children, and even have contact with them now after their dad and I have been apart for more than thirteen years. The kids were in elementary school when we married, and middle school when we separated. My second experience has been very negative. My step-children are adults and all but one were out of the house when we began even dating. I don't think I did anything different the second time around, but the situation is totally different than my first experience. My current husband is a good father. My ex-husband was NOT. My current husband's ex-wife is insecure and their marriage ended when she had an affair. My ex-husband's previous wife was a secure woman who didn't feel threatened by me, and their marriage ended less dramatically. I am looking for answers not to fix my situation, but because I want to know what others could do to have a successful blended family.

If you are part of a blended family, whatever role, I would love to hear the particulars.

Thanks

No I am not writing a thesis. Wish I had enough money to go back to school, but I am really interested in this for personal reasons. I recently reached the limit of my understanding of this subject. I don't think I will ever be able to repair the situation I am in right now. What I don't understand is why I can receive an email from my step-son, a step-son from a previous marriage that began in 1994 and ended in 2001, and whom I still have a limited, but good relationship with, telling me that I was important to him, that he had good memories of back then, etc., and then look at my current situation with adult step-children who treat their father and I like we are not members of their family most of the time. I want to understand step-families and blended families so I can deal better in the future.

If you have anything to share, please do. Thank you.