Ages and stages...

16 years ago

Was reading the post about SS giving keys back and agree, given the circumstances, just have the locks changed in the least expensive ways (cylinders, I guess.)

The tangent about ages got me laughing. My son has a friend from school who is a little bit high maintenance. His mother doesn't do any of the things I consider 'right' in raising a boy regarding her personal life - always dating, making out w/ a guy in the school parking lot, ie, dressing inappropriately for school/work, etc. I often wonder what came first, the chicken or the egg...

Anyway, she called me the other day to complain about her life going downhill since her summer romance dumped her and her son came back from his father's - then added, "All the guys that are calling me now are ancient - one guy is 58 w/ a 4 y.o! Can you believe that?"

I let her talk, then gently added, "Do you know how old my DH is?"

She guessed and was way under. My DH is very handsome and looks great for his age.

I said, "He just turned 62 and we have a three y.o! And, the kids are keeping him young."

Well, any normal person would be embarrassed, but I don't know if she was. I had to laugh. I have a small email group who swear that 40 is the new 30, 30 is the new 20, etc.

I also laughed at someone on the other thread who gave the example of their mom seeming so old when she was the poster's age now - about a wedding and looking matronly, etc. I definitely believe that the chronologic age where one is considered 'old' completely increases w/ your own age, lol.

I also think that today, age is totally a state of mind. Down here (S.FL), many people are nicely tanned (yes, I know there's no healthy tan...), toned, and exercise their bodies and minds all the time, dress well, etc. Some people look amazing in their mid-50's and 60's, while others look and act "OLD". Sometimes I'll be treating an old man in my office, then realize he's YOUNGER than DH. Other times, it will be an OLD lady, who is also YOUNGER than DH. I'll even joke that he could be dating my friend's mother, age-wise, lol.

I've never smoked and do not drink at all. About 2 years ago, when I was 41, my SD wanted an alcoholic beverage while we were all out at a nice restaurant. She was 20, legal age is 21, and she asked me to get it for her. DH had no problem w/ it - being the non-drinker, I did - at least a little bit. Anyway, I proceeded to order it (a daquiri) and was 'carded.' Ironically, I hadn't taken a purse - just the diaper bag so I had no id. I tried to press my case, swore I was over 40, that the three little boys were my own and I didn't start having babies while I was in my teens, etc, and the waitress sweetly said, "I have to ask everyone who doesn't 30. Sorry, you probably are these boys' mom and you probably are over 21, but I can't serve anyone w/o an id who doesn't look 30." Well, she made my day and I changed the order to a virgin daquiri, which to me, is MUCH tastier! So, I got a compliment and didn't have to contribute to underage drinking, lol!

Anyway, just thought I'd add my $.02 to this age thing...

Dana

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Comments (7)

kkny
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I dont smoke, have occassional wine. The only man who has asked me out since divorce was shocked when I told him my age (about 12 years older than him). Frankly, I wasnt interested in a relationship with him, even though he is really nice. He is recently divorced with 2 young boys. He had told me his wife just wanted out. Even though divorce is apparently not his fault, I see two many issues with someone with young children.
vistajpdf
Original Author
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Yes, KK, there are a lot of issues. I really wish I had found this forum back when I had on the rose-colored glasses. I also wish we had stuck w/ counseling years ago, when we went once to get through a crisis involving DH's choices regarding the skids.

My friend is my age and never married, though always wanting to. Her two sisters have seven children between tje,, and kids were always something she wanted. She's a very nice person - religious, not a drinker, doesn't smoke, etc. I suggested two eligible men recently and she vetoed them both as one is divorced w/ elem. aged girls (who are great) and the other smokes - never married, fairly well off, etc. I was a little hurt that she wouldn't consider either - felt she was being too close-minded. I don't know, obviously DH and I are in a 'good phase' in our marriage right now, but during the bad ones, I'd have completely understood the desire to stay away from men w/ children. The other, I was hoping, she could inspire to quit smoking. I can't stand smoking, either (gives me terrible headaches to even be remotely around), but he's a great guy. Not many men are available, our age, and never were married or had children unless they walk to a different beat here...

D
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kkny
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I think there are plenty of men available -- and I think I am older than you. My Xs aunt found her third husband (widowed twice) in her 70s. I think if all a woman wants is a man as a person, plenty out there. I think if she wants to have children or wants $$, not so many for someone over a certain age.
vistajpdf
Original Author
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Funny you mention $$. I was speaking to this single mom w/ the difficult son about my cousin, also just wanting a nice woman - kids or no kids. Her ears perked up til I mentioned he worked construction and lived in a trailer. I'd NEVER set him up w/ her anyway, but her tune changed quickly.

My other friend who's never been married or had kids is 43, like me. It's hard down here, though. Lots of partiers, etc. She's not into that scene.

Dana
mom_of_4
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
your view of old definately changes in relation to your own age :-) I am quite young ... by most standards but I myself was just second guessing myself as to whether I was too old to be going to law school...

I think too with how aware we are about health and what not these days allows us to be 'young' far longer than in past decades

I was thinking about this the other day when I realized that my granny has looked quite old my entire life... but she was only about 50ish when I was born... where as you see people now turning 50 that look hardly older than 30
vistajpdf
Original Author
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I just responded to your law school dilemma on tamar's post to you.

But, I agree that we are allowed to be 'young' much, much longer. My parents are 73 and seem so youthful - great, sharp, contemporary minds, etc.

I had to laugh that I, too, considered my g-father to always be 'old.' Like your g-ma, he was in his 50's when I was born (my DH was almost 59 when our youngest was born - though a surprise, and DH was almost 57 and 55 for our other two when born, who were planned.) So, all of my life, I thought he was old. Then, when he passed away 2 years ago at 93, I cried that it was 'too soon.' While he was chronologically closer to 100, he still had the most amazing sound mind. He and I would always get together and talk about stocks, sports, celebrities. I miss him so much. So, after a life of thinking he was 'old', he seemed to young to leave this world when his time came...and a day doesn't pass that I don't shed a few tears for him. I really miss him. I guess that's the biggest compliment to have after you're gone - that your DD, g-DD, and gg-sons still miss you every day.

Dana
tamar_422
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
You all will get a kick out of this. I am the poster who mentioned how matronly my mom looked 22 years ago when she was my age. Yesterday, I walked into my kitchen wearing capri pants and a baby doll top (which I'm not nuts about because I think they look like maternity wear, but I liked the colors on this one). My lovely 14 yo DD was sitting there with a couple of her friends. Her friends said, "Mrs. L., you look so cute. You look so skinny." DD? She said, "Oh my god, mom! You are NOT wearing that. You look like a 45 yo woman trying to look like she's 20!" Of course, I had to correct her. I am a *44* yo woman trying to look like she's 20! LOL!

Ages and stages...

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kkny

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