help-

We have created some "no fuss zones" for our youngest (5), who tends to be a little more high-maintenence than the others. The car and public places are the two biggies.

I really think some kids are just hard-wired to be more "irritable" or easily annoyed than others, and I really think girls are more this way than boys. Both in my family and my clinical practice (where I work with kids all day), this is definitely the case. And our youngest is way fussier/whiney than any of the other 3, although her SS was a close 2nd place when she was little. Both boys were/are fairly laid back.

How old is your SD? If she's old enough to reason with (7 or 8), discuss it with her. Point out the times to her when she's complaining. Keep a talley sheet for a day, and then show her at the end of the day how many times she was complaining. Then, tell her it needs to stop. Maybe make a secret word or code that you can use to alert her when she's being whiny or complaining. Then have HER keep the talley sheet on how many times someone had to use the "secret word" or secret code. Make it a goal to have less and less every day.

If she's too young for logical discussions, time-outs for fussing have worked real well for our little one.

Do you have you SD full time? If not, is she just wanting a little more attention from her dad? Is she just doing this for attention? If she's back & forth alot, maybe it's her only way of "venting" her stress/anxiety, especially if she's too young to really verbalize. And maybe it's just a stage. And maybe she's hearing others complain alot about other things. Make sure you aren't complaining alot. I know that if I've been annoyed about the house being a mess or kids rooms looking like disasters, or nobody putting away pool toys, our little one seems to start in with her complaining about her own issues. So just be sure she's not following your (or DH's lead).

Just remember, this too shall pass...

Thanks. I love your tally sheet idea and am going to try it. Me and DH really try to watch our own complaining because we also thought that sd could be modeling our behavior if we complained too much.

To answer your questions she is 12 and lives with us full-time.

At 12, she is REALLY old enough to have active involvement in changing her behavior. As a matter of fact, at her age, you can just tell her it will not be tolerated. If you guys are out and about, and you have the opportunity to point out someone else who is complaining or whining, do it. Let her see how hideous it sounds. Figure out her "currency", and make it count. If she thrives on computer time, TV time, phone time, whatever...make that the sticking point. When she complains, address it IMMEDIATELY, EVERY TIME. And hold her accountable. At 12, you can change her behavior real quick. They are (generally) young enough to still want to please, but old enough to understand consequences/loss of privileges, etc.

Also, there are some good books you might want to check out. One is Love and Logic Parenting. It deals with lots of real-life issues, including whining/complaining. Also, there are some books about Spirited Children. And while she may not be "spirited" in every sense of the word,spirited kids tend to be the complainers/whiners, so some of the tactics that work with those kids might work for your SD.

The only other thing you might want to consider, is that at 12, she is likely broaching puberty, and some of this behavior may be "hormones" talking. Maybe not, but just a thought.

Good luck...I'm sure she'll be on track real soon!

I LOVE the secret word idea. This works wonders! The girls sometimes get rally bossy and demanding. "I want a drink." "NAPKIN!" "Put in this movie." Alot of the times it was one line demands. We told them they needed to stop barking orders at us. Now everytime one of them do it we bark like a dog in response. The reaction is a little smile and then refrazing the request to "May I please..." "Daddy would you....". It is funny to them and at the same time gets a point accross.

The secret word reminds me of the movie Meet The Fockers where the wife say's "MUSK RAT" everytime Robert Deniro's character starts getting aunrey:)

I love that idea, doodle. I think I will adopt it. I think my skids in particular, would be amused by it. I just hope they wouldnt whine more just to hear the barking

We use a secret word in our house, around puberty, when the kids can say the secret word if they feel we are embarassing them. Pre teens are often mortified when their parents talk about them in public, and my kids say a word, set up in advance, if they feel I am talking too much. It works great for us.

I agree. The secret word things saves everyone from mortification....hahahahaha.

If it were DH and I, we'd probably tease her that she could sit in the car and wait for us or sit at the table and not order and then eat at home.