BM Welfare Fraud

19 years ago

So my dh and I have reason to believe that his ex, who does NOT have custody of the kids and lives out of state maybe collecting welfare benefits for them. She made some comments in a recent phone conversation that gave my dh that idea. Anyways, she does not pay us any child support and my dh has sole custody of the children. She lives in another state (as many of you know from my previous posts) and has not had any kind of regular visitation with them. I mentioned to my dh about reporting her, why should she collect money for children she does not have or even pay child support on? He didn't really comment much and the conversation ended quickly. He is the "lets not make waves" type.

I keep thinking that I should press the subject with him, what do you think? Part of it is vengance on my part for he not taking care of the kids, but trying to brainwash them against us. Part of it is the unfairness of her getting free money when we support the kids. And part of me wanting to report her is just the fact that it is wrong for her to be doing! Advice??? And does anyone know what would happen to her if she is collecting welfare benefits for 3 kids that she does not have custody of?

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Comments (10)

southernsummer
19 years ago
I think you need to leave it alone.

It will eventually catch up with her.

There's no reason to have blood on your hands
and there's nothing to be gained by sending her to prison
or something else.
sweeby
19 years ago
It IS wrong for her to do if she's doing it.
And I'd be mad as HeII.
But I've got to agree with Southernsummer about leaving it alone.

The kids will only be hurt by turning her in and you'll make her even angrier.
She's not likely to accept any blame for her own conduct.
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I'm with you on that mmommy!! It's disgraceful. We work very hard to keep the kids in the dark on this stuff since it would just create even more issues for them. The oldest sort of knows what's going on becuase we're pretty strapped financially right now, and can't do certain things for him that we normally would be able to do. We don't discuss this with with him, but my sense is that he knows something's up. It's really hard to instill moral values and work ethics when this is what's going on with their Mom. It's like they don't understand sometimes that their Dad and I have to work for a living. Our lawyer is very confident that there will be no "willful contempt" found since he was paying support all along. He does plan on presenting the agreement to the court for documentation that she had agreed to the terms, and that she could have gone to court to change them at any time. And, you're right, most likely we will be able to pay it back in small amounts. He's also going to request that the court order her to find fulltime employment since she's "under employed". bud wi- You are absolutely correct. There is nothing we can do, and my husband definately messed up in trusting her. At the time they did this, I suggested to him that he take the document to the court to get it approved (it is actually a form from the state's probate court website that they filled out) He thought he was covered, and didn't do it. So now he's paying for it. How's this for a punchline...she was lying about her income, and working under the table to receive medicaid benefits which also enabled her to receive free legal support from the Woman's Bar association...Nice! The sickness in this all is that she could be employed full time at her job, but won't do it because she'd get less CS, and is really just doing all this to be nasty.
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If I received a distress call from my daughter to come, I would not automatically assume that she'd changed her mind when I got there just because she was not available when I arrived. In the OP here, that call came from a daughter living in an absuse situation and from a daughter who has tried to leave the situation multi times. If I'm being told the daughter is now not at home even though she just called me to come get her; was not taking my calls or answering my texts, do I assume she changed her mind or do I consider the idea that the abuser...the one she wass trying to flee from...will not let her leave? This BM is living with members of abusers family. How do I know DD's phone was not taken away and BF using threats did not make DD and kids get in car with him and not be there when her help arrived? I would not have left town without seeing about my DD, even if I had to have the police do a 'welfare check'. In my state police can file charges on their own on a domestic abuse case, the wife/victim is not the one who has to do it for the police to make an arrest. With all that said, I'm glad the kids got to see their grandparents this weekend, but I would not be too quick to encourage vistations with BM herself in the BF's home. When she calls next to see them I'd discuss vistations with some type of supervision/safety precautions in place.
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We could pack lunches, and we did that many times throughout the years. All the children prefer hot lunches and in the winter it is nice to have a warm meal. With me only working part-time we figured if we could qualify for reduced lunch then we should do it. And really even paying the 2.40 per day is cheaper than packing lunches for 4 children. My dh is convinced the state will not go after him for this mess. He told me that the person he spoke with says the situation does not involve him because he did not fill anything out, only she did. I feel like he needs to submit copies of those court papers to ensure our safety in this issue. He wrote down the contact info and fax number where he is supposed to send this paperwork. I am seriously thinking about faxing it myself! Why should we take the chance of getting in trouble? I am also going to our states welfare fraud website and doing an annoymous tip about her situation. And also going to the state she lives in's fraud site to report her there in case she is pulling the same scam there. But I don't know if I should. Its a hard decision. But it really burns me to know she could be putting us in jeopardy.
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"and make sure you keep documentation of your DH having the kids... school & doctor records/ receipts, etc." Ditto. Unbelievable. The system is just so flawed--doesn't seem to help those who truly need the help but enables those who take advantage. My SS's BM has been collecting welfare since he was maybe 2 years old. Since SS was born, she has had two more babies on state health insurance, the last one planned! Food stamps, cash assistance, medical benefits, the works. I will say---it used to work for her when she just had SS, but now she and her DH, with FOUR kids between them, are so strapped, that the welfare assistance she gets doesn't seem to make a difference. They are ALWAYS broke--I mean, like getting utilities shut off, no money for gas broke. They won't get ahead until BM gets a job. And she complains she cannot because of the little ones, but you know---she could work NIGHTS, wait tables or whatever, when her DH is home from work. What your BM is doing is unbelievable, though---pretending she has those kids living with her! Un-freaking-real. Just tell DH to document everything---all receipts for medical care or school supplies, or whatever you buy for the kids.
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vistajpdf
19 years ago
I didn't realize my aunt was your DH's ex...just kidding. My parents raised my cousin (aunt was unfit) and never got a dime, but she claimed him as a dependent, never offered a thank you to my parents, and at times, received welfare, claiming him, too.

It never did catch up w/ my aunt, though I don't know how long it went on to be honest. I was a teenager, oblivious for the most part and learned more about it as an adult as my parents were more vocal about my aunt.

Still, I wouldn't want to push DH on this thing. It stinks, we're all taxpayers and it isn't right, but even as much as I despised my DH's ex for so many unfair things she did, I wouldn't have wanted to make things rougher for the children, and you blowing the whistle would do just that.

Maybe, if you feel compelled to say something, you could privately tell her of your suspicions and say that you hope she is not doing anything illicit. A little fear could motivate her to clean up.

D
gardenandcats
19 years ago
This is welfare fraud.The welfare system is over burdened enough with people that really deserve and need it. I would find out for sure if she is doing this. Then if you find out she is inform her she has 1 week to cancell benefits or you will report her!
jerseystepmom
19 years ago
I agree that you don't want an all out confrontation, but following the advice of Vistajpdf and gardenandcats -- mention it to her that you suspect........?
sylviatexas1
19 years ago
If you even *hint* that you suspect or know, & she gets investigated, she'll blame it on you, & then you've really got trouble.

gardenandcats is right:

if she's drawing benefits to which she isn't entitled, this woman is taking badly needed funds away from poor people.

If I were in your boots, & I were sincerely concerned that she's drawing welfare (not if I were wanting to get her investigated to make her life more difficult), I'd make an anonymous call to the agency with as much information as I could gather, including her social security #...
& then I'd drop it & forget it, & if anyone ever asked, I'd say I'd never heard of it, I had no idea.

(I'll bet you never hear anything from her; I can't imagine anyone complaining "somebody turned me in & they won't pay me welfare any more!")
fleurs_gardener
19 years ago
I know exactly how you feel. Disgusted with these people who we may think are frauding the government.

I am suspecting someone very near to me is also receiving welfare payments when in fact the ex is still in the picture and supposedly contributing to the welfare of the children.

I thought of calling welfare. Then i decided that person will get what she deserves one way or the other in the long run. One cannot keep thinking they are entitled to everything and anything in this world without having to pay someday for their silly thinking!
lafevem
19 years ago
My DH and I had a similar conversation because his ex has his girls on Free/Reduced Lunch at school. Because I work for the school system, I know the income requirements, and just what my DH pays in CS puts them out of the limit (not including what her husband makes). Also, she received a 65,000 settlement from a car accident (don't get me started)and according to the guidelines, that is income that must be reported. So, my DH wanted his kids off of Free/Reduced Lunch because his youngest daughter wasn't eating lunch because she was embarrassed. In the end, he decided not to report it because anything he does causes their mother to commence all out war, and the kids get torn up. So, we had to let it go, but it is fraud and it is wrong.
sylviatexas1
19 years ago
lafevem, maybe he could give her some lunch money?
cawfecup
19 years ago
You would be surprised sylvia!!!!

BM here applied she told them the kids live with her and didn't show them the title to her $50,000 car. She told them she didn't receive support (or pay it). So she had the nerve to tell me they might come after hubby for support!!!

But you pay him support I know but I told them I didn't get any support so I could get benefits for the kids. But he has custody!! You are gonna mess up school records doctor records and insurances. Hubby is not going to be happy. Well if he would have just paid me $50 a week I wouldn't have had to apply ... pay you? for what I told him if I take the kids 3 nights a week he has to pay me $50. Well if you get paid I want to get paid too. I spend more "awake" time with the kids than the 2 of you combined.

They are going to let her know in 30 days or less if she is qualified.

BM Welfare Fraud

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southernsummer

sweeby

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