disengaging : I did like your presentation. I wish I can present my case just like that. There are times words won't come under lots stress. People such as yourself open up a door, I see it as wow, that is polite way to put it in... Great that tells me what I try to say it... In that aspect I do appreciate your letter. I really I have friends such as yourself, where I can discuss something of this nature, get a unbiased opinion. I was little bit frustrated with other posters, It is possible I was under stress, I am the one going through the good and bad, these people are not going through I am going through, at the same time trying to trap me, and make me look bad than worse. I understood my fall and my raise. I am trying to get a second opinion, because I do not want to run into the same path which was devastating path which caused me lose the person who loved me so much when we were together, now she is on the other side, it is gone. I am trying to recoup the loss and trying to get my head straight. When a baby trying to walk it falls few times, we try to help them out, rather finding faults that the baby should have held to the chair, if the baby did not, who to blame. That kind of talk is not help at least me. There were times, I try to type fast, lots of typos, irregular sentence formation. I am not a writer to impress everybody here at the same I have to present my case here so that some one is humble who could point out misbehavior and suggest possible solution. That is all I need from people such as you and others. I never thought I would come to a message board to discuss my issues. When things were rocking and rolling, never thought about there is a message board of this sort. Time and place, my action brought me here. I am still proud myself for seeking help, instead become alcoholic or drug addict or living a low life for ever and never get a break. We open up the opportunity, we shut the door. It is always we. What meant is that individual. Thanks for reading, I am not here to pi.ss people off, I learnt a lot from this message board. I would say I added more knowledge coming to this board. I will continue search for help if and when I needed it.

So, let me get this straight? He cheated on you with BM (yuck - at least it could have been with someone better!!) and yet he has never felt that he should be considerate of your feelings when telling you that "you should be the bigger person," etc.? He has always "taken her side" and you have always felt that he valued her feelings over yours. Before I knew about the cheating, I thought the entire situation was stinky but now that I know - how could he seriously say the things he has said when looking into your eyes and knowing that he betrayed you with her and was continuing to betray you?? I am furious on your behalf!!!

None taken Maime. I don't get sucked in anymore. I used to--and yeah, I used to get a perverse sense of satisfaction in being *right* but I don't get that, anymore. I mean, occasionally, I will have the odd chuckle to myself at BM's expense, but trust me---she doesn't live in my head anymore! thank God. I've been there and it wasn't good. Since April--the last 7 months have been the most peaceful of my relationship with DH. NOT having contact from BM has been so awesome for me. Unfortunately, my DH will not, for whatever reason, cut her out of his life. He takes her calls, relays info, etc. I can't change him, though. Anyway, if you read through my posts--where I was 1 year ago with her is so much worse than where I am now. I admit, she still bugs me at times---but it is nothing near what it used to be. You are kind of seeing a skewed view of things, too, because when things happen, I might post about them here. But what's different with me now as opposed to a year ago is that I LEAVE IT HERE now. I don't talk to my family/friends about the drama. Thankfully, the drama is really at a minimun now, but even so---when it does occur---I discuss it HERE and that's that. So it might *seem* like her BS is affecting me more than it is. That's the great thing, at least for me, about this forum---I have a place to get things out, hear other perspectives, etc. And then it helps me to leave the negativity "online" and to live my life.

"What do you think is creating the sadness and such anger in such a small boy? Can you find someone who can help him get out what is upsetting him? Has he always been this way, or has the change in his mother's household changed him somehow? Is he safe in his life? What is his mom's husband like? How does this man treat your SS? What is their relationship like? How does the step father respond when his sister's boyfriend hurt the little boy?" To systematically answer these questions... I do believe a certain amount of this is just his personality workup. I think that a certain extent of our personalities and characteristics are hardwired from the beginning. I do think he is a shy child to begin with and that this shyness exacerbates his anxiety, and he then turns that into anger/frustration. Not to sound like a "typical" SM, but I do think his BM is just an utter wackadoodle, especially when it comes to parenting him. She has ALWAYS, right from the start, done her best to belittle DH to her son. When I came on the scene, she was furious and did everything in her power to destroy SS's relationship with me. Up until about 6 months ago, she was STILL telling him that he didn't have to listen to me, that my DD was stupid, that his dad loved us more than him, etc. :( She is the kind of person that seems to have no control over her emotions--she is emotionally immature and she lashes out at people, and she talks to her son about things that are entirely beyond the realm of the parent/child relationship. When we went to court, she actually told SS that I was the one trying to "take him away from her" and that I wanted her to go to jail. So for a good portion of the summer, SS was cold to me because of the lies his BM was telling him. :( She withheld custody for 4 weeks over the summer and told SS he couldn't see us because we were trying to have her arrested. It was absolutely awful and when the courts finally intervened, and we got back to normal schedule...SS spent many hours crying and being very angry at DH and myself. The poor guy was just SO confused after all that had gone on and all he had been told. He actually asked us while we were on a family vaca in July---if we wanted his mom to go to jail because she gets drunk. DH asked him what do you think "drunk" means...and he said that his BM and grandma had told him to NEVER say that "mommy drinks too much wine." :( That is just one small example of the things he hears and is exposed to at BM's house. She treats him like a little adult in so many ways, and it has caused him so much inner turmoil over the years. His mom's husband is *okay." DH and I both think he is just kind of....a "hoosier," for lack of a better word. He's uneducated and he seems to lack common sense and doesn't treat BM all that well. I don't mean that he's abusive or anything, but I know he's dishonest with her about money, and he goes out drinking himself and lies about that and they are always fighting....he just doesn't behave with a lot of class. I know that sounds so snobbish to say, but it's true. He is good to SS in that he spends time with him, is friendly to him and genuinely seems to care about him. DH and I aren't thrilled with some language that he's taught SS but I think a lot of that just stems from his background and not "knowing any better." I think the main issue is that SS has a very emeshed relationship with his BM. He worries about her all the time. For example, she and her DH are planning their wedding---which, in itself is silly, because they have NO MONEY, and they are ALREADY MARRIED. But whatever. So SS told us a couple days ago that he is really stressed out because "his mom is broke for her wedding." UGH. I just hate that he is hearing about all these things. I don't know...I think it's complicated...and there are so many factors. Yet we can only control what goes on on OUR end for now. We cannot control BM or how she parents. :( Going back to court is STILL an option but we just have to be so careful with how we proceed. We have to slowly build a case and right now, depsite the drinking and problems, we just do NOT have anything conclusive against her.