So upset over drama

15 years ago

Hello again. I have not posted in a while but have been reading the posts when I get a chance. So much drama has been going on with bm and us since summer began that I do not even know where to begin.

The kids went with bm for scheduled visitation. She picked them up on a Thursday and was supposed to bring them home on Monday. During that weekend bm was arrested for drug use. Seems that her and her bf stole prescription drugs from someones home a while ago. Parents called police and somehow during visitation it all caught up with bm and she got arrested in front of the kids. We were not called and the children were left with a friend of bm's. I guess the friend was at her house during the arrest and nobody mentioned the kids?

After a day the friend realized that bm was not coming home right away and she called my dh. Thank god!

He went and picked up the kids from bm's home. We have not seen this place before. He said it was filthy and there was NO FOOD in the fridge or cabinets! In the only bedroom and there was one bed with no sheets and it was really just a mattress on the floor. The familyroom had a beat up couch. He said the whole place just looked grimy and clothes were thrown all over.

The kids were wearing the same clothes as when we dropped them off except with no socks on anymore. They were both dirty. They were both talking about mommy being taken away by the police.

So my dh was livid and sick over the conditions they had spent a few days in. He called his lawyer who did some research and found out bm had another drug charge recently as well as a dwi case-driving while intoxicated. The lawyer also found out that bm had been in rehab a few months back and then checked herself out. We knew nothing about it because bm skips visitation without calling frequently and we don't even ask for reasons anymore.

Lawyer suggested an order of protection for the children against the mom. So after much thought dh decided to go through with it. He got a temporary order that lasted a few weeks and then we went back to court.

The bm is still in jail, though her boyfriend who was arrested with her has been out since the next day. The judge extended the no contact order of protection for a year. So this means that she is not allowed contact of any kind for one year.

The bm's parents have now began harassing us. They are saying that my dh caused all this and he should not have the kids!?!

Since then we see bm's parents drive slowly past our house often. They even showed up with the cops once and tried to show some piece of paper bm wrote giving them custody of the kids! When we showed the court papers the cops apologized and sent the parents on their way.

My dh is afraid their harassment will not stop. The parents told him if he does not drop this order of protection that they will make sure he lands in jail. My dh says they will probably have people lie and say he did things that he is not doing. So now he is afraid to be alone anywhere for fear that he will need a wittness to attest to his innocence for whatever they may have people try to accuse him of.

My emotions are so mixed about this. I am so disgusted that she could be so irresponsible and be out getting in trouble. I am so sad for these kids because I don't even know what we are going to tell them about not seeing their mom.

And not to sound like a big cry baby but I am feeling overwhelmed. Having the kids full time is a big responsibility. We were doing it for a long time. But now with the added stress of bm's family I just want to cry. Why aren't these people using all this energy to help their daughter instead of hurt their grandkids?

I feel a little better that I let it all out.

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Comments (8)

marge727
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
It would be helpful to know what state you are in as state laws vary regarding this. I would hope that you have a 100% custody order,no visitation for the Mom.
Tell your attorney about the harrasment & threats from the grandparents. Your husband cannot drop the order of protection--thats for the benefit of the children and a judge ordered it.

Grandparents aren't going to be able to take custody from your husband, they do not have rights against your husband. They are after all the parents of a druggy, so the children would not be safe visiting them as bm has access to their home. The fact that the parents are threatening your husband would enable him to get a restraining order against them. The fact that you file against them makes it a matter of public record should they want to claim something later.
newstepmommy
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I also forgot to add that my stepkids have an older sibling that has a different father. The father is not in the picture. That child was also there during it all. We hear that the grandparents sent that child to go live out of state with people who are not even relatives. So why are they trying to get their hands on my dh's kids? So they can send them away too? It just does not make sense to me at all.

It broke my heart when my 6 year old ss looked at me and said "I am never going to see Andre again am I." Andre is his older brother. I asked him why he would say that and he said Andre told him that he was really going to miss him. We told him we were not sure when he would see Andre again but it would not be forever.

And Marge it is 100 percent custody and no visitation for a year. I am afraid to tell my state because I am just worried that the wrong person could read this. I am new to this forum stuff and not sure how easily this can be found so I would like to stay as annonymous as possible.
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ceph
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Just a quick thought...
Are the grandparents worried that the protection order against mom includes them too? Maybe they're just concerned that THEY won't see the kids for a year and are panicked?
Does DH allow them visitation with the kids, even when mom is MIA? Could it continue (or begin)?
newstepmommy
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
They do not see a problem with their daughters behavior and will defend her till the end. They have never asked for visitation in her absence. And we would never give it to them because they are both a little off their rockers anyhow. She does have one sister who is pretty normal and we have allowed the kids to see her and her children on occasion. But it has been things like a birthday party at a public place and my dh stayed the whole time or meeting at McDonalds playland. He has never dropped off the children with her family and left then there.
justnotmartha
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I agree with Marge - the harrassment by the g-parents NEEDS to be reported to the police. Take date/time stamped pictures of them driving by. Record phone messages/calls if your state law allows. Save anything in writing. Get sworn statements from those they talk to about this. No need to live in fear that they may do something. Be proactice, protect yourself and your family and keep your head up. It is sheer hell to live in fear each day of what might happen and will change you to the core. Don't let that happen.

I'm so sorry for all you are going though. Know that however difficult, you are doing the right thing. I feel so badly for ALL those kids.
dotz_gw
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Why didnt you know BM lived in a filthy place with no food and no sheets....That just didnt happen overnight, I m thinking
newstepmommy
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Bm had moved recently. Well she moves a lot. Anyways we had not seen her new place yet because she came and picked up the kids. Nothing in the court papers state that we have rights to go inspect her home. But my dh said that she was never much of a cleaner. He said he never saw her home ever look like it was looking when he just saw it though.
doodleboo
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Is she a crack head too....If so I think he was married to my husband's ex. It's not fun dealing with the drama. I KNOW! Just hang in there and protect the babies at any cost. Good Luck!

So upset over drama

Comments (8)

marge727

newstepmommy
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So upset over drama

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marge727

newstepmommyOriginal Author

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ceph

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