Doodle, I realize you are the one raising the kids. All I am saying is that to gloat about something that may hurt someone you love, even if it is about someone you have reason to detest is somewhat mixed.

I am totally confused as to how Doodle's twins will ever read this???

Doodle has NEVER once used names or anything. Yeah, she has posted some pictures, but even pictures don't make someone identifiable on the internet.

Starr, I am so sorry for all the different emotions you went through, and still do because of your bio-dad's actions. I truly am not trying to make light of your pain or what you went through.

I just think people are overreacting to Doodle's post. She was laughing at a picture, not the fact that BM is in jail. And again, she was VENTING and getting it out in a place where her girls would not know. I'm sorry, yeah, the internet is public domain, but how in holy h*ll are her girls ever going to find this post? They are 5 years old! and even down the road---unless Doodle used her real name, or the girls' real names, which she DOES NOT, they are never going to read this stuff.

I just think people are blowing this WAY out of proportion.

I am totally confused as to how Doodle's twins will ever read this???

Doodle has NEVER once used names or anything. Yeah, she has posted some pictures, but even pictures don't make someone identifiable on the internet.

Starr, I am so sorry for all the different emotions you went through, and still do because of your bio-dad's actions. I truly am not trying to make light of your pain or what you went through.

I just think people are overreacting to Doodle's post. She was laughing at a picture, not the fact that BM is in jail. And again, she was VENTING and getting it out in a place where her girls would not know. I'm sorry, yeah, the internet is public domain, but how in holy h*ll are her girls ever going to find this post? They are 5 years old! and even down the road---unless Doodle used her real name, or the girls' real names, which she DOES NOT, they are never going to read this stuff.

I just think people are blowing this WAY out of proportion.

"How would you feel if one of your parents went to jail, even if he or she deserved it?"

The first time my mom went to jail for DUI, I laughed my ass off! I love my mom, don't get me wrong~ she's my mom... but she not only deserved it after years of having cops 'escort' her home after a night out drinking (leaving me home alone to wonder if she will make it back~ while my dad was out working as a truck driver to support the family), she blamed my sister for her arrest! She ran her car into a ditch near our home and busted her lip... she staggered home and my older sister, who was 16 or 17 at the time, called an ambulance. She assaulted the EMT because she didn't want treatment & he called the cops. So, yeah my sister and I laughed about it... and I don't care if my mom knows we think it's funny that she got hers. She was a drunk, leaving her kids alone until all hours, sometimes overnight, and when she comes in bleeding saying she crashed and we have the natural reaction of fearing for HER safety & calling to get HER help... she blames her own child for getting in trouble when SHE was the one driving drunk. hahaha I should call her right now and tell her how funny it was because she still didn't learn her lesson! She got another four or five DUI's in the following years. And yes, twenty five years later... I don't have a problem laughing to her face and it's too bad if she doesn't like it. She should have learned from all the times she was escorted home without getting a DUI... or the first time she crashed but didn't get caught... or when she got that first DUI~ or the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th.

We're glad she finally stopped drinking but she has never gotten help. She does not apologize for the hell we grew up in, she can live with the fact that we found humor in her 'downfall'. Maybe I would feel bad about finding it funny if she actually repents or feels bad about doing it... if she actually learned her lesson.

and if it makes me a bad person to feel that way... oh well. She raised me.

I am so so so sorry you had to go through what the girls BM is putting them through. I love the girls very much and a big majority of the disgust I have towards Bm is a result of watching her do a number on these kids for the past three years.

You never personally heard your Step father having a negative attitude towards your BD but I am positive that if he went through what we are going through he most deffinatly did vent to someone at some point in time about his real feelings. If you don't you will go crazy and wind up another step family statistic.

We did the praying for BM. We did the offering a helping hand for BM. We did all the bending over backwards. It always ended in the same place where we started. It always caused hurt for the girls and stress and strain on J and myself. She is still, even after being convicted, making no plans to get treatment.

The girls will wind up hurt no matter how this story ends. BM will end up dead if she doesn't get clean and that will be yet another bomb we will be forced to drop. It's out of my hands and I feel hopeless and angry at BM. There is no way to make a child understand that they are in essence too good for their parent, that that person does not deserve their love and tears. There is also no way to make others understand how a person in a powerless position watching the carnage feels naturally elated that the offending parent is FINALLY feeling some of the hurt that the children have felt.

Watching a person cause hurt to the ones you love will make a person vengeful faster than any other offense. People naturally want to see those who hurt thier family pay. It's sick but that's why people sit in on exacutions. You need to feel that justice has been served. It doesn't make it right but it is a human reaction. It is a reaction that I as a imperfect human can not help but feel.

I would never ever rub it in the girls face that their mother is a train wreck. I would never rub it into their faces that she chose her destructive life over being a mother to them. I would NEVER. That would hurt them and I an fully aaware of that. I still can't help how I feel personally.

Venting and laughing about it is the best thing I can do for the girls. It clears my brain. Clears out the stress. Gets the load off my shoulders. It makes my relationship with their father alot better because we don't argue as long as I can get it out. It makes me a better mother because I am not having to always "hold my tongue" Which could end up in a blow up. I am better for the girls after a good b*tchfest and at the end of the day I am the one raising them so I HAVE to be in a good frame of mind.

I know you are not defending BM. I totally get that and I appreciate the point of view. If your step father trully never said a bad word about your BD then he is a trully good person. I am not that good though. I have to vent somewhere and better here than at home when the girls bring up thier mom for the fiftenth time in one night, do you understand what I mean?

I have never heard of Alanon and I will look into whether they have meetings in our area or not. That sortof thing would be extrwmely helpful in our situation.

Again I am so sorry that you and your brother went through that. I worry about the permanent affect this will have on the twins every day which unfortunatly makes me even angrier at BM.

I too am confused as to how two five year olds ten yearsdown the road are going to find this specific post. Anyway......

IMA-

I said the same thing. If my parent got arrested I would maybe not so much LAUGH but my anger and dissapointment would be directed at my parent. It's kindof a given that if you get arrested people are going to talk and probably laugh.

They post the jail report in our Newspapers around here! Everyone knows when someone has been arrested or if they are being sued or getting divorced. It is published in the Jail report and the Civil section of all the local papers and people look to see if anyone th know made the list.

KKNY "Silver, its not about talking trash -- its about gloating over a child's parent going to jail."

I fail to see the difference.

"How would you feel if one of your parents went to jail, even if he or she deserved it? Wouldnt you feel awful? Dont you think there is a difference between a parent's spouse being called a jerk and a parent going to jail?"

1. I would feel terrible. But it depends on why they went to jail too. Are we going to argue semantics? I do think there is a difference between someone being called a jerk and someone going to jail. But there's not much difference between someone calling another a jerk, and someone saying another deserved to go to jail.

Example:

1. KKNY calls her ex-husband's new girlfriend a homewrecker.

2. Doodle takes joy in her husband's ex wife's comeuppance.

"Stepmother is a title that is defined as dads wife. She will not become D's parent."

Well, that may be true. But it's not up to you to define their relationship, is it? Your daughter and his potential new wife may have a lot in common and become quite close in the future. Who knows, she may end up calling her Mom #2. Growing up, having children often changes the relationship children have with their step-parents. I know it did for me.

Love, Doodle has used real names. I think if anyone really wanted to find out who she was based on information she gave that it would be entirely possible.

Even If i straight up posted BM's name and picture and DOT number, two five year olds are not going to google her. We don't have a computer at home for one thing.

Even if they did google their mothers name her mug shot would probably pop up first. If they could read all the things she has done to them that they have no clue about they may end up not liking her much themselves.

Sad to say but it is possibly very true.

Silver -- I am not the one defining the relationship, I am just the one describing it. So your relationship with your stepparent(s) changed, apparently for the better. Did you stepmother have an affair with your dad, and did you ended up leaving the home you grew up in? I think my D resents this woman more than anyone. Her father has told D he is having affairs with other woman(women not certain) -- which IMHO TMI but certainly not encouraging any respect for his current live-in. I doubt D will ever call this woman mom. I doubt the woman would care.

KK

"Did you stepmother have an affair with your dad, and did you ended up leaving the home you grew up in?"

No, on both questions. There were other, horrific incidents which I will not hijack this thread in the telling.

Do you not see it as your ex-husband having the affair? Was his girlfriend married? In that event, it was not an affair, IMO. It's only an "affair" if you are married and cheating. Once again, you put the blame on the SM.

Doodle, I'm not saying the 5year olds are going to google their mother. I'm saying if someone wanted to figure out who you were, they could. This is not anonymous by any means.

I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, but it may be difficult to explain to some people.

so if you have a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend and sleep with someone else on the side or have emotional affair, it is not cheating and not affair? it only is if you are married? com'n, this is getting ridicilous. you can't be serious. Some people live together their entire life not legally married so them sleeping on the side is not cheating and not affair? so if people, who for number fo reasons live together but CANNOT GET MARRIED, hook up wiht someone on the side are not having an affair and not cheating????? so what difference does it make? tell me you misspoke.

"so if you have a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend and sleep with someone else on the side or have emotional affair, it is not cheating and not affair?"

I never said it wasn't cheating. FD, even the experts have a hard time defining what an affair is. It varies by relationship. Some women feel cheated on if their husband helps another woman with their groceries FCOL.

You ask what difference it makes being married or not. All of the people I know who are in long-term relationships and cannot marry legally for one reason or another have taken commitment vows. I consider this to be just as valid as a marriage. The difference is that dating for a long time and actually committing are very different relationships with very different agreements. It's the difference between "I love you I love you I love you let's live together and get a dog" and "I will wash crap off your bum when you are old and care for your children as if they were my own".

For me personally, I would define an affair as a long term sexual relationship between two people, at least one of whom is married to another person. Say, Mary and Jack. Mary is sleeping with Tony on the side. IMO, Mary would be the one having the affair. Not Tony. Not Jack. If I were to say that my husband were sleeping with another woman, it would be ridiculous, IMO for me to say that the other woman was having an affair with my husband. I made vows with him. Therefore he is the one engaging in the affair. Not her. I could give a rats arse about her.

What I'm saying is that KKNY is quick to say it's all the other woman's fault. She places blame on TOW, she places blame on SM's. I think she should look at the person who really betrayed her, and look at the part she played in the relationship.

Silver, I don't blame TOW -- but here's the rub. Dad did cheat, but he is still DDs dad. I constantly try to improve DDs relation with her Dad. Help her by cards, presents, remind her to call. I obvioulsy feel no reason I should encourage any thing re TOW. TOW is not a parent and has shown no reason to be trusted, and D knows it. This started when you say D may call her mom some day. Anything is possible. Likely???

No, this started when you said "Dont you think there is a difference between a parent's spouse being called a jerk and a parent going to jail?"...

And I replied that talking smack about your (ex) spouses (current or former) significant other is equally as damaging. You are saying it doesn't matter because:

"Stepmother is a title that is defined as dads wife. She will not become D's parent." You are saying it's ok for you to talk smack because she's not ever going to be your dd's parent.

I'm saying:

Talking smack is talking smack.

LOL I highly doubt kkny's DD will ever call this woman "mom". How old is DD? Too funny. and if dad breaks up with TOW, she is going to call next woman "mommy" too? She is already going to college, she is a grown young woman. This woman no matter if she is nice or not is never goign to be her "mommy".

silvers you understanding of affair is rather strange to me. neither person has to be married to have an affair. If my daughter's SO hooked up with someone on the side, it would be cheating and affair. of course there would not be formal divorce following but it is affair nonetheless. and they lived together only for 2 years, others live for 20 and more. and plenty of people do not take formal commitment vows.

FD, it would depend on your daughter's relationship. The mere fact that they live together (for 2 years even) does not make them 'committed'. If they have a meeting of the minds... we are not going to date anyone else... then yes it would be cheating. KKNY's ex has been living with his SO for years... but he 'cheats' but kkny seems to think his SO could care less, she stays with him. Maybe they have an open relationship? Maybe they have never discussed being 'exclusive' and his SO can date others too. I think that silver was saying that the partners in a relationship are the ones to define the relationship and that's how they decide what is actually cheating.

The problem arises when ONE partner feels more committed than the other and they have no discussion when there is no marriage. In a marriage or commitment ceremony, the vows or promises make it clear what everyone's intentions are.

In any event, I'll worry about DD calling her mom behind nuclear warm, global warming, higher taxes, ostereouperis, cancer, and my basement flooding.

Actually I wouldnt focus on what DD calls her (generally her first name). I wonder if some kids refer to step as parent in a very generic sense (as in, to friend, my parents are driving me to airport), not becuase they regard step as parent, but because in the context, there is no need to provde more info.

FD, I agree. She probably won't. There is a difference between "mommy" and "mom #2" which is what I said. I have started calling my best friends mom "MOM" after the age of 21 because she ACTED like my mom during that time. It was a term of affection. Who knows what the girl will choose to do? Who knows how their relationship may turn out? We don't know what KKNY was doing to contribute to the demise of her marriage. She could have been cheating too, but the bio-dad was too much of a man to tell the daughter that and took all the blame. Who knows????

My Point: it is equally as damaging to trash-talk the woman dad chooses to be with as it is to trash talk the woman dad used to be with. That was my point. The bio-mom should disengage (be ever watchful!) but not talk nasty about the dad's new woman. Believe me, I am going through it right now and it takes every ounce of willpower not to slam her around these boards. But she is not harming my dd, so it is none of my business. I need to be neutral so that my dd does not have a conflicted sense of loyalty, that if she is friendly with this woman she will be hurting me. It's her relationship. Not mine.

My understanding/definition of an affair may be strange to you. I wonder if you can find a clear definition of an affair anywhere?

Is it cheating if you talk on the phone once? Twice? How about 4 times a week for six months but never say anything leading or sexual?

What if you hold hands with someone else? What if you kiss someone else? Cuddling? Go on a date?

What constitutes an affair? It is determined solely by the people in the relationship.

Define "hooked up". Is that even proper terminology? Do you mean engaged in sexual intercourse?

I understand that many people do not make a formal commitment. IMO, and JIMO, if you do not commit to be with someone it is not an affair if you cheat. It's cheating. An affair to me is a prolonged, more than once cheating event that happens between a committed/married person and another person.

My ex-husband cheated on me. He did not have an affair. It is clear to me. But I think affair is a personal definition.

And that was not my point anyway. My point was that KKNY is blaming TOW for having an affair with her husband rather than blaming her husband for having an affair with another woman. Once again, blaming TOW rather than putting the blame on the cheating ba*tard where it belongs.

Silver -- "We don't know what KKNY was doing to contribute to the demise of her marriage. She could have been cheating too" - I wasnt.

On these board, when mom cheats, its a disgrace; when dad cheats, mom must have done something to encourage it.

Silver, I blame them both, but dad is still dad. And when his SO told DD I had cheated, he made her retract and apologize. He knows the truth.

"Once again, blaming TOW rather than putting the blame on the cheating ba*tard where it belongs"

I think, as a society, it is really sad how women are so quick to turn on each other. We view each other as competition---competition in the dating world, competition in the workforce, competition in the looks department, in parenting, and on and on. It's sad.

We are more alike than different, no? Yet this competition among women becomes blatantly obvious when a man cheats---it's always TOW's fault. Look at KK--she clearly has all this anger (and rightly so) but it is ALL directed at her DH's SO.

I just think it's really sad.

"On these board, when mom cheats, its a disgrace; when dad cheats, mom must have done something to encourage it. "

Not true. No one has once said that I did anything to encourage my husband cheating on me. I have had an entirely different experience than you. Please don't assume your experience represents the facts.

KK, you can blame them both. That's fine. I blame my ex-husband. He's the one who made vows with me. I didn't make any commitment with TOW, nor did she to me. What is she to me? Nothing. I place the blame for breaking a vow solely on the shoulders of the person who made that vow.

It's like saying, KK, don't eat this cake. And you say, Silver, I won't eat the cake. I leave. Your friend comes up and says let's eat this cake. I don't know her. She convinces you to eat the cake even though you know you agreed not to. When I come back and the cake is eaten, why the heck would I blame her? Even if you are my friend and she is a stranger? Nope. You are the one who said you wouldn't eat it, and I trusted you. Therefore you are the one I no longer trust, and blame for breaking that trust. Cake-girl is nothing to me.

No silver, you questioned what I did to contribute to the downfall of my marriage, and questioned if I was cheating.

I don't even have to say it. It is so obvious.

Talking trash in private about a kids bio parent who is absent is worse than a bio parent talking trash about a SO that is currently still with the other parent in front of the child. Wow. Just wow.

People who have kids are automatically exempt from sh*t slinging and consequences even if they are morons just because they have kids...that is news to me.

I think reality would disagree considering society (aka. the real world) treats offenders,idiots, movie stars who pull moronic stunts, etc. etc. who have children the same as it would a childless person.

"No silver, you questioned what I did to contribute to the downfall of my marriage, and questioned if I was cheating."

No, I did not question. I simply presented the possibility of such events to make the point that it's the daughter's relationship with the SO of the father and the bio-mom shouldn't trash talk the new SO because who knows what the future will bring. Who knows how the relationship between the daughter and the SO and Dad may develop. Who knows what EXACTLY happened.

The reason I said that was because my mother talked trash about my father's SO and I took her side out of misguided loyalty. Later on I saw how inappropriate it was for her to
even discuss it with me. That's for doing with your girlfriends, not with your daughter. I ended up feeling sorry for my SM because my mother blamed so much on her and none on my dad. It takes two...

Exactly Doodle. Trash is trash. Mudslinging is mudslinging. My mother used to say "trash comes in all colors, dear".

KKNY made this comment:
"The mom said she didnt understand how schools worked -- I guess she didnt learn that much working the beauty counter at Bloomies."

How is THIS not catty trash talking?
They must have balls of brass to say there is even an ounce of difference.

It is, but it's ok because she is:

1. The bio-mom. Bio-moms can do no wrong.
2. Educated. Evidently those who are educated deserve better treatment than those who are not. Those who are educated don't need their husband's money to provide for their children and can do it all themselves...

And...
3. The Bloomies woman is not her child, not related to her, and it stupid to boot. It's a trifecta. When that happens, one is allowed to say what they want about that person.

BTW, both of my parents are extremely intelligent with remarkable IQ's and many commendations. They call most people who flaunt their college degrees "educated idiots".

Remember, Bush graduated from Yale... AND Harvard.

Remember, Bush graduated from Yale... AND Harvard.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A lot of posters have made the occasional tacky comment about the other women in their lives or in their husbands'/boyfriends'/children's/stepchildrens' lives.

but no, that is not the same as all-out, vicious, repetitive, obsessive assaults on another person.

It isn't the same as spending good, useable time looking up the person on the internet & rejoicing that she looks bad in orange & that her failures are public record & then spending even more time arguing with everyone who objects to the viciousness of the attack.

It is not the same as saying you wish another person would just die.

It is not the same as opining that children probably wouldn't like their own mother if they knew "the truth" about her.

& if it were *exactly* the same, it would not justify similar behavior.

I didn't realize that your husband has a history of drug use, too...

maybe you obsess about the ex-wife because, at some level, you realize that he could have easily gone down the same road as the mother of his children.

Having engaged in the same behavior as his ex, if he hadn't been lucky enough to have a metabolism that simply isn't susceptible to addiction, he'd be in exactly the same condition as his ex.

one of those "there but for the grace of God" things.

Maybe you should devote a little time to that Christian religion you profess to believe in, you know, the one that teaches kindness & charity & humility & not casting the first stone & stuff like that.

I am so so so jealous and obsessed with BM. You totally nailed me. It has nothing to do with any of the trouble she has caused or the fact that she has more or less rocked my families world for the past two years. That has NOTHING to do with me laughing at all.

Try jumping everytime the door or phone rings for that length a time and let me know how much you care about the person making you anxious. I am so over defending myself. If she didn't want me, then one she has PERSONALLY tried to f*ck over and the one who has watched her hurt her kids countless times, laughing at her mugshot she should of kept her skinny strung out tail out of the slammer.

In the words of Forrest Gump; "And thats all I have to say about that."

100 % agree with ya, Doodle.

Sylvia, this woman we are talking about is not mentally ill. She's not some person with bipolar disorder who went on a manic spree and did some crazy stuff and wound up arrested. If that were the case, I could MAYBE gather up some sympathy.

This woman is a DRUG ADDICT. And I am sorry, but I don't buy that drug addiction is a *disease.* It's not. It is a choice. I understand that addiction is a tough, tough thing to beat, and I am NOT saying this BM isn't in a horrible situation. But SHE put herself there.

As far as Doodle laughing...walk a mile, Sylvia. Walk a mile.

What Sylvia says is true. It's not the same. But isn't that up to God to judge us? Are we keeping track of who is the most wrong? Does it matter? Do two wrongs make a right? Is it better to be catty and mean than to laugh and point fingers? Will one get me one pitchfork in the back while the second get me two?

Where is the sliding scale by which we judge others? Doesn't the Bible say in Matt 7:2-5 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged"?

Sylvia may be somewhat righ but on the same track other hand:

Is it not just as bad how all the people here has judged ME? Sylvia is pretty high and mighty in some of her statemetns as well. Is it not the same thing? Maybe everyone should just move on and get over it for fear of us all going to hell.

I se what your post meant now. I didn't get your jist till just this second.

I don't know, Silver. I really didn't take it that Doodle was judging or whatever.

She was venting and laughing and getting some feelings off her chest for a few minutes!

This has all been blown so far out of proportion it's not even funny.

No one is perfect and ALL of us have laughed inappropriately at one time or another! I guarantee it. It seems to me---if stones are being thrown, they're being thrown at DOODLE.

Love, I'm not talking about Doodle judging bio-mom, I'm talking about judging Doodle and KKNY by the same stick.

Doodle: Made fun of at Bio-Mom
KKNY: Made fun of Bloomies woman

Sylvia is saying tacky comments are ok, but what Doodle is doing is not ok. I'm saying, who are we to judge which is worse in the eyes of God (because Sylvia says Doodle should turn to her religion).

"Bloomies woman"

Stop it or I'm going to have to laugh again:)

Because I dont make fun of my beloved child's Dad. Because I love her.

"Because I dont make fun of my beloved child's Dad. Because I love her."

Says KKNY with a slight shinning down on her and angels singing behind her.

You wouldn't speak ill of that man even if he murdered people KKNY and it isn't just becasue he is your DD's dad.

"Love, I'm not talking about Doodle judging bio-mom, I'm talking about judging Doodle and KKNY by the same stick"

Gotcha Silver. I misunderstood, I'm sorry.

"Love, I'm not talking about Doodle judging bio-mom, I'm talking about judging Doodle and KKNY by the same stick"

Gotcha Silver. I misunderstood, I'm sorry.

When all esle fails, accuse mom of carrying a torch for dad. How juvenile

No prob. :)

I really am but sometimes I just can't find any other explaination for some of the viewpoints you have. If you consider your DD as much as you say it just seems you wouldn't have risked alienating her by telling her the divorce details and planting poison by bad mouthing her dads GF in front of her all the time.

I don't say anything negative at all abour BM's situation in front of the girls. I may say a situation is unsafe but I don't say "because your mom ran off with a druggie boyfrined who is a creep and beats on her."

Doodle, she is older than your kids. She realized after the fact that her father was seeing this woman while he was married. How do you think she feels? I didnt tell her.

OMG! Doodle, you go right ahead and laugh your pants off. Maybe that train wreck of a woman has hit her bottom and will finally get some help? Or perhaps this isn't low enough for her and she will continue on her downward journey. Only time will tell.
As for the kids, thank goodness they have their dad and you!
For those saying "oh how sad for the kids, and shame on doodle for laughing" ....get real. Those kids are going to have to deal with their mothers addiction eventually if not already. Yes, it is shameful, embarrassing, and all that icky stuff....but they have to work through all that to find their own healing. Doodle rejoicing in their mothers "here's yours" is nothing. It isn't like she is doing it in front of the kids, so all of you high and mighties just need to stick it!
Comparing this to that is so stupid. It just is what it is, and nothing more.

must people bring Bible here? if it is going to turn in Bible quoting forum, i am outta here, let me know now.

"I wonder if some kids refer to step as parent in a very generic sense (as in, to friend, my parents are driving me to airport), not becuase they regard step as parent, but because in the context, there is no need to provde more info"

KKNY my DD never did, and we were divorced since she was 4. She always said my dad and (first name) driving me to XYZ. DD never refered to SM as a parent, she always refered as --------(insert first name). She also often refered to her as A's mom (A is her brother), she would say I went with dad, A, (first name) and if people asked who is she, she would say she is A's mom. Now DD gets along wiht people nicely and gets along wiht people, but she only has one mom and one dad. Even if we both die tomorrow. maybe if we died when she was little someone else would be her parent, but luckily it was not the case.

DD has friends coming from divorced families and they either use first name or a stepparent if parents were married for long. NONE refers to them as mom or dad no matter how long they were married.

I have to agree with the person who said she'd be horrified if her stepdad said something like that.

1) the internet is NOT anonymous, Doodle has already outed a friend by mentioning some quite specific details about him and the businesses he owns. I suggested she be more careful, she shrugged it off. Kids could certainly find this out.

2) WITHOUT bringing bibles et al into it, I do think the axiom "judge not lest ye be judged" is something worth adhering to - we all of us are "there but for the grace of xxx go I" and we want to teach our children not to rejoice in others' misfortunes.

3) I would not be honest if I didn't admit that I've taken some perverse pleasure in some of my ex's misfortunes in a weak moment, but I know it was wrong and I was contrite and never said it in public, and extended my hand to ex in sympathy when bad things happened to her.

I understand it's a release and I also understand that she's venting here (better to write it down and burn it), but I think it's very difficult to not let that thinking extend unconsciously into our everyday behaviour. I wouldn't be surprised if there's an involuntary grimace on many of our faces when we hear mention of our ex.

Kids will often idealise the bad, abusive parent even if they are in the wrong. Something like this could turn the stepkids against the OP forever.

We should all accept this outcome is a tragedy for all involved, including the BM. I couldn't take any joy from it. I think it's kind of bad taste.

and I think it is just desserts...who cares? It should make no difference to any of us if doodle wants to come here and get in a good laugh among those who would understand where she is coming from. Give it a rest.

::bringing bible:: slamming on the forum floor now get out!!!