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Summer visitation

19 years ago

The 3 kids are coming to stay for 1month for the summer (3, 7, and 9 yo). Have any suggestions. Never had them for that long!!!

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Comments (8)

kkny
19 years ago
They are supposed to be visiting Dad. What ideas does he have? I had planned out my DD s dummer in March. That is what most Moms do. In any event, I would look to local Y camps, etc. Church. Neighbor's children.
doubts07
Original Author
19 years ago
He mentioned VBS (vacation bible school) at the church. I'm thinking at night time and on the weekends. I guess your right... I always like to have a plan or some suggetions for activities in my back pocket because them sitting around the house watching disney all day ....... i refuse to let that happen
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Dd asked her therapist to ask dad for a phone of her own. I'm actually against her getting in to having her own phone but if it were to just call me or dad then I would pay for it myself. Its $10 a month. Therapist thought it would be a good idea so she mentioned it to dad and he said no. He doesn't allow cell phones. Therapist has not been pleased with dad ignoring dd's requests so I expect her to let the judge know. There are so many things but there are ways around the courts. Dad could say phone was dead or they lost it or he could 'remove' it when dd isn't looking and then say it was lost. Or he could use it as punishment for behavior which I doubt he would need to do because dd is so scared to misbehave with him. She isn't afraid of dad by the way, but SM is very scary to her. The only thing that keeps me sane sometimes is knowing that dd has stepsister there with her and I think that keeps dd sane as well. She says she is scared to be there alone. Not because they would hurt her but it's unfamiliar to her. She doesn't like spending the night with people. She likes being at home. She would much rather a friend spend the night than go anywhere. And I think going to bd's is no different. It's just new and the room is different. She says she is scared of the noises and the tree outside the window. Etc. Nothing to do with bd or SM just dd not being familiar. She calls me from school on Thursday's and Fridays to say 'good night'. It's sad. She should be able to pick up the phone and say, good night right before getting in to bed. I remember when she was about 6, it was her first holiday away and she was gone for a week. She called half way through the week and was ok at first but it was about mid sentence #2 when she just bust in to tears and said she wanted to come home. They took the phone and hung up. I didn't even say anything to make her cry, she literally had just said hi mommy and I said HI DD!! How are you?? And she just bust in to tears. I do not believe they were being mean, I believe she was 6 and home sick. Nothing more. But they think that if she misses me it's disrespectful to them. There are times that out of the blue DD will say 'I miss my dad' and I always ALWAYS give her a hug and say I know but youll see him (fill in the date). If they did that, she would be fine. If they just let her know it is OK to miss someone then she probably would feel more comfortable. I hate to think what all of this does to her mind. Like what little things are swirling around in that brain when they do things like this. She always gets a tummy ache before she goes to their house. Never fails, Wednesday she is clingy and sick. I just comfort her and act like it's just a belly ache... Never fails though. She is never excited. My dd is a spitting image of her dad. Down to the shape of her toes and toe nails. I'm not even sure who the mother is. Lol I just wish he could enjoy every little minute instead of it being about erasing her life from the moment she arrives to the moment she leaves. I know this is awful of me but I'm going to admit it anyway. If we don't get what we want (no school nights) then we are moving. We live close so that this will be easier on dd. I don't transport her so it didn't matter to me if we lived 99.9 miles away. (we have to stay within 100 miles) But I knew that he would get his visitations back (it's what I wanted also. What's best for dd). I knew that if we lived far like we were, school mornings would be awful for her and/or he wouldn't get her. If they don't make changes, we are moving back. We moved away from everything to be closer so it would work out but I'm not staying here and putting dd through this again. I know I might get slammed for saying it but I'm already ready to move. We rent because we weren't sure where we would settle and this trial is going to be the deal breaker for us. Move back to where we are from and where our family is or stay here to keep dd close to bd. I sure wish he would just see the sacrifices we have made as a family to help him and dd have a better, closer relationship. I thought he would be more involved but he's not. It really did nothing for us. We actually hate this town. And this situation makes me hate it even more.
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All I can say is that I empathize and feel your pain. I logged on here to lodge a similar complaint. My DSS 14 hardly ever wants to visit as ordered EOW (unless it is his birthday, Christmas, etc.) He lives 2 hrs away w/ DSS 12 and BM. He came last weekend (his dad's birthday) and sent text messages almost constantly for 2 days! I was ready to throw his cell phone out the window! On Day 2, the day he was to go home, he acted like he was in pain or had a burr up his you-know-what all day. He wanted to get home to his friend's sleepover birthday party Sat. night which DH had scheduled our weekend around but DSS was upset because he wanted to be there earlier in the afternoon. So he made the whole family miserable through his cousin's high school graduation and swim party afterward, refusing to swim with his cousins and bros, keeping a stern look on his face and not talking except to mumble when spoken to. I'm almost certain that coming for a whole week is out of the question for him this year, and doubt DH will ask, although I believe DSS 14 will go with us for a week to the beach, but at this point, even that is uncertain. It breaks DH's heart but he will allow him to do whatever he wants. DH has not and will not tell him, "No," or force him to do anything. BM allows him to do whatever he wants, and DH is afraid if he makes things difficult for DSS 14, he will refuse to come altogether. I think there has to be some happy medium, but as a SM of 9 years, I learned years ago to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT because I can't win. So, I do come here to vent. So I guess the problem in my situation is, even if DH can force DSS to come (and I believe he can), is that really worth it due to all the misery inflicted upon the rest of us from his bad mood. I'm just hoping DSS 12 doesn't hit this in the near future!
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kkny
19 years ago
At night and weekends they should be spending their time with dad. he should be thinking about activities. This is his visitiation, not yours.
lafevem
19 years ago
As I assume you are in your husband's partner in marriage, and he may have to work while the children are visiting, I think it is commendable that you are looking into activities you can do with the children. My children range in age from 1 to 17 (bio and step-they are all my children), so it is sometimes difficult to plan activities they will all enjoy. I am blessed to live in Orlando, so there are tons of theme parks, but that can get expensive after a while. This summer, I had a cooking day with the kids (we baked cakes and brownies), we went to a local petting zoo one day and then came home and did more research on their favorite animals, we went to a local springs and went canoeing, went to a couple of water parks that let you bring in a cooler to save on food prices, went to the flea market and gave each child a set amount to spend on what they wanted (good lesson in budgeting and patience), went to the beach one day, I bought pots for each of my middle two to plant clippings of a larger plant I have and they painted the pots, we had a couple of lazy around the house movie watching days, went to my parent's pool several times, went to a movie matinee because they all wanted to see Ratouille, my DH set up a tent in our backyard one night and he and the middle two camped out and we made indoor smores (that was a mess, but fun), went bowling and roller skating (look around-most places have a family day when the rates are lower),etc. Also, look for magazines like Family Fun. They give lots of great ideas. My DH was able to arrange his schedule to be with us most of the time (he is self employed), but sometimes he had to work, and as I am usually the social planner of our family anyways, I planned most of the events. I totally understand wanting to keep busy, or if the children are anything like mine, your house would be a disaster area...lol. None of my kids (bio or step) are into being away from us, so we didn't do any day camps or anything, so can't be of more help there. My kids (again both bio and step) went to VBS at our church...it was at night..and my DH and I were in charge of recreation so we were there with them. Good Luck and Good for you for trying to plan a fun visit.
jessegirl
19 years ago
Hey Doubts07,

So to answer the question that you had... Obviously you're tyring to help out your DH, and make things nice for his children on their visit. A lot of fathers have trouble planning ahead....The first Summer my SS had come to live with us, I planned some daytrips while his father was working, since he was home with me all day. There are some great passes at our local library for the Zoo, Science Museum, and State parks with Hiking and swimming. If you're working during those hrs too, than a local Y like KKNY mentioned, or possibly the local Boys and Girls club have programs too. Some offer day trips to local attactions if you and/or DH can't take them yourselves.
Do you have anything like that in your area?
doubts07
Original Author
19 years ago
Thank You so much lafevem and jessegirl for your suggestions. He will not always be there so planning ahead is the best way for me to deal with things. You all are life savers!!!! Men have the tendency not to plan ahead and activities to keep them busy takes planning.
lafevem
19 years ago
Jessiegirl: I forgot the library. Great Suggestion! Ours has a free story time once a week which would be great for little ones. Also, our movie theater (AMC) has Free Movie Wednesdays. They are in the morning and the movie is free. They are older movies, but still good for an outing and fun to see on the big screen.
cawfecup
19 years ago
First off I would get a rainy day kit.... coloring books crayons board games markers puzzle books etc. keep them in a tote only pull them on when its boring time when they are getting on your nerves or each others. and put it away when done.

Library is a great idea even for movies you can rent free movies make it a field trip even the 3 yr old can get a movie they like.

Look around for free newspapers they usually have "free events" listed in town.

Do you like to bake ... let the kids bake cookies all of them can mix and make lots of recipes kid friendly peanut butter cookies etc.

Have picnic lunches in the park ... do you live near a beach? free entertainment

We have a schedule for everything ... menus ... wednesdays is kids night in our house they get to pick the meals make desserts I take them shopping and get all the ingredients for what they want to make for dinner.

Lots of stuff you can do visit the dollar store grab a bunch of stuff ... jump ropes and hula hoops if you don't have them sand toys almost out of season ...

look online for coloring pages or hidden image pictures there are tons to print out ... all about me books (hope you have enough ink in your printer)

If you need more just let me know I could go on for days ;-)

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