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Summer visitation

16 years ago

The 3 kids are coming to stay for 1month for the summer (3, 7, and 9 yo). Have any suggestions. Never had them for that long!!!

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Comments (8)

kkny
16 years ago
They are supposed to be visiting Dad. What ideas does he have? I had planned out my DD s dummer in March. That is what most Moms do. In any event, I would look to local Y camps, etc. Church. Neighbor's children.
doubts07
Original Author
16 years ago
He mentioned VBS (vacation bible school) at the church. I'm thinking at night time and on the weekends. I guess your right... I always like to have a plan or some suggetions for activities in my back pocket because them sitting around the house watching disney all day ....... i refuse to let that happen
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"BM makes more money and says things like "I've already consulted an attorney"." Call her bluff... say "so have we" She may have consulted an attorney, but it is a tactic she is using to intimidate your DH into relenting and not going after his rights. For YEARS, BM told DH that she had called "J", her attorney that handled her divorce...(remember, the divorce she still hasn't had FINALIZED!) DH didn't have money for an attorney & didn't think a father would be heard... he envisioned himself getting to see his daughter every other weekend and paying a hefty child support to BM, while their agreement outside of court at the time was they shared 50/50 with no support... each paid for her expenses when she was with them. IF BM needed anything for SD, she'd tell DH and he would pay if he could. If he couldn't, she would threaten to call "J". It worked for years and when I met him, I told him what the law is.. that courts WANT both parents involved if they want to be and are good parents. He asked for an order after her last threat and she automatically asked for full custody and support. We were living in a house & SD had her own room, BM was living with her mom & sharing a room with both of her daughters... and having her boyfriend stay when he came to town. After a trial, the court gave DH his order to continue the 50/50 arrangement and ordered him to pay her a small amount of child support because he works & she doesn't. (I thought it was wrong, only because she was living with her mom & testified she paid no rent, utilities or groceries... and we bought SD's clothes & school stuff) But the point is that the court didn't care that she is the mother (that didn't get special consideration); but the court also didn't seem to care that she had men sleeping with her in front of her girls... the court stated that it was best for SD to have as much involvement by both parents. BTW, BM had tried to complain to the court about MY involvement with HER daughter and in his ruling, the Judge told her that she is lucky that her daughter has a SM like me.. and he went on to praise all I do for SD, which infuriated BM & she stormed out of the courtroom. DH was thrilled to have an order that BM couldn't threaten him with "J" ever again. [of course, she moved away three weeks later & left SD with us, but she still threatens to take him back to court.. now he tells her 'go ahead' but we are following the order until then] Courts only care about the CHILD'S best interest.. not how it makes the other parent FEEL... the other parent's FEARS are usually irrelevant unless they can show an actual threat to the CHILD. Such in an abused wife's fear he will mistreat the child without her there to protect the child. The court may recognize that a husband that may abuse his wife/ex, but not his children. The abuse against the wife is relevant if it is in front of the children or it can be proven that he also abuses the children. Of course, every state has their own laws and courts are sometimes allowed to use broad discretion.... so I am speaking in general.
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All I can say is that I empathize and feel your pain. I logged on here to lodge a similar complaint. My DSS 14 hardly ever wants to visit as ordered EOW (unless it is his birthday, Christmas, etc.) He lives 2 hrs away w/ DSS 12 and BM. He came last weekend (his dad's birthday) and sent text messages almost constantly for 2 days! I was ready to throw his cell phone out the window! On Day 2, the day he was to go home, he acted like he was in pain or had a burr up his you-know-what all day. He wanted to get home to his friend's sleepover birthday party Sat. night which DH had scheduled our weekend around but DSS was upset because he wanted to be there earlier in the afternoon. So he made the whole family miserable through his cousin's high school graduation and swim party afterward, refusing to swim with his cousins and bros, keeping a stern look on his face and not talking except to mumble when spoken to. I'm almost certain that coming for a whole week is out of the question for him this year, and doubt DH will ask, although I believe DSS 14 will go with us for a week to the beach, but at this point, even that is uncertain. It breaks DH's heart but he will allow him to do whatever he wants. DH has not and will not tell him, "No," or force him to do anything. BM allows him to do whatever he wants, and DH is afraid if he makes things difficult for DSS 14, he will refuse to come altogether. I think there has to be some happy medium, but as a SM of 9 years, I learned years ago to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT because I can't win. So, I do come here to vent. So I guess the problem in my situation is, even if DH can force DSS to come (and I believe he can), is that really worth it due to all the misery inflicted upon the rest of us from his bad mood. I'm just hoping DSS 12 doesn't hit this in the near future!
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Well court costs money. If we take it to court we should have a lawyer. Lawyers need retainer fees. If we do get child support it will be a small amount and will not amount to our lawyer fees anytime in the near future. As for visitation we are reasonable and always have been. Maybe we have even been too reasonable and accommodating in the past. They should have schedules summer visitation before summer began. We are not bending and even discussing making plans this late in the summer. We are not talking about a week long trip in driving distance. We are talking about flying across the country, which would require a few week stay to make the money worth it (as said by the grandparents). There are only a few weeks of summer left and we have 2 long weekend family get-aways planned and booked. We are not changing our plans because they all could not get their act together to plan something in advance. If you had been through what we have been through with the bm and planning visits you would not want to bend either. When she lived in state she was a nightmare. She would either plan visitation and do a no show no call. Later we would hear excuses of how she worked overtime (though we called her work when she did not show and were told she was off for the day). Or she would show up pounding on our door at 6 or 7am to wake us all up on some random day demanding to take the kids without calling at least the night before to make arrangements. She could care less if we had plans with the kids already, she felt the world revolved around her and what she wanted. She even took the kids out of state once and said she would be back one day and then she did not show up until more than a whole day later. We had no way to get a hold of her and she did not bother to call. So we just sat worrying that something happened until we called her job and they said she called off. Funny how she managed to call work but did not bother to call us. My dh always caved and gave her what she wanted--he would say that it was for the kids. Well we are way past caving to her every whim. Last summer she made visitation plans pretty late and my dh told her to make them earlier next time. So now she waits till way later and they all think we should just accommodate? Perhaps when he** freezes over!
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My ex is supposed to have our child for a 2 week period each summer. But, he is not able to get time off work during the summer because that is when his job is the busiest. And he does not have any stay at home family or friends to babysit during the day. I do have a close friend that lives in the same town as him and is a SAHM. I told him before that HE could pay her to babysit during his work hours on his 2 week visitation if he had nobody else, but he passed on that idea. (I would not expect cs while my child is gone for 2 weeks) He has never taken the 2 weeks though. I have always made it known to him that when he ends up with extra days off he can always call and make arrangements to spend them with our child, so he has done that. As much as sometimes I think that I would love that break, I know that 2 weeks away from my child would be difficult. We have never been apart that long! I am even going crazy with my sk's being gone so long this summer! A few days and they will be home :) I do always find the childcare situation funny though because I have always worked and had to make daycare/sitter arrangements for our child. I was never able to just say "well then you keep him!" (I guess my ex just gets off easy on not having to do that) I am a teacher, but of course when our child was in pre-school and kindergarten he still needed care for half the day. And even know he attends before/afterschool care for about an hour or so a day.
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kkny
16 years ago
At night and weekends they should be spending their time with dad. he should be thinking about activities. This is his visitiation, not yours.
lafevem
16 years ago
As I assume you are in your husband's partner in marriage, and he may have to work while the children are visiting, I think it is commendable that you are looking into activities you can do with the children. My children range in age from 1 to 17 (bio and step-they are all my children), so it is sometimes difficult to plan activities they will all enjoy. I am blessed to live in Orlando, so there are tons of theme parks, but that can get expensive after a while. This summer, I had a cooking day with the kids (we baked cakes and brownies), we went to a local petting zoo one day and then came home and did more research on their favorite animals, we went to a local springs and went canoeing, went to a couple of water parks that let you bring in a cooler to save on food prices, went to the flea market and gave each child a set amount to spend on what they wanted (good lesson in budgeting and patience), went to the beach one day, I bought pots for each of my middle two to plant clippings of a larger plant I have and they painted the pots, we had a couple of lazy around the house movie watching days, went to my parent's pool several times, went to a movie matinee because they all wanted to see Ratouille, my DH set up a tent in our backyard one night and he and the middle two camped out and we made indoor smores (that was a mess, but fun), went bowling and roller skating (look around-most places have a family day when the rates are lower),etc. Also, look for magazines like Family Fun. They give lots of great ideas. My DH was able to arrange his schedule to be with us most of the time (he is self employed), but sometimes he had to work, and as I am usually the social planner of our family anyways, I planned most of the events. I totally understand wanting to keep busy, or if the children are anything like mine, your house would be a disaster area...lol. None of my kids (bio or step) are into being away from us, so we didn't do any day camps or anything, so can't be of more help there. My kids (again both bio and step) went to VBS at our church...it was at night..and my DH and I were in charge of recreation so we were there with them. Good Luck and Good for you for trying to plan a fun visit.
jessegirl
16 years ago
Hey Doubts07,

So to answer the question that you had... Obviously you're tyring to help out your DH, and make things nice for his children on their visit. A lot of fathers have trouble planning ahead....The first Summer my SS had come to live with us, I planned some daytrips while his father was working, since he was home with me all day. There are some great passes at our local library for the Zoo, Science Museum, and State parks with Hiking and swimming. If you're working during those hrs too, than a local Y like KKNY mentioned, or possibly the local Boys and Girls club have programs too. Some offer day trips to local attactions if you and/or DH can't take them yourselves.
Do you have anything like that in your area?
doubts07
Original Author
16 years ago
Thank You so much lafevem and jessegirl for your suggestions. He will not always be there so planning ahead is the best way for me to deal with things. You all are life savers!!!! Men have the tendency not to plan ahead and activities to keep them busy takes planning.
lafevem
16 years ago
Jessiegirl: I forgot the library. Great Suggestion! Ours has a free story time once a week which would be great for little ones. Also, our movie theater (AMC) has Free Movie Wednesdays. They are in the morning and the movie is free. They are older movies, but still good for an outing and fun to see on the big screen.
cawfecup
16 years ago
First off I would get a rainy day kit.... coloring books crayons board games markers puzzle books etc. keep them in a tote only pull them on when its boring time when they are getting on your nerves or each others. and put it away when done.

Library is a great idea even for movies you can rent free movies make it a field trip even the 3 yr old can get a movie they like.

Look around for free newspapers they usually have "free events" listed in town.

Do you like to bake ... let the kids bake cookies all of them can mix and make lots of recipes kid friendly peanut butter cookies etc.

Have picnic lunches in the park ... do you live near a beach? free entertainment

We have a schedule for everything ... menus ... wednesdays is kids night in our house they get to pick the meals make desserts I take them shopping and get all the ingredients for what they want to make for dinner.

Lots of stuff you can do visit the dollar store grab a bunch of stuff ... jump ropes and hula hoops if you don't have them sand toys almost out of season ...

look online for coloring pages or hidden image pictures there are tons to print out ... all about me books (hope you have enough ink in your printer)

If you need more just let me know I could go on for days ;-)

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