I really think why it worked for Dotz, above, is that her SS realized through his own divorce, how BM (his ex-) can so easily contaminate the well. It doesn't take much. Even a deep sigh from BM whenever dad's name or SM's name is mentioned, sends the signals to the kids that dad and SM make mom unhappy and threatened, so the kids feel threatened. Even as adults, very few SKs can remove the emotion from such and see it for what it is--mom being mom and her reaction is just that, her reaction and not necessarily the reality. But, when SS lost his own BM and the divorce shoe was now on his foot, it made it, I'd imagine, easier for things to click. I'm happy for Dotz. I've heard this from a few SMs, where after 20 or such years of being somewhat the family punching bag, something clicked, and next thing you know, BM was off somewhere with her new man and adult kids were all okie-dokie with dad AND SM. Some people have the ability to just let it all go and get back in love with whomever. I'm not sure I would. Actually, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. It'd be very hard to let go of 20 years' memories of being the family scapegoat. And that is why I feel the real lesson here is for SKs or adult SKs. If it takes too long to put 2 and 2 together re: who on purpose, accidentally, or accidentally on purpose contaminated the well, it may be too late. Then, you lose one of your parents and/ or get divorced, and you have no one to reach out to. Given DNA, bio-dad may be forgiving, but SM may not, and she does not have the DNA connection that is usually required for that much forgiveness. Dotz' SS got really, really lucky. I hope he realizes that!

Hi Misti, Saw your other post, Happy Mothers Day to you, that was a nice thing for you to post..Sorry to say nothing resovled in the year that has gone by since the wedding, DH got a voicemail Dec 26, thanking him for gifts sent thru brother(who does visit and we do have a good relationship with him).He sent my DH a gift with a Christmas card(didnt get one in the mail) taped to it, but nothing for me..So I guess the brunt of his anger is directed to me...I ve cleaned out Amazon on books with Rifts, estrangements, Steps...I ve asked my DH if I should call or email him(he doesnt want me to, he thinks SS hurt me with his behavior) But interestingly enough, on actual anniversary date, SS emailed DH a joke email, not personal, after a year of no emails..Trying to send a message of some kind, but I m not sure what..But, sigh today I m not thinking about that..I ll worry about that one on Fathers Day..Today I miss my own son who is across the country, and I m sure wont call..Sad, sad...He is still angry(3 years later that I remarried,and his dad is alone..And in those 3 years, hes gotten wealthy and famous and cocky, and doesnt need a mom anymore..He s 25...So I ll actually be glad when today is over...And I have been thinking about you too Mist..I m so glad you have your boys today..Just hung up the phone from my SIL who called to wish ME a Happy Mothers Day..She lost her 12 year old, and her husband(my brother lost both his children) Sigh, there are so many good people in the world...Hope you have a peaceful loving day..Thoughts and prayers to you, Misti, rest and enjoy it...XXXOOO Dotz

Asking for the ex to sign annulment papers is NOT walking all over them... She's free to not do it. Case closed. Who cares? He is so walking over them. He wants the Church to declare the marriage invalid, it never existed, it wasn't ever supposed to happen, excuse his decision/actions as if he were unconscious at the time and therefore, his son should never have happened either. Of course she is free not to sign it, but that was an invalid statement since no one is talking about anything she did or is trying to do, and you already know he will be granted an annulment whether she signs it or not. kkny, between these two threads, dotz refuses to see what she constantly does over and over. After repeatedly being shown her own words, she keeps denying them. On top of it all, we're being called "anti-Catholic." This is unreal to me, but I sure can understand why we were called that. Is it that they only believe what they are told to believe? So much so that they make statements and don't believe what they, themselves, said because the Church didn't tell them to believe it? children of course are upset with end of marriage, annulment makes it no worse for them There is nothing for a child to feel ashamed of because of an annullment..I am telling NO one HOW to feel Personally, I think Sheila Kennedy just didnt want to let go.... I applaud her if in fact these were convictions, but hanging on for ten years to reverse this seems a bit much to me.... I DID NOT condemn Sheila Kennedy I mean, if the Pope told her she stated/wrote these words, would she believe it then? If the Pope told them that non-Catholics are entitled to evaluate the theoretical impossibility, the theological anomaly, and the psychological ramifications and find the practice unnacceptable, would they believe it then? Of course, I don't expect him to reveal such a truth. (and that was the closest thing to remotely resembling anti-Catholic between these two threads, and it wasn't anti-Catholic either.)

i didn't mean you whatsoever. if your DH's ex is no good, it doesn't mean every marriage is this way. i wasn't talking about your situation, my point is about OP, not you. OP never said that she cheated and left her husband, it was the other way around. she also never said that she abandoned her children the way your DH's ex did. so if you had a serious reason to annul their marriage it doesn't mean everyone has that reason. her leaving and abandoning might as well be good enough reason, i don't know what reasons church is looking for. I personally never abandoned my child, never cheated and would be hurt if my X annuled our marriage and more so asked me to sign for it. i would be hurt so is OP. it is not about you. your situation is different, his ex sucked big time, you weren't married before, and you were raised in that tradition. but i understand how OP feels.