Weddings

18 years ago

First time I came to SS Forum, was because of my unresolved feelings on SS s wedding...I posted more recently how BM tried to somehow spoil my wedding with court filings delivered honeymoon return day, Were supposed to be delivered pre wedding, but missed us...Back to one year later, SSs wedding caused hurt feelings not healed to date...Some very thoughtful and astute posters got it right away...There were no demands made by me..I did not consider myself a significant part of the day..Would let bride and groom tell me where to sit(which was row 2 with DH)Was horrified when seperated from wedding party to wait, with DH tho, luckily, I guess this was supposed to make me look like a troublemaker(nothing of the sort has ever happened in 6 years)or maybe to show me I had no place in the wedding, but I didnt ask for one, I said nothing to anyone.......We were asked to pay half of reception, My DH was recovering from a massive heart attack/bypass and was out of work for seven months...SS had the money to pay himself, he just didnt want to..Bought a new house and car immediately after the wedding, in fact..Night before wedding (rehearsal dinner, paid for by us 3,000.00) No one knew we were the hosts.Bride sent Rehearsal invitations with her parents return address and her phone to reply..First I knew of this is when I got a YOU RE INVITED!!!! Invitation in the mail, OK Still didnt say a word ..Got photos, decor, cake favors, set up SSs Mom at head table(I put my DH and I in the back of the rooom, as to not slight her)and that night SS snarled at me why is my mother the only table with out a bottle of wine at her table. Hostess suggested such, because anti drinking minister was at same table, so as not to insult him, but she could have ordered ANYTHING you wanted to drink, on US...FREE Bottle of wine included..By the way, since we didnt pay half of wedding , they had a CASH bar ..I think they just embarrassed themselves, but...No, I was not TOW, never exchanged a nasty word with EX,would not have gone to shower in deference to her(had I been invited)but she felt the need to try to humiliate, hurt,trash the relationship I had with her son until that point, and he went along with it..The only good thing is she doesnt know how hurt I was(AM)that was the whole point....SORRY SORRY SORRY for this long post,but I (and so much more so DH)has been crushed ..I thought of this kid as a friend...If a friend had done this , we would no longer be friends...And thats why I came here, to let this out...Finally.....

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Comments (14)

justnotmartha
18 years ago
I'm so sorry, Dotz. Those are just low form, tactless tricks to pull. Know that you handled yourself well and showed your true colors. At the end of the day it ain't much, but it's something. :-)
dotz_gw
Original Author
18 years ago
JNM, You have NO idea how much those few little lines touched me...Sometimes you doubt yourself and start believing the other sides truth..Much thanks...Dotz
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mistihayes
18 years ago
That's terrible Dotz. That is so pathetic. I'm glad your marriage has withstood the tribulation. I'm sorry your DH has to go through that pain. Just what he needs huh? I would be grateful that you are so good to my Dad. I wish I had you for a friend/SM. His X cheated his kids out of a good person. Their loss. There are so many people out there that would love to have you in their lives. Someone positive, caring, & I know you're funny.
justnotmartha
18 years ago
Any time, Dotz . . . any time. :-)
dotz_gw
Original Author
18 years ago
Thanks Misti, I wish I was your friend/SM too...We d go out dancing to some Emninem, but first we d swing by and pick up Martha...Cocktails on me...LOL
mistihayes
18 years ago
I'm right there with you. I would like 4 Midori Sours, a few games of air hockey, & some loud, good music. It's been years since I went out. I couldn't imagine having a good time like that again. I don't know if my soul has it in it. I'd sure like to find out though.
Oh yeah, dreaming but I would wear my tightest pants too. I'd be turning in these big baggy size 14's for my old size 1.
dotz_gw
Original Author
18 years ago
Oh Misti, Good times will come back, just when your soul needs it the most, that much I promise you.....:)
forms
18 years ago
Sorry dotz for the pain. I'm guessing it will blow over if you let it, it doesn't mean that SS is not your friend, only that he was bowled over by his mother, who was probably also duking it out with the bride's mother as well. A relationship is not defined by one event, but by years of events, if mostly you've had a good relationship, then you still do. Try not to see too much meaning in this re him; it's his jealous mom who caused the trouble.

You showed yourself to be classy; and likely that will irritate SS's mom more than anything. Nothing like setting out to insult someone and having it not 'take'.

People gravitate towards pleasure and away from pain. Sounds like his mom is a pain. Of course you are hurt, but just try to move on.
dotz_gw
Original Author
18 years ago
Forms, Thank you too, we re coming to pick you up too!! The mini van is getting crowded, do you like Midori too? Good advice, I try to let it go, I ve got such anger...Think its shows in a lotta my posts...When I m bawlin someone else out LOL
justnotmartha
18 years ago
I'm all dressed up but where is the van?!? :-)
dotz_gw
Original Author
18 years ago
Might have to ditch the mini and rent a bus for all the wild, gotta dance SMs LOL
mistihayes
18 years ago
Hey Dotz,
Are you're feelings any more resolved? How's your relationship with the son now? Same?
I hope all is well with you & DH.
dotz_gw
Original Author
18 years ago
Hi Misti, Saw your other post, Happy Mothers Day to you, that was a nice thing for you to post..Sorry to say nothing resovled in the year that has gone by since the wedding, DH got a voicemail Dec 26, thanking him for gifts sent thru brother(who does visit and we do have a good relationship with him).He sent my DH a gift with a Christmas card(didnt get one in the mail) taped to it, but nothing for me..So I guess the brunt of his anger is directed to me...I ve cleaned out Amazon on books with Rifts, estrangements, Steps...I ve asked my DH if I should call or email him(he doesnt want me to, he thinks SS hurt me with his behavior) But interestingly enough, on actual anniversary date, SS emailed DH a joke email, not personal, after a year of no emails..Trying to send a message of some kind, but I m not sure what..But, sigh today I m not thinking about that..I ll worry about that one on Fathers Day..Today I miss my own son who is across the country, and I m sure wont call..Sad, sad...He is still angry(3 years later that I remarried,and his dad is alone..And in those 3 years, hes gotten wealthy and famous and cocky, and doesnt need a mom anymore..He s 25...So I ll actually be glad when today is over...And I have been thinking about you too Mist..I m so glad you have your boys today..Just hung up the phone from my SIL who called to wish ME a Happy Mothers Day..She lost her 12 year old, and her husband(my brother lost both his children) Sigh, there are so many good people in the world...Hope you have a peaceful loving day..Thoughts and prayers to you, Misti, rest and enjoy it...XXXOOO Dotz
mistihayes
18 years ago
Dotz,
I remember you telling me about that family. There are so many challenges/heartaches in life. Have you ever been to a Ronald McDonald house? I remember visiting my bestfriend's little girl & the screaming of the kids in pain was relentless. Lots of suffering. Your SIL is an amazing woman to continue on so graciously.
I hope your son comes around someday. It took me awhile to get over my parent's divorce. Maybe once your son has a family & sees life isn't what it seems, he might come around. Years do wonders.
You're better than I am. I don't even care about step-parenting any longer. If skids don't like me, good, I don't like them either. I remember reading for hours trying to educate myself on how to best blend & get along in a stepfamily. I could have given until I was blue in the face of pure exhaustion(investing years) & there wouldn't have been any gratitude, love, or respect. I commend you for your efforts on trying to get along. I think alot of SMs are just awesome & deserve lots of recognition. You're a patient woman!

Weddings

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