You are an amazing women! I have read a lot of posts on here most of which before signing up myself for help. I can see how understanding and how right down the middle you are about a lot of stuff. Not siding with people but also not telling them how wrong or bad they are for feeling the way they are.

People come hear for advice or help not to be told how much of a bad person they are. I hope to one day be like you, no matter how my relationship ends or works out. I have the utmost respect for you.

Thanks

My sister is a SM. She has such a good relationship with Bm and BMs family that when BMs mom was visiting (from out of town) she complained that we dont get to see [my sister) enough. I dont think my sister is a saint, but I do think that her SS would never have finished college wihout her help (and I think BMs family realizes that too). My sister would be the first to say she wasnt a mom, never tried to be a mom, etc. to the boy. He lived with them occassionnally. Bm and BF live close to each other. BM remarried before BF. SS now works in SDs business, in a job he could not qualify for without college degree.

I think as someone said on another thread, it is OK for BM to acknowledge faults in child, but it is very difficult for BM to hear others (except BF), including SM, discuss same faults. I think a large part of my sisters success is she only exchanged pleasentries and said good things with BM and had the tough discussions with her DH. I think a lot of step problems result from DHs shirking parental responsiblies. I think a lot of them stems from typical family where wives take on more child care responsibilties, but it may not work so well with step children.

I do understand that SMs dont want to hear about first wife, but on that point, I think they just have to tough it up (if it is coming from kids). They knew there were children involved from the getgo.

I am bothered more by my DD telling me that X reminices about the good old days when we were first married, and that everything went downhill when DD was born. It bothers me becuase I dont like the message it sends DD. But there is nothing I can do. Other than buy a voodoo doll and stick pins in it.

angelz: You made me cry this morning, especially since my DH was making me feel like such a "step-monster" last night. I admire you for putting your emotion aside and really taking the time to evaluate your situation before jumping in feet first. As it is with alot of the SM situations on the board, if STBH is not willing to step up and establish rules in your home and modify behaviors, you are going to have continuous problems. Even if his tendency is to be a quiet person, he is going to have to stand up and have a voice or your home will always be chaotic. That is my situation as well. My DH is very non-confrontational and likes to pretend things are not happening in hopes they will go away. Nothing is solved (particularly with children) by sticking your head in the sand. I am praying for you and your family..but mostly you. I know how hard it is to be pregnant and have all of this emotional strife. You just want to enjoy your pregnancy, but you end up a nervous wreck. Take care of yourself and please keep posting.

I have talked to family about this my mother is a SM but she is not very maternal so her advise is limited and as much as I love her it is some what useless. My SD who is also my daddy in my own eyes regardless of blood, he thinks I should not dismiss all of the things that are going on. That strength builds understanding, and I was not excepting of him as well and was not easy to manage growing up. But he didn't walk away or ever give up trying, what would have happened if he did? He keeps telling me to look at him from SD shoes that I was there once but he was there full time, which can be just as difficult to swallow as PT stepparent.

But I will tell you this, it's not easy for you DH. But he needs to understand that what isn't easy for him is a million time's harder for you! Men forget all to easily that women not only take on the problems of there own but the problems of the people that are around us. So what stress he feels from this you are feeling too on top of the stress you are feeling from your own problems. Throw on top of that insecurities, guilt, hormone's, and shake add some ice a straw and you get one stressed women who still has to get up raise her family and make sure everything is as it's supposed to be.

I am thankful I found this website, as I am sure so many people here are. It's nice to know that there are other's who feel the same about all of this stuff.

KKNY made a funny!!! And shared helpful information!!!! I knew you had it in you!! Thank you, it is much appreciated! I have always liked your input but I have to admit that I prefer it when its more constructive criticism as opposed to an all out stepmom witch hunt!! You can do alot of good not only for stepmoms but for our stepchildren too by sharing your view point.

FYI. I heard its more effective if you make the voodoo doll yourself rather than buying a store bought one!!! just kidding!!!