I'll miss you Doodle! You have an upbeat can-do attitude and will be a great StepMom and BioMom too.

This is what I wrote:

"Also, to ponder another thought -- mental illness is inherited most of the time. That crazy nut of a mother may well have produced twin nuts that you love and raise."

In response to your ranting about the "crazy nut." Get it right.

I just think it's sad that a real step mom can be pushed off a step family forum by remarks that come from someone that isn't even a step parent (as far as I can tell) and doesn't know what it's like to raise someone else's child(ren) but judges everyone else like they know it all... about the laws and mental health...

From what I gather, unhappy miserable people love to spread their misery to others that are trying to live a happy life. They like to bring others down because misery loves company.

Sometimes those uncalled for comments that are not just rude, but mean spirited, are the only way they know how to respond when they have no point or their only goal is to bring you down fast, without an intelligent thing to say.

I hope you reconsider and ignore the ignorant, but if you go, take care and love those babies.... they need you and they are lucky to have you. (and so is their mother, even if she can't see it)

Ima, I am a stepparent.

I think it is beyond ignorant to call someone with a certified mental illness and addictions a "crazy nut." If that is ignorant of me, oh well.

Doodle let me know where you end up if you end up somewhere

Cawfegrl@yahoo.com

Maybe another page on this site new names hide out whatever

I am going through some nutty stuff right now with my group and I really don't have to fight more battles when the battles at home are the ones important to me ...

So if a few of you decide to end up someplace else just to vent please email me and let me know where to follow ..... I am sick of being lectured on how I should act how I should behave how I should react .....

Its been UNREAL

See ya.

Doodle - you will be missed. I wish you nothing but the best with your girls and your new little addition. Keep your positive attitude - it will carry you far.

obrmom@gmail if you want to keep in touch.

Hugs.

Well ya, you can't leave, you are like family now.

Monster,(not even a g)Yeah talk about your low blows...I dont care if you have been an SM for oh bout a week and a half , maybe you should let someone who s been a step mom for at least 2 weeks give lofty advice such as yours, coming outta some 3 day a week backwater court room down South y'all..... We re all aware you re a genuis now....Doodle, stay, g monster, go...now....nasty, nasty to diss Doodles twins like that...

Oh gosh, I think this site is awesome. I have read some posts and had my jaw hanging down to the ground with the incredible ignorance and MALICE that some people spew out. It's hilarious! Like watching my own little Jerry Springer show right here on my screen :) I've never, ever seen anything like it, not even in high school ;)

I've been a member here for a few days now and pop in maybe once a day for a few minutes and then pop out, but I see on here people who spend hours arguing over the smallest little pedantic bits of crap. And standing in JUDGEMENT over others - oh my god, some of you seriously need a slap on the head, lol.

Spending so much time and energy picking apart mental health terminology. Why? There is just so much nit-picking blah blah tearing down your sisters and your fellow women.

People in a stepfamily situation come here looking for help, needing to vent, wanting advice, and there's a little core bunch of angry women who seem to thrive on jumping on anyone like a pack of hungry wolves, desperate to tear them apart. Where's the support? Where's the firm but kind guidance? Where's the love and care for each other and the desire to help, guide, advise and direct your sisters in this life of ours?

I say it's funny to watch, and it is, seeing a genuine post being made and watching the hyenas jumping in to tear it to shreds and take it off in as many angles and directions as they can, but it's actually also sad that there are women and mothers and stepmothers 'out there' who live their lives like this, pulling down other women instead of supporting and building them up.

For the record, I visited this site and many others because I am a stepfamily coach. I see things on this site that I see in my clients every single day, and I can very honestly tell you that the vast majority of problems that my clients deal with stem from the ex wife. Rubbish that all you want, I have more than enough proof to back that up. Stepmothers/second wives also have issues, and they do sometimes cause unnecessary problems, but nowhere near the problems that ex wives cause, both consciously and unconsciously.

I guess that makes me a 'crazy nut' ;)

I knew I 'liked' you, Diva. :-) If nothing else, you wear sarcasm well.

You're a coach, and you recommend a slap on the head. Some of the language here appalls me (as in saying a stepchild looks like a slut).

Diva, You are sending me off this AM with a smile on my face!!! I just KNEW Ex wives cause all the problems!!!!Thanks for the confirmation of what I was already HIGHLY suspicious of!!!!!!

KK, seriously? You're trying to turn a sarcastic joke into an appalling statement? Don'tcha think that's a little too Scarlett O'Hara, even for you?

I'm sorry to see you go! Please stay and ignore the posts like the one you mentioned. Yes, it is distasteful, but don't let it take away from the good advice you do get. This site has been the most helpful one I can find.

And let me say to those who want to nit-pick and say hateful things: IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. We can all appreciate different perspectives: BMs, SMs, SD, BD, BF, FSM, and so on. We don't need to be beat down. I think we can all agree that we get beat down enough as it is. Thus the reason we are all on this site. If you have nothing CONSTRUCTIVE to add to a thread, don't post something. Where's the sensitivity?

"Some of the language here appalls me (as in saying a stepchild looks like a slut)."

Can you show where you saw this? There's a difference between saying a child dresses like a slut or the mom allows the child to wear slutty clothes, but I can't recall anyone saying a child LOOKS like a slut. (or even acts like one) but I could be wrong. Care to prove me wrong? or you can prove me right that I think you are twisting words again.

KKNY - this forum is made up of REAL people using REAL language to express REAL feelings. It's not politically correct. That's the problem with the world. We can't have real feelings. We have to censor our feelings and emotions for all the others who accuse our feelings of being "appalling". Look, we all need a place to vent without getting fried for not being politically correct. And I really admire Doodle and Pseudo for being open and honest when they knew they would take heat from you.

IRL, I don't know anyone who say their child was dressed like a slut, or would even jokingly suggest someone needed a hit in the head.

People do say this kind of stuff about somebody else's kids (although not 9-year-olds, maybe teenagers) but would not say about their own kids. And I am guilty of that too commenting about someone else's kids. But i think we should admit that often stepkids are regarded as someone else's kids not ours. And sometimes or maybe always it is entirelly appropriate to regard them this way, but then we should accept what place we play in their lives- "not parents" place. Because if we would be parents, we would not say such thing.

when I hear that someone is crazy i always assume that it is just a general kind of comment about weird behavior. I would say my SO's X is a bit crazy, such as acting inadequate on ocassions. I never think it is actually mental health issue. But mentally ill people with the dagnosis are mentally ill. "Crazy" is just a casual description of inadequate behavior certainly not a description of mentally ill people.

Hi.

I may as well add my two cents too. I discovered this site two or three weeks ago and I continue to appreciate and consider the advice given to me. I sometimes feel like a voyeur as I read through the various threads and current posts, especially the ones that have so many responses. I am sure that everyone starts out with the best of intentions, but I do notice that occasionally the posts begin to erode into petty and ridiculous dissections of words, knit-picking and pissing matches. Perhaps it's okay for one to make a point and then to not have the last word all of the time - AND I mean no disrespect to anyone.

This forum is good for me because I don't come from a broken home nor do anyone of my friends, so I was never exposed to the "stepfamily". Of my friends, I am the only one who is divorced and part of another's established family. I have experienced much frustration and irritation with both the EX and the SDs and BF. I've spoken/vented to friends, they've empathized and tried their best to help, but I've still felt alone. It wasn't until finding this site that I realized how common were most of my issues.

I guess I am just trying to reiterate that there are benefits to this site and that sometimes enough gets said and we don't need to beat a dead horse. It's too bad that people get to the point where they feel they need to leave.

Part of a post I made on another thread: "I come from a 2-parent household of a minister and his wife. All my friends had a 2-parent household. I knew nothing of divorce until I was in jr. high. Can you believe that? So I have had to ask for a lot of advice and read a lot of books. I have only ever wanted to show the kids real love and devotion and how our home can be filled with love."

Exactly the reason I came to this forum.

Anyone have a clue how to setup a message board or forum ... a "private one" ...something like that so we can actually get support a virtual hug if you will when we are having our moments whatever

.... instead of being kicked while down.

A knife in the back is hard enough but when you come here to vent and get pushed up against a wall the knife just ends up deeper in your spine.

So if anyone is computer savvy enough to start or find a board we can get some respite from ... please email me I am sure some others will be glad to follow and leave some others behind to drown in their own bitterness.

Cawfegrl@yahoo.com

I set up a group. If you send me an email so I have your email address, I will send an invitation to the new group.

imamommy27@yahoo.com

Ima...I am sending you a message right now and hope you will consider adding me to the group. I'm a new member and read the posts. There have been so, so many times that I wanted to post on this site for advice but haven't because I didn't want to get flamed by the bitter ex wives on this site. I came here because I hoped to get productive, positive advice on how to best deal with the very difficult situation I find myself in. I love my FH and I care deeply about his two boys, but to be very frank their very bitter BM (the bitter ex) makes things as difficult as she can every step of the way. I don't want to hear WHY she is the way she is or hear excuses about why her behavior is understandable or ok...IT IS NOT. I cannot understand why she acts the way she does...I got divorced once many years ago and I never stooped to the low level of her behavior during my divorce process. Her nastiness is harming those boys in more ways than she would ever stop to think of. Unfortunately it seems like a woman who cannot grow past the demise of their marriage can poison everyone with her anger.

The nasty ladies in this group give me the creeps and I would much prefer a more positive forum. I already have to deal with the bitter ex attitude WAY more than I want to...

Dont worry, I suspect the dropouts will be back with a different name. Same type of drama as teens. Gee Pseudo, you awfully similiar to Cawfeecup.

KKNY:

I'm sure you're a very nice person and a good mother, but your last post came out a little catty and it doesn't show you in the best light. Put your best foot forward next time and don't do a disservice to yourself.

Ima - I sent you an e-mail earlier and I hope you'll add me.

I sent invites to all that sent me their email addresses. If you didn't get one but sent me it, send me a new request.

There are other sites out their for 2nd wives and step-moms.They are Monitored and posters are checked out first. They don't let these bitter, child abusing bio-mothers get away with some of the trash talking I've seen here.

Ima - I've sent you my e-mail twice. Have you not gotten it? It's a yahoo address. I can send one from my hotmail, too.

Here's a link to my new myspace. You can use the button there to join. I've had problems with some invite emails going through. This is a new myspace account I set up just for stepmom's. I have to approve all that join but the messages are not moderated, but only members can post. I can delete offensive or inappropriate messages and block users that violate common courtesy or decency.

Here is a link that might be useful: go to my myspace to join my new group

kkny, that was pure, unexcuseable, personal malice.

At risk of sounding malicious myself, but..... some people are good at pure, inexcusable, personal malice...it gives them a purpose in life.

:-P

It makes me wonder if they are the kind of people that hide behind made up personalities on the internet or if they are realy that way in real life. I wonder if they offer up their feelings so freely to friends. I wonder if they make improper insinuations to their friends.

Well, I can be very polite in real life, and bite my tongue, but also refuse to ever say anything I truly do not mean. There is a difference in being friendly, and being fake, for whatever reason. Some find this annoying; I find putting on an act annoying. I know a lot of two-faced people. I also have seen a lot of deliberate baiting online. If you state a theory, that is genuine, ok. If you state a ridiculous opinion, based on nothing at all, grow up. I am tempted sometimes, but I would never use such disgusting measures to start a childish battle with people I have never met. Or ones I have.
Many people resort to Ad hominem attacks when they have no clue what they are talking about.

I think some people who post on the internet behave in a different manner than they would sitting at the table visiting with their neighbors or friends. On the net we don't know them, so they can let their true self come out, which isn't always nice. LOL

I think Psuedo changed her name because of post on remaining anon, boardreader and all, not to disguise her identity, that post was a while back and reposted, and to tell you the truth, I wouldnt really want anyone IDing me either....So may have been an incorrect assumption to think she s hiding out here...Yikes, and guilty of being baited myself, and biting back, if I answered some in RW like that Id be sending flowers the next day...So I am making a concerted effort not to be a snip, but when you re tired , down, its not always easy to be Mother Theresa......

As stupid as this will sound.... I thought it was quite obvious to the "regulars" who I was transformed from ...

In my SM vision if that was an attempt at a "dig" just made the "digger" look even more foolish.

Do I really care if BM reads what I write ... NO

Do I want her to use it against hubby or the kids .... NO

If ignorance is bliss ... some people must be very blissful :)

bump...

There's a link in the General Interests section of my myspace to join a private group. It's called stepmom's only but it's not limited to stepmom's. It's for anyone that wants to support or promote step families with positive advice, guidance or just moral support. I created a separate myspace just for 'stepmom' stuff too. (BM reads my other myspace) So, if you have a myspace, I'll add you there too.

GardenWeb is a great place but the private group offers a place to speak/vent and avoid an attack.

Here is a link that might be useful: Visit myspace to join- click on the purple button

bump again.... :)

Doodle...don't leave! :(

I'm sorry someone said that to you---NOT COOL. At best it seems an inappropriate choice of words and, at worst, it's awful to speak of two little children like that. :(

Ima, I will message you on myspace!

Love this was first posted 6 months ago....

She's not going anywhere

:) check the dates lots of post reappear via google new people looking for support ... find old posts

you keep bumping old posts (especially argumentative ones), I wonder why... hmmm...you like drama, don't you?

This is worth reposting:

Oh gosh, I think this site is awesome. I have read some posts and had my jaw hanging down to the ground with the incredible ignorance and MALICE that some people spew out. It's hilarious! Like watching my own little Jerry Springer show right here on my screen :) I've never, ever seen anything like it, not even in high school ;)

I've been a member here for a few days now and pop in maybe once a day for a few minutes and then pop out, but I see on here people who spend hours arguing over the smallest little pedantic bits of crap. And standing in JUDGEMENT over others - oh my god, some of you seriously need a slap on the head, lol.

Spending so much time and energy picking apart mental health terminology. Why? There is just so much nit-picking blah blah tearing down your sisters and your fellow women.

People in a stepfamily situation come here looking for help, needing to vent, wanting advice, and there's a little core bunch of angry women who seem to thrive on jumping on anyone like a pack of hungry wolves, desperate to tear them apart. Where's the support? Where's the firm but kind guidance? Where's the love and care for each other and the desire to help, guide, advise and direct your sisters in this life of ours?

I say it's funny to watch, and it is, seeing a genuine post being made and watching the hyenas jumping in to tear it to shreds and take it off in as many angles and directions as they can, but it's actually also sad that there are women and mothers and stepmothers 'out there' who live their lives like this, pulling down other women instead of supporting and building them up.......

I guess that makes me a 'crazy nut' ;)

i quit a few times but for different reasons. some of the sites are just to sad. i think it is good to talk to people with similar problems, but i also think there comes a point when we need to get over it. it's depressing and can't be good for a person to dwell on such sadness.

Oh--OOOPS. I feel stupid!

not bumping the argument ... its the only post with links that I can find quick.

nah don't love

Who posted that weed?

Barefoot_Diva. The 10th post on this thread.

Sorry didn't read the post just bumped it :)

guess I could stop being lazy and just take the parts I want from it and start a new thread.

Doodleboo,
Just saying your name makes me smile, so come back soon. You were/are informative & I appreciate your experiences & feedback. I don't even read posts when I see certain names. Other names, like yours, are enjoyable to read. I'm sure you're probably in such a state of total bliss & don't need any of this. Good luck with that new, precious life. You're blessed!