It's going to be hard to control everything kids say to each other. For all you know, your kids say things equally taboo to other kids. So it will only do so much good to talk to the neighbor kid's mom about it. That said, you have every right to determine what you don't want to hear said by a guest in your house. So you should feel free to let him know that, as you already have. I mean, that's the way the world is: in some contexts & with some individuals, you can get away with saying different types of things than with others.

As for the significance of the one comment you relayed, I don't totally get it. "You're going to marry girls one day" sees to me more confusing or out-of-context or latency-period-type taunting than something inherently reprehensible or offensive. (Maybe they WILL marry girls, who knows?) If your SD & her friend were insulted by it, they should tell him to scram (and possibly enlist your aid if they don't succeed in getting him to leave them alone if that's what they prefer). If they weren't insulted by it, then it doesn't seem like all that much of a big deal. If it reaches a point where everyone in your family agrees that they really don't want him coming around anymore or he starts using really filthy language, maybe bring it up to the kid's mom nicely. Kind of like: "Just so you know, your kid's been saying these things. If it's not a problem with you, fine, but I'm a bit more easily offended so I have told him I don't want to hear it in *my* house. Just so you know..."

But carefully consider which comments warrant telling his mom about. If he uses the "C", "F" or "S" word or makes a very clear and direct insult to anyone, tell his mom. If it's a somewhat confused, childish-curiosity-based comment vaguely suggesting future lesbianism, don't tell her. (She may have a lesbian sister she's very close to, for example, and wonder why the kid's comment would have to be seen as an insult.) Unless it's impossible to avoid, you don't want any bad feelings with your neighbors, as anyone who watches Desperate Housewives can tell you!

Thanks for your input. The comment that really offended me was when my son repeated to my dh "why don't you go lick your sac!"

That was the comment he told us he heard from the neighbor. The other comment today just added to it I guess. I think I am going to keep the comment info to myself for now and hope that my explanation to him of what is allowed at my house embarasses him into not repeating future comments like those.

Yikes!

I would explain to him that he can not speak that way in your house and if it happens again you will call his parents and he will no longer be allowed to come over.

Good luck!

I am so shocked, horrified and embarassed! That's terrible!

I get so mad at my BIL and sis because they say nasty stuff and my little niece hears it and repeats it. Like my BIL is in the Navy and they all tease him because of his last name. They call him "teabag". So my niece hears my BIL talk about it and deduces that she must be a "teabag" too. And then she proceeds to tell people this! My sister was horrified, but I told her that that's what she gets because she has refused to censor herself and her conversations in front of the 4 y/on human parrot.

I would tell a kid couple of times but if he does not stop then i would talk to his mom.

Stop the kid at the door and tell him directly my children are repeating you and I will not have it if you cannot control how you speak/act in front of my kids then you will not play with them...

hehehehe use the same technic you used with your little one... if you hear the kid say something you don't like (hopefully its a dooozie) ... have him call his parents and repeat it to them on the phone ... mom I have to come home because I told their child to go lick his nut sac!

that's good advice, pseudo, about having the kid call his mom from your house and repeat it. That is, if/when he continues the comments after being repeatedly told not to say them in OP's house. If he continues it, which he very well might, he would probably defend himself by saying "but you just said don't say [sac comment] again... I didn't know I couldn't say [insert new comment]..." This way, if he won't repeat it to his mother, you can say: "See? You kinda DO know what you should and shouldn't be saying... so if you won't say it to your mom, don't say it to us."

I'm not sure to what extreme the inapropriate comments are but if they were really bad I just wouldn't have the kid over anymore. Saying something to mom or dad will probably offend them (Unless your close to them) and most kids even when reprimanded still repeat behavior when adults aren't looking. I wouldn't be blunt about not letting the kid over, I would just be really busy!!
Then again if they aren't really horrible comments you probably could just tell him if he says inapropriate things then he has to leave right away and can't play at your house for the rest of the day.

The licking the sac thing would totaly get a 9 year old banned from my house!!!!