No way. I would not be happy with that at all.

Wow, yeah, I think that would bother me. At the very least they should have informed you that the girls would be unaccompanied to the pool so that you could make the choice as to whether or not sd was allowed to stay over or whatever. We have a pool in our back yard (we live in Florida) and ALL of my kids are excellent swimmers, however NONE (even the 18 year old) are allowed to swim without having a "buddy" in the pool with them and an adult at home. My youngest ones (8, 11, 12) are required to have me or dh actually sitting out on the lanai with them while they are in the pool. I have a very dear friend whose 5 year old daughter is permanently disabled because of a near drowning over 2 years ago, and so I am probably overly cautious about water.

If you have a good relationship with the parent's, I would let them know it was not acceptable. If you explain it in a way that focuses on your concern for the child, not accusing them of poor parenting, then they may apologize and promise it will never happen again. If they don't apologize and want to make amends, I would simply say no next time.

Dh says all trust is gone. Girl can come here, where we know they will be supervised. But, sd is not allowed to go there again. We do not really have much of a relationship with the family, just talk to confirm plans with the girls. I feel awkward even discussing it with them. We obviously have different ideas on parenting 11 yr olds.

I would have a chat with the other parents if you aren't comfortable with it.

However, at our neighborhood association pool/tennis courts, kids from the neighborhood are frequently dropped off. There's a lifeguard on duty, and generally lots of other adults around. They have emergency contact on file for all members, so if there was a problem they can call.

Not to say that I would drop my 11 year old off...I don't think I would, but then again, it depends on the maturity of the individual kiddo. I was babysitting infants when I was 11. But I know several 11 year olds who aren't comfortable staying home alone for 5 minutes while Mom goes to talk to a neighbor.

My main problem with this situation is that they are girls. Pre-teen girls in skimpy bathing suits prancing around and giggling by a pool with no adult supervising them is tantalizing to a pedophile. I'm sorry to be so blunt about it, but it is. There are so many sex offenders out there that, if I had a daughter, I'd be glued to her side in public.

But Nicksmom is right. It definitely depends on the individual child's maturity level. FSD never goes anywhere with her girlfriends without a chaperone because she's not mentally mature enough to know how to react if something were to happen. All-in-all, the other parents should have asked you if you were cool with it. That was not cool of them to do.

I had a similar situation with my SD a while back. SD had plans to stay the night w/ a friend and was telling me all the things they had planned to do. All went well until she said they were going to be dropped off at the mall (this was at 9 yrs old) ....I nipped it in the bud though when the friends mom called to make the arrangements.I just nicely told the mom that we don't let SD go anywhere without an adult present and that I thought it was great if they wanted to go have fun at the mall but SD couldn't go unless there was an adult..the friends mom said she understood and she went with the girls to the mall.
My advice would be to wait until the parents call and ask your daughter to have a sleep over or to go somewhere and tell them that you heard that last time the girls were together they went to the pool alone and that is against your family rules and that you just want to be certain that the girls will have an adult with them at all times. More than likely the parents will oblige you. And if not...that would set off alarms with me....
BTW I was voted the uncoolest mom by my SD for stopping her independent trip to the mall... but you know what? Id rather be the most uncool mom than to see my little girl's face on the back of a milk carton!

We had this very same thing happen last summer with SD12 . . . but the best part is the friend is partially blind! It's a neighborhood pool but has no lifeguard, and an unlocked gate where anyone could walk in. It also faces a busier street through the neighborhood where anyone could stand at the fence and watch. We know these parents well and I was shocked to say the least. Fortunately in this case the girls really aren't close anymore so I doubt this will happenagain, but should she ever be invited you can bet I'll ask if a parent is going. Maybe it's a shame on me for assuming one would . . . but I thought that was a no-brainer!

It was a community pool, but none of our emergency info is on file. My sd is very immature and has trouble remembering our phone number in case of emergencies!! She is not ready to be in public without an adult. And there was a carnival going on next door to the pool, which made the situation even worse (more dangerous) to me.

I told sd that when the friend calls again inviting her anywhere to tell her that we are upset that they were left alone in public without our permission so she is not allowed to go anywhere with her. I am sure she will relay it to her family.

Besides, DH and I don't like that friend all that much anyways. She does not accept no for an answer and often calls my cell phone after my sd tells her no to something on the phone! Or at times when my sd is at her house she will call me continuously trying to change pick up times. And if she is at our house she will ask me a million times if she can sleep over another night or get picked up later after I say no.

She is the same girl who made the nasty comment about how her mom would buy her an icee when we were at the movies and I said no to icees!

You've got good reasons not to encourage this particular friendship -- so I wouldn't. Doesn't sound like this girl has the best parents...

Before that additional information, I was going to side with Nicksmom about a busy community or neighborhood pool that the other child goes to often provided SD is a good swimmer. If she's not, then regardless of the situation, a responsible parent should be present.

But as it is - you've got a good reason/excuse to discourage the friendship.

The girl does not have the best family. She is being raised by a grandparent and an uncle while the father is who knows where and the mother is in and out of rehab. I think the grandma and uncle are still parenting according to how things were when we were kids. Too bad the world is much different now!

Either way I do not care much for the girl or the way she acts. I have really tried to be sympathetic to her because her situation is not her fault. But this incident was kind of like the straw that broke the camels back.

Before I approved any sleep over, I always called the other child's parents, to confirm that 1) my child was invited to sleep over, 2) if they were intending to take my child any place while she was with them, 3) if going someplace, would an adult be with the children, or would they be "dropped off" somewhere unsupervised, 4) when I should drop off & pick up my child. If they told me they intended to drop off the girls unsupervised at a public pool, I would not have allowed my child to go, and would have told them why.

My kids used to hate that I would call, but I didn't care. Being a pal, or cool, was never my goal, raising good kids and keeping them safe, was!

It is a parents job to set the stage for appropriate behavior of children. Some parents obviously have more relaxed ideas about what is appropriate for 11 year olds. You need to be confident and follow your gut about what is right for your child. Calling other parents to check in about the plan for a sleepover or afternoon together is appropriate and sets the stage for further communication. Involved parenting is a good thing and should not make you feel guilty. I wish there were more parents like you.

I think it was an oversight on the other girls parents and they probably didn't think anything of it cause the girls would be together. Each family also has a comfort point as to when to start leavingtheir kids at home. My boss was comfie around this age.
What i personally dont like is the area and the fact its skimpy wear and at that age they still a bit flighty.
So for me i would be upset. You have the right to be but i would just simply speak to the paretns of the other girl and ask them if its their norm to leave their child with another child without supervision. If its a common practice in their family and they are comfortable doing this to their child then next time tell them you do not practice this in your home and that you would appreciate adult supervision. If they do not agree then do not send you daughter over anymore until she is older.
That's all.