Children's Bill of Rights

15 years ago

Children's Bill of Rights

We the children of the divorcing parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish these Bill Of Rights for all children.

The right not to be asked to "choose sides" or be put in a situation where I would have to take sides between my parents.

The right to be treated as a person and not as a pawn, possession or a negotiating chip.

The right to freely and privately communicate with both parents.

The right not to be asked questions by one parent about the other.

The right not to be a messenger.

The right to express my feelings.

The right to adequate visitation with the non-custodial parent which will best serve my needs and wishes.

The right to love and have a relationship with both parents without being made to feel guilty.

The right not to hear either parent say anything bad about the other.

The right to the same educational opportunities and economic support that I would have had if my parents did not divorce.

The right to have what is in my best interest protected at all times.

The right to maintain my status as a child and not to take on adult responsibilities for the sake of the parent's well being.

The right to request my parents seek appropriate emotional and social support when needed.

The right to expect consistent parenting at a time when little in my life seems constant or secure.

The right to expect healthy relationship modeling, despite the recent events.

The right to expect the utmost support when taking the time and steps needed to secure a healthy adjustment to the current situation.

Please realize that this is NOT law, anywhere.

The "Children's' Bill of Rights" is not legally enforceable, but rather suggestions made to keep the best interest of the child a priority.

Ã¯Â¿Â½

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Comments (15)

parent_of_one
15 years ago
good one, myfam, I think children of intact families could benefit from the same rights...There are some really messed up intact families out there as well.

I would also add "rights to say NO to physical or verbal abuse or humiliation by a parent or any other adult". And maybe "rights to be treated like everyone else, not some special case of a child coming from a broken home". I never knew I was supposed to treat DD any different or overcompensate because her parents are divorced.

Unfortunately these laws, like you said, are not enforceable and children continue suffering for their parents' mistakes.
lovehadley
15 years ago
" I think children of intact families could benefit from the same rights...There are some really messed up intact families out there as well."

Absolutely there are. And I agree, this can apply to children of nuclear families as well. Just because two parents are married does not a good family make.

I grew up with major dysfunction and emotional abuse. My parents filed for divorce when I was 11, didn't follow through, then separated when I was 15, got back together when I was 16, and then finally divorced when I was almost 18. Believe me, I wish they would have divorced ten years earlier. My mom was (is) an alcoholic and I am not talking about your social, tipsy drinker. I am talking chugging-vodka-from-the-bottle-mixing-with-valium-stomach-pumping-at-hospital alcoholic.

It was not uncommon to find my mom passed out in her own vomit in the bedroom, closet, garage, anywhere.

It was hellish, honestly. I wish my dad would have left when I was a kid.

Sorry for the rant. It was just that everything looked "perfect" on the outside, but it was utter h*ll.
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parent_of_one
15 years ago
Oh my, sorry love, it must be tough...
lovehadley
15 years ago
Thanks Parent. I wasn't looking for sympathy, hope it didn't come across that way. :-)

I think ALL children have the above rights (and more) regardless of whatever circumstances they've been born into.
parent_of_one
15 years ago
oh I know love. just saying it is tough for a child to see what you described. No children should be exposed to this.

and sometimes it is better for children to be from a broken home than watching parents in bad marriage or other nonsense.
lovehadley
15 years ago
"and sometimes it is better for children to be from a broken home than watching parents in bad marriage or other nonsense."

Yes. There is such a weird attitude, though, and that frustrates me. There is a girl on my DD's swim team---her grandparents own the pool/small club. Anyway, this girl is now a young adolescent and her father runs a lot of the meets. (This girl is ranked #16 in the NATION in certain events, she's AMAZING.) Her parents are divorced, divorced when she was little. Her father, who is at EVERY MEET, running them, cheering, etc--is remarried with two younger kids.

The girl's mother is also at every meet and clearly has a good relationship with her ex, as they talk, often sit together, etc.

But I heard some of the other moms talking last year and someone mentioned that the girl's father is remarried and has two other kids. And one of the mom's responses was, "Ohhhh, how SAD for her." And then a couple others chimed in about how sad it was, how awful for this poor girl, etc.

WHY? Because her dad is clearly an involved and loving father? Because her mom is an involved and loving mother? And because she has two half sibilings whom she spends a great deal of time with at her father's house?

What's sad?

I mean, I understand and get that *in an ideal world* the divorce wouldn't have happened. I understand that. But this girl is loved and happy and successful and I would bet SHE doesn't think too much of it, aside from the occasional "I wish that were different, Gosh, it sucks to go back and foth" thought.

KWIM?

I get it, too, with my DD. Sometimes when people hear that her bio-dad is totally absent, they'll say how SAD it is. And they look at me weird when I say, "No, DD is really happy, she's fine, she doesn't know any different!" It's true, though---and she IS better off without him in her life. He is irresponsible and has issues with drinking and it's just....better this way.

When she grows up and is ready--if she wants---to meet him, that will be HER choice. And it will be because she's ready. And is it a "cross to bear" that other people don't have to deal with?

Well, yeah. But EVERYONE has pain in life. Everyone. We all have things that are hard and difficult and we try as best we can to overcome them. And to find the joy in life.

Off my soapbox now.
momof3_stepof1
15 years ago
I totally agree love!! My brother and now sister-in-law had my nephew before they were married. They got engaged when he was three but sister-in-law stated it'd be 2 years before they got married. My Grandma was really upset because the kid (my nephew) would be 5 by the time they got married. Like it was a terrible thing. As those two years went on most of my family realized that my brother and this woman should NOT be married. She's horrible to him and to all of us... well, all of us meaning my mom, sister and I and the rest of my MOM's side of the family. She treats my dad's family like their gold... but only because my grandma kisses her butt and they neither like my mom.... because my mom and dad are divorced. Drives me nuts!! Anyway... I always told my grandma that it didn't matter how old my nephew was when they got married because you don't simply get married anymore just because you have a kid together. She didn't like that statement. I responded with... it's better for the kid if they never get married then to get married and then get a divorce, which I'm certain will be my brother's future. What my nephew gets to witness now that their married is far worse then if they had stayed apart. She verbally, emotionally abuses my brother and my nephew gets to witness that. Plus when they do finally divorce it'll be hell for him.

I reminded my grandma that had I married my son's father.... well, either one of them, I'd now be divorced and that would have been far worse for my sons. Well, the one with the sperm donor probably would have killed me... so I'm pretty sure my son is definately better off that we didn't marry. My ss is also better off that his parents never married.... we always joke that between those two one would be dead and the other in prison. LOL! The kids never saw a divorce and really haven't seen much arguments between us. Just old people living in old expectations.
lovehadley
15 years ago
I think different generations---older ones---do have a total stigma against divorce. Again, I am NOT saying divorce (or not being married) is *good* but I don't think it automatically means a child is going to have a tougher life. I think often it IS for the best.

I am totally serious when I say I WISH my parents would have divorced when I was a child and my dad would have fought for custody. This was back in the 80s/early 90s, so I don't know if he would have won..but my mom was a mess. She was in rehab or the psych. ward over a dozen times in less than eight years. And I used to think her drinking had not become a problem until I was seven or eight, but I've since learned from family members ( my aunt and uncle) that it was a problem as early as when my little brother was born, which would have made me four yrs old. And my aunt told me she suspects it was a problem even before that.

Makes me sad. BUT---I'm glad I'm here! I am glad I was born, issues and all.

The whole "poor children of divorce" concept is just strange to me. My SS's grandmother is STILL like that and BM and DH were never married, have been NOT together since SS was not even one year old. He's now NINE.

Grandma still makes comments to DH about how she wishes he and BM would be together! And BM is MARRIED--to another man---with two beautiful little girls! So Grandma has two granddaughters. I don't understand how she can SAY stuff like that---would she rather her two granddaughters have not been born? I mean, I understand what she means in that SS has to go between two homes...but geeez....at the end of the day, I wish that were the worst he'd have to deal with. I think his mom's dysfunctional behavior is FAR more devastating to him than living in two houses! JMO.
parent_of_one
15 years ago
"The whole "poor children of divorce" concept is just strange to me."

That is so true! I do not understand that. In all of our extended family my DD is the only child of divorce but frankly there is no difference in her compare to other kids in our extended family, not the way she was brought up, not the way she has relationship with me or her dad. She certainly is not "poor DD". She has great relationship with both of us. More so, it is ridiculous to be sad, that children have other siblings. My DD has 3, not only she is happy about it, I am happy for her! In fact i am excited she has siblings because otherwise she'd be the only child because I could not have more children.

My SDs wished their parents got divorced (especially OSD), they were married for 27 years, 10 of which were good, and after that everything was downhill and of course kids saw it. In fact they are happy that their parents finally did get a divorce. At least they get to see their dad not being depressed and there is peace and quiet in our home.

"Grandma still makes comments to DH about how she wishes he and BM would be together!"
Love, it is hilarious, my exMIL made comments that she wishes I and ex stayed together, i understand, she loves me, and she does not like divorce. But heck we've been divorced since DD was 4 and she is 23 LOL, ex is remarried and has THREE more kids. I get along with exMIL but I finally had to tell her that "com'n now let it go."

"Again, I am NOT saying divorce (or not being married) is *good* but I don't think it automatically means a child is going to have a tougher life. I think often it IS for the best." True. Ideally of course people stay together and raise children together but it does not always work this way, it does not mean that children are so deprived.

Of course if after divorce/break up one parent stops seeing their children it is a shame, but they would probably neglect their kids even if they stayed intact.
myfampg
Original Author
15 years ago
I just posted this because it was something given to us by therapist.
parent_of_one
15 years ago
I think everyone is in support of your post myfampg. We are just adding that kids form intact families would benefit from these rights too. Just any kids, from whatever arrangement. Some kids in intact families are in no better condition than kids with divorced parents. We are just adding to your excellent point. I wish there was Bill of Rights like this.
lovehadley
15 years ago
"I think everyone is in support of your post myfampg. We are just adding that kids form intact families would benefit from these rights too. Just any kids, from whatever arrangement. "

Absoutely! I wasn't saying anything negative about it at all, myfampg. Hope it didn't come across that way!
myfampg
Original Author
15 years ago
No - I was just commenting why I posted.

I never had an intact family so I have no idea what that's like :(
Unfortunately the statistics show there aren't many out there
parent_of_one
15 years ago
I think it is way more than 50% plus statistics is even worse for second marriages.
myfampg
Original Author
15 years ago
In my premarriage counseling a few years ago, it was 70% failure rate of second marriages end in divorce. The % of 1st time marriages ending in divorce is creeping up quickly too.

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