In response to MountainBreeze.... I agree that its sort of "non-traditional" to ask people to come to a destination wedding that you have no intension of reciprocating their efforts by paying for a meal or cake and punch. BUT I also think that if the guest list is small enough for the people traveling to the wedding you don't even NEED to send invitations. Email, call, have your Mom or someone call... It's always easier to talk to someone about a sticky situation informally than trying to figure out some eloquent way to tell them something they might not want to hear. (you know it comes off impersonal and therefore impolite) Then with the people invited to your reception at home, just make it like a regular invitation...as formal or informal as you want. I mean the economy issues go both ways, but if you go to a family member or a friend personally and say... We can't afford this but love you and wish you could attend; please do if you can afford it as well then you don't even need to worry about half the stuff that I'm sure is on your mind. I have a similar problem have been searching around the web....maybe someone brilliant can help me!! I am getting married in my home town...which I don't live in and neither does my man. We are having a small family wedding with a formal sit down dinner to follow in my home town in Indiana. THEN.... we (my fianc� and I) are coming back "home" to Tennessee to have a follow-up less formal reception celebration with our friends and some of my extended family who also live in TN. Majority of the people who are invited to the wedding are not coming to the Reception in Tennessee. (Why would they it's far away and they already saw us get married?) BUT there are about 50 extended family members (that all live in TN) that I want to invite to the wedding with the anticipation that they will choose to come to the Reception in TN instead of driving to IN. So I was thinking of sending the following: Indiana wedding people get invitations to the wedding with RSVP Cards ( That will Read: Please Reply by X: Accept ____ Decline_____ if accepting: Chicken_______ or Steak________; Tennessee Reception ONLY people get there own seperate invitations to the Reception saying (we were married on XYZ, please join us for a Reception celebrating our marriage at blah blah; Then! Here in lies the problem--what do I do about those 50 family members who I want to invite to the wedding and also give them the choice of coming to the Tennessee Reception? I was thinking of sending them a seperate Reception card (included when I send the wedding invites) that say in a nut shell "in lieu of wedding you can instead attend the Tennessee Reception") Now... how do I word that without sounding like an idiot (see above!) or does anyone of this world wide web have a better idea!!!!! I'm getting married in April of 2011 I've have run out of Freaking Time to be clueless!! Thank you to anyone who responds. StephC.

I rarely disagree with sweet pea, and I don't on almost everything she wrote, except I wouldn't wear a wedding gown, and I don't think your husband should wear a tuxedo (unless it is a black tie party anyway, of course). (I stress that I am thinking of a traditional wedding gown; if you mean a regular dress, even a long white one, that you are planning to wear to your wedding, then wear it, as long as it isn't dressier than what the guests will be wearing, or at least not much -- i.e., if they will be wearing short party dresses, you could go ahead and wear an evening gown, but not if the party is casual or in the daytime.) Your guests won't say anything, but some will be secretly laughing and thinking that you are being kind of silly, and maybe even that "they just really want to have it all -- they didn't care enough about our presence to have the wedding where we could be included, but they still want us to admire them in their finery." This is one of the tricky things about destination weddings; you have to be careful not to be trying to do the same wedding more than one way. But you can have an absolutely terrific party for your home reception, dressy or not as you prefer. Wedding gowns are for weddings, and yours will have been a different day. Wear a smashing party dress or terrific casual outfit, according to whatever kind of party you choose. (I'd rather wear that than a wedding gown any time.) I like the idea of photos or a video from the wedding, but only if (1) either everyone or practially no one (wedding party and close family excepted) at the reception was invited to the wedding -- otherwise you're showing your B-list friends all the fun the A-list had; and (2) if you do a video, have it running on a loop somewhere where people can go and watch all or part of it as they wish; don't sit them down and give a presentation of the film. This is the same issue as the wedding gown; if you want them to see the ceremony, then have them attend it, but don't exclude them and then force them to watch a video or, worse, a reinactment. As to what you should do and what you should have -- well, your imagination is the limit! A reception is a party. So have whatever kind of party suits your personalities, your budget, and your guests' tastes -- anything from a backyard picnic to a white-tie extravaganza. Although I would, as I said above, avoid any type of pseudo-ceremony -- don't fall into the trap of thinking your guests will feel cheated otherwise; they won't -- it would be great to have the same types of toasts and thank-you speeches and, if you have dancing, wedding dances that you would have at any other wedding reception.

There are often receptions or parties after the wedding. But I have never seen anyone wearing a bridal gown at one just so those who weren't at the wedding could see it. I'm assuming you are talking about a traditional wedding gown. But it was a small ceremony; perhaps you wore a terrific "regular" dress? If so, I absolutely would go ahead and wear it again for the party. That you wore it for your wedding doesn't mean it needs to be enshrined forever! If it's a traditional gown and veil -- well, you know your group, and we don't. So I don't know if they really are all that worked up about seeing you wearing a wedding gown, or if they will be thinking it seems a bit silly, or some of each. In any case, I assume all these people love you, so I don't think you have a problem with anyone permanently thinking anything bad. If you have your heart set on wearing your gown again, who is it hurting? I think the bigger issue is how YOU will feel. The fact that you are asking here makes me suspect that you feel uneasy about it, and if you plan to wear it, you will be second-guessing yourself from now until the party and all through the party, worried that you will feel foolish, which will reduce your own pleasure. If you wear a terrific regular outfit, you will for sure feel confident. Believe me, you will still be The Bride! Maybe wear some flowers, too. Best wishes on your marriage, and have fun at your party whatever you decide to wear.

If money is no object....then money is no object. (Yeah, I know, I'm brilliant. Ha.) If someone has the cash to spend, I hold zero opinions how they should spend it. That's the beauty of America. :) How someone chooses to spend discretionary income is up to you. My concern is that there seems to be huge pressure to make the wedding An Event to Remember anymore. Too many people are focused on planning a party, and not thinking about the fact that means you're (allegedly) going to be spending the rest of your life with this person. As I said, I know people who took out loans to provide An Event to Remember for their daughters' wedding/s. Half of those weddings are already over. I'm not sure I see the value in spending multiples of tens of thousands of dollars that they had to borrow, particularly on something that is a transitory state for about half the people who enter into a marriage anymore. I'd like to see more people focus on the actual marriage itself, rather than the party which precedes it. :-/