Biomoms and stepmoms
This comment was made on another thread.....
"I don't see why it is necessary for mom and SM to have a good relationship."
I keep hearing it said that mom's (and kids) don't have a choice in choosing stepmom, like it's some excuse if they don't get along... they don't need to because mom (or kids) didn't get to choose stepmom. (and the same is true that dad's don't get to choose the stepdad either)
What I don't understand, and I'm speaking as a mom since I've been a mom for 21 years and a stepmom for only 2, is why anyone with children would think it's not important to have a good relationship with someone that their children "HAVE" to be around. It was pointed out that the children and their mother can change teachers if their children or they don't like the teacher they are assigned, and that is true. You can't change to a new stepmom if you get one you don't like... that is true too. However, I would think that the fact that they didn't have a choice in picking them and the fact that they can't just request a replacement (like you can with a teacher or other person in your child's life), why any mother would not want to make the best of the situation their child is in? ESPECIALLY because she can't choose something different! Why would any mother want to contribute to a negative situation for THEIR child? How can a, supposedly loving, mother CHOOSE to participate in battle with the stepmom, knowing their child is going to HAVE to spend time there? How can a mother CHOOSE to divide their child's heart by encouraging or outright expecting them to choose them over their father? (and encouraging them to not visit their father because stepmom is there, does just that).
I'm not referring to anyone's situation in particular, but I have sat through numerous court cases where mom's are fighting to keep kids from visiting dad because she doesn't like stepmom. In most of the cases that I've listened to, the mom isn't complaining about dad' ability to parent, she's complaining about his wife. In every case that I can recall, the court was unsympathetic to these mom's and many leave the court crying or angry. It's interesting how these mother's that are supposed to love their children and want the best for their children, would rather put their energy and time, into filing court papers and fighting to cut these children off from their fathers, than to try and find a way to get along with the person that is in a place where they HAVE to send their child and may have regular interaction with their child.
Now, before I get slammed for not mentioning that the stepmom might be causing the problem or the stepmom might be the one jealous or insecure.. that may also be true. BUT, the stepmom has no obligation to the stepchildren, the parents do. The parents have an obligation to choose very carefully, the people they have in their children's life. While the stepparent should want what's best for the children too, it isn't the stepparent's responsibility or obligation to the children, it's the parent's.