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Destination wedding rehearsal dinner guests???

17 years ago

We are getting married in Mexico in January. Who do we have to the rehearsal dinner as everybody who is a relative is traveling to get there???

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Comments (6)

sheilajoyce_gw
17 years ago
The rehearsal dinner is the groom's family's party, and the decision as to number of guests is theirs too. Originally, the rehearsal dinner included only the parents and those in the wedding, with their spouses. Nowadays, it is often a dinner to which the groom's family invites more relatives or maybe even all of the out of town guests who have already arrived. It is up to them as to how many they want to entertain, and where. Some rehearsal dinners are at lovely restuarants, while others are beach or backyard BBQs. It is part of the whole wedding weekend and helps get everyone acquainted before the BIG DAY, which is nice.
talley_sue_nyc
17 years ago
I think it's quite possible that with a destination wedding, there is a higher expectation of everybody being included in all events.

One option, though, could be to have the smallest possible short event just for the wedding party, and then a larger night-before-the-wedding dinner.
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LOL! Well, Melvalena, I hope you won't be disappointed. This was from the decorating forum, not the wedding forum, so with apologies to the others for the off-topic post, here is your answer. **** Origin of the term: When we bought our house, it had a big, beautiful living room right in the center of the house, a lovely little study in the front, an enormous family room in the back, and no dining room (the previous 2 owners didn't cook). We use a dining room a lot, often for big groups, and although we used our living room in our old house, we realized that we mostly used the small space in the middle. So we turned the living room into a dining room, and the little front study into a ... what to call it? It serves the function of a living room, but it's too small (about 11 x 12) to call it that, and I just couldn't get myself to say "parlor." My daughter (then 11) named it the "schmooze room," because, she said, "That's where the adults will go to schmooze after dinner." ("Schmooze" is Yiddish for "chat.") When, years ago, I asked the decorating forum for advice on decorating it, the term kind of caught on, and a few other posters now have schmooze rooms, too, and developed a sort of philosophy about it. It seems a lot of people (who are lucky enough to have the space for it) like having a lovely and/or goofy little retreat of a room that doesn't have to be so practical. The (tongue in cheek) guidelines are these: - No computer, TV, or most other electronic items (opinion is divided on radio/stereo, with some people saying it depends on the type of music). This is a room for conversation, reading, and long, schmoozy phone calls (IF you bring a cordless in from another room -- no phone plugged in there). - No leaving anything here. This room always looks nice, even if everyplace gets cluttered. - Try to make any snacks or beverages you bring in special, or at least in a decent dish. No bags of chips. - As this room isn't a heavy use room like a kitchen or bath, it's a good place to be a little impractical, idiosyncratic, and whimsical (like fringe near the ceiling) in your decorating. E.g., this is the place to choose fabrics because the color or texture thrills you, not because they will be durable or not show grease stains (see previous guideline), and bold colors that you adore but that you might be afraid you'd get sick of if they were in the kitchen. - Preferably located out of earshot of TV and children. Children welcome, but for non-messy, grown-up behavior only (no running, fighting, or art projects). Pet rules depend upon how well your pet obeys rules! Lots of people (especially Monablair) on the decorating forum helped, and I feel their presence whenever I am in there. Here are a few pictures of our schmooze room (the artwork is different now, and the colors aren't QUITE as vivid as they appear in the photos).
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Around here, the wedding party (and spouses, and often whole families) and all the out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner (and any other "auxilliary" events). If a lot of the out-of-town guests are relatives, they and the in-town relatives are going to want to be together, so people invite the in-town relatives, too (I guess if that is a zillion people, you could limit to close relatives). In fact, in our community, the whole point isn't so much a "rehearsal" as a less fancy, fun way to entertain the out-of-towners, usually hosted by the groom's family, to allow them a chance to be the hosts. It's usually really fun -- lots of toasts and funny stories (that would really bog a wedding reception down if they went on too long) and getting to know each other. It's nice to invite the officiant, but you don't have to. I am a clergy wife, and I can tell you that we are pleased to be invited and not offended if we aren't -- the opposite of the wedding and reception itself, by the way, to which you really should invite the officiant and spouse, especially if it is the clergy from your congregation as opposed to, say, a JP you hire for the day and didn't even know. Don't worry -- at least in our case, we don't attend anywhere near every rehearsal dinner or reception to which we are invited; just the ones where we feel close to the family and think we probably would have been invited "anyway." You don't need to invite your caterer, photographer, or other vendors, although of course you can if you want. I guess the difference is that the officiant is sort of a member of the wedding party.
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your poor cousin! Her course of action sounds sensible. And once she's clearly communicated this (perhaps in a nicely worded letter sent "return receipt requested" to MOB, groom, and bride? LOL! But seriously, she should put it in writing), she needs to cut off contact w/the MOB as much as possible. Because she SURE doesn't need to spend her mental and physical energy trying to pick a wine that will not break her bank! The groom and his wife-to-be need to point out to the MOB that the groom's beloved mother is fighting for her life, and shouldn't be stressed at this point. And the poor bride! Her mom is gonna make her look like Bridezilla! And it think it's really crummy for the bride's side to create a HUGE wedding and insist that the groom's side pay the alcohol bill for them all. It's one thing for the groom's side to pitch in, but neither side should be bankrupting the other.
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sweet_pea10
17 years ago
When I have coordinated destination weddings, we often have a small rehearsal dinner two days before the wedding even if the rehearsal isn't held that day. It is possible to have the rehearsal in the morning the day before the wedding rather than in the evening. That way, you take advantage of time when many of the guests have not yet arrived so you have more time to spend later in the day with the larger group. Then, the evening before the wedding we usually have a large casual dinner of some type for all of the guests. The rehearsal dinner is for just the wedding party, parents and siblings and may be a bit more upscale than the dinner the night before the wedding.
gellchom
17 years ago
If everyone will already be there, I would invite them all.

I am part of a community that always invites all out of towners to the rehearsal dinner (or whatever the "night before" party is called) anyway, and I know that that is not true in every community.

But for a destination wedding? These guests have spent a lot of money and possibly used a good chunk of their vacation time to come to your wedding. To me, anyone who cares about you enough to do that is close enough to be the "inner circle" invited to the rehearsal dinner. It's not like they can stay home. What are they supposed to do instead? Arrange and pay for a restaurant dinner, then spend the rest of the evening sitting in their hotel rooms while you party? If I were one of your relatives, I would be stunned not to be invited to all the parties (and I would feel embarassed, as though the hosts never really expected or wanted me to accept the invitation).

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. Obviously, you can do whatever you want. But remember, you cannot dictate how your guests will feel about it. Do you really want even one of your guests to be thinking, "They think it's okay for me to spend hundreds of dollars to come to Mexico, just so they could have a 'destination wedding,' but I'm not worth the price of supper to them?"
mellnikm_hotmail_com
15 years ago
I think that it is perfectly fine to only invite certain people to a rehearsal dinner for destination weddings. Destination weddings are generally in fun locations, and the expectation is that guests will make a vacation out of it. Guests have to take some responsibility for making the most out of their trips and not sitting in their hotel rooms. It is not your responsibility to enterain all guests the entire time, though you may want to point them in some directions of recommended sites for meals, drinks, shopping, and entertainment for their stay. I think as long as your cut-off is justified then there is really no problem (if one uncle is invited then all aunts/uncles should be, etc). I have been to several destination weddings where I have not gone to the rehearsal dinner, and I don't see anything wrong with that. In fact, I am sometimes happy to have the down time to explore what the area has to offer rather than being booked the entire time. Guests can't expect you to throw two weddings, which in essence would be what you would be doing by inviting everyone, especially if your rehearsal dinner is formal, as mine is.
TheAlternativeBride
15 years ago
Wedding etiquette says that out-of-town guests have to be invited to your rehearsal dinner in addition to your wedding party and immediate family. So if you're having a destination wedding, well, everyone is an out-of-towner unfortunately...

If you feel that's too pricey, here's what I would do:

1. Plan a cheap dinner. Do pizza delivery by the pool. Everyone can come and everyone will have fun.

2. Have a smaller rehearsal dinner, but plan a gathering for the other guests who aren't invited. Think board games, beach olympics, sightseeing tour... That way even though they can't come to the rehearsal dinner, they'll still appreciate your thoughtfulness.

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