"But since I was 18, I have been isolated from them. My parents include both the boys in all their vacations and most activities, although I'm rarely if ever invited. They even started excluding me from their 'family' Christmas with the Big Tree upstairs, since I have kids - supposedly, and have made me do Christmas with them in the downstairs entertainment area with my aunt and her kids - after and separate from their Christmas (although both of my SILs have attended theirs since they first dated my brothers)." I second KKNY and others who suggested there is a major backstory here that is missing. No parents "isolate" their 18 yo daughter (if that's what they did) without a reason. Parents don't have a "separate" Christmas (with a separate "Big Tree upstairs" which I guess is also an indication of a more special family celebration)from their DD just because she has children. (You indicated that your brothers' girlfriends (now wife and fiancee) have always been included in the "Big Tree" celebration, so it's not the fact that you have a DH.) AND, as for the slide show, it is extremely weird that you were not in any photos. I don't mean to be flippant, but, in the absence of some horrid mistake, a monkey putting together a slide show like this would make sure that there was at least one photo of all of the groom's siblings, especially one who lived with him, as you apparently did, for the first nine years of his life. No, it seems to me that there is much, much more to this than you have disclosed, so much that I certainly can't give you any advice. However, IF on the other hand, you truly have given a full and accurate depiction of events and you have never done anything whatsoever to warrant or cause your "isolation" and have no idea on earth why your mother, SD and 2 DSBs would treat you this way, then if I were you, I would consider these people psychopathic and disassociate myself from them.

If I'm understanding you correctly, it's not so much about the title as it is about the idea that there is one special person who is sort of responsible for all the things that an MOH would normally be responsible for, both at the wedding and in the days leading up to it. I think you have some options here. You can assign one of your other bridesmaids to step in and take those duties. You can split those duties among all your other bridesmaids. You can ask a family member who is close but not already in the wedding to take those duties. You can do any of the above without actually calling someone "maid of honor". If you're worried about having an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, I think that your friend would understand and not feel bad that you asked another person to stand up for you. These days, though, anything goes. I've seen weddings with lopsided attendants and it was just fine. Unless you're printing a program (I guess that's almost the norm these days?) no one will even know if you have a MOH or not, they'll just see the attendants standing up there. Even if you do have a program and just name your absent friend as MOH, again, no big deal. The thing is, there just aren't any "rules" about these things. If you want to have two or more or no MOHs, who's going to tell you not to? It's all about what makes you comfortable as long as those attendants are all on board.

It's your wedding, have who you want. I agree with the other poster who said your friends should not be upset about being chosen "second." They don't even have to know why. Just say "she" cannot attend after all and I would like to ask you. It's not a lie, it's just no one's business. If she gets offended, then yes, consider making new friends. When I got married we totally did it in an untraditional way. Like I said, it's MY wedding... I can do what I want. We just each had attendants, of both sexes, in both lines. One of my closest friends is male, should I exclude him from my wedding party? Of course not! So we each had both sexes in our wedding lines. We called the two signing our certificates "Attendants of Honor." We did not call any of them bridesmaids or groomsmen. Simply Attendants. It's your wedding. Do what you want. If you don't want a MOH, don't have one.

Thanks to all you wonderful ladies for your time and responses. I will try to touch on a few things now... mom2emall - If this wonderful man and I do decide to get married in the next couple of years, his DD9 and DD5 would be perfect ages for to be a junior bridesmaid/flower girl, respectively. I would definitely hope they would want to do this. When he discussed with them previously how they would feel if we got married, being able to be a "flower girl" was their only concern! LOL. Also, my boyfriend's family *all* lives overseas (his mother, brother, friends, aunts, uncles and cousins do, his father is deceased) and I don't know how they would even be able to afford to come...another painful sticking point, let alone take care of the girls. fiveinall - I have heard of the family ring exchange, sometimes I guess it's with necklaces or bracelets too. This is a must! imamommy - I agree that leaving from the wedding right to the honeymoon might make the girls feel a little dumped-off. As much as I would love to take a limo right to the airport...point noted. JNM - The girls have never met anyone from my family and have never traveled to the west coast (they live in the south and we live in the northeast). My family has only ever seen photos of them. So...the expense and logistical issues are enough to give me many sleepless nights and I think would challenge any wedding planner...and we aren't even formally engaged yet! Thanks again =-)