gifts for unconventional wedding??

17 years ago

I am attending a wedding at the end of July for two people I have known for several years. They are very much like my 'second set of parents' - as they are in their 50's and 60's and I am 23. They have been together and lived with one another for just about 30 years, but have decided to get married at a local vineyard. It isn't fancy - they will probably be wearing jeans! At this point, there aren't any plans for a reception, other than a possible get together at their home afterwards. It seems kind of 'last minute' and very small - nothing fancy and very simple. At this point, invitations haven't gone out, I believe it's all word of mouth. I want to purchase a gift, but am unsure if that's the right thing to do for this type of unconventional wedding. If I should, what should I purchase? They obviously have everything they need (and then some)! I'm just not sure!

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Comments (5)

duckie
17 years ago
By all means give them a gift. Purchaced is appropriate, but hand made would be good too. This wedding may be intimate and causal, but they aren't treating it as insignificant.

You know them better than we do. What would you give them for a birthday or Christmas present? That would be a good starting point. The info I have - vineyard, jeans, entertaining at home, have all they need - you might look at something like a cheese of the month subscription. I suspect they generally enjoy having friends over to the house for a glass of wine. This would make that even more fun, and have no clutter later.
sweet_pea10
17 years ago
Definitely give them a gift. People always like to be remembered. You can always give them a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant or tickets to a concert or sporting event. Think about things they would enjoy using rather than adding to what they already have.
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Here's what Emily said in her 15th edition (which is the one I have on my desk): "It used to be considered obligatory to send a gift, even though you could not attend the wedding. This is still true when the principals are friends whom you see from time to time, or who live nearby. In the days when that "rule" was made, people di d not move aroudn as they do today, and invitations were sent ONLY to those within a reasonable distance. Today people often send invitations to their entire list of acquaintances..., not thinking about the obligation they impose. So if you live in California and receive an invitation to a wedding in New Jersey from people ou haven't seen in ten years, don't send a gift. If you are customer, a client, or a patint of someone you meet only professionally, an dyou have never met the bride or groom, don't send a gift. .. This does not mean that you should not send a gift to a bride whose family you will see in the near future, even though youa re at a distance when the wedding takes place. For example, the daughter of people you see every summer at your vacation home, who has grown up with your children, gets married in December. The fact that you are hundreds of miles away does not relieve you of th responsibility of sending a gift, if you receive an invitation to both wedding and reception. If you don't, you will surely receive a cool "reception" yourself when you meet next summer. (italics hers, bold is mine) Basically, if you are not close enough that you'd spontaneously buy them a gift, then they shouldn't be inviting you. If they invited you and you aren't close enough to ever consider going to the wedding, then you don't gift them a gift. Brides are supposed to be keeping that obligation in mind, and are supposed to be keeping their guest lists conservative.
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I think it could depend on the relationship with him as well as what it will cost in travel and accomadations. Also what you can afford. My family has a huge range of wealth or lack of, so some could spend the 2 grand to travel and give another 1000 on top. I tend to be overly generous being squarly in the middle financially. I recently had two events for two nephews. One a wedding and one a ”major award”. I could not attend yhe wedding so I gave 1000 which was still less thanwe would have spent to travel along with something I had from his grandad for sentiment. The other nephew I spent a couple grand on travel and hotel and made a painting of our hometown and a gift of 500.
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>> Rob, you'll be here all day explaining to them and they'll just keep piling on more because that's the fun part of this for them. Don't give them that reward. E'gads. I find no fun in this nor am I (or others, IMO) "piling on". I want to be responsive to questions and do think of the situation and offer suggestions. But I don't like to waste my time thinking of something to help the OP or offering that to the OP, which is exactly what I feel I've done here, because it started with a simple question and then was expanded upon, and she seems to only want answers that will fit with HER agenda.. And .... so ..... no more wasted time on this thread. D.o.n.e.
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gellchom
17 years ago
Sure, give them a gift. The style of the wedding is irrelevant to your choice of gift, but your relationship to them as "a second set of parents" does. You aren't "getting them off to a good start"; they probably have what they need anyway. Don't worry about thinking of a wedding-y thing, and don't worry about it having to be anything big. Just get them something that you think they will enjoy -- as duckie says, just as you would for a birthday or Xmas. They will smile and think of you whenever they see it. I bet they would love something you made, or a pretty frame with a picture of the three of you in it.
sue36
17 years ago
Maybe a gift basket based on a shared hobby or related to the wedding? A nice basket with wine, cheese, a corkscrew, a stopper, some wine crackers, etc. I don't know what you can afford, but you can get good wine for $15 per bottle easily. If it is something you can afford (and something they would like and appreciate) you could add a very nice champagne or wine. You might want to add a little tag in it about it being for them to enjoy together so they don't feel obligated to dip into it at the reception.
sheilajoyce_gw
17 years ago
Well, for late or 2nd time around weddings, I often give something monogrammed as I figure that is something they don't have. Restaurant certificates sounds good too. Or if they have a special interest like some kind of cooking--equipment or a cookbook. If they have a yard that could use a special plant, a lovely flowering shrub might be nice, but that would depend on the yard.

gifts for unconventional wedding??

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duckie

sweet_pea10

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