In years past I have had quite a few big out door parties. My back yard alone is about 1/2 an acre....and ringed with bushes and trees and gardens. The best solution I found was something called "skeeter beater"...granular stuff you sprinkle around a few hours before the party. It worked fairly in combo with yard guard....but every flower it got on became discolored in a day or 2...some leaves too...spotted. New growth and flowers covered it up but.... If I were doing sometning like that now, I would start now being vigilant about any water. I would have a dunk in every birdbath and pool and ask my neighbors to do the same. And I would start soon with spraying every few days to reduce the population. I know...I hate to put that much poision into the air but.... Then the day of....I would do lots of Yard guard....fans aw far as I could string them. Not blowing from the shrubbery into the crowd but from the crowd to the shrubs. and I would have a table with every type of repellant I could think of. No citronella candles...gag! I don't know what your time frame is, but skeeters become most active at dusk, It won't be too bad before that time and once it gets good and dark they sort of go to sleep. So perhaps a second run around the perimeter of the yard about 7:00 would further knock them back. Good luck....sounds lovely! Linda C

Nettie: You don't *have* to invite all the out-of-towners to the rehearsal dinner; in fact, if the groom's family is truly hosting, I think it's sort of rude to expand the guest list on them. If they *offer*, OK, but I wouldn't even ask them, for fear of them feeling pressured. Normally, the rehearsal dinner is strictly related to the rehearsal. Therefore, it's the bridal party and their dates, the officiant, and the immediate family (mom, dad, siblings) of the bride and groom. Grandparents aren't traditionally on that list. However, if they're there, it might be a nice gesture, so their feelings aren't hurt. One thing I think that happens when the out-of-towners are invited to the rehearsal dinner is, esp. if it's in a restaurant, it sort of feels like the reception itself, bcs everybody's there. So I'm sort of a foot-dragger on this; I don't like to invite the out-of-towners. Plus, I personally prefer the most personal touch possible for rehearsal dinners, and a big crowd makes it hard to do at home. (not that an out-of-town MOG can have it at home) That said, AS an out-of-town guest, I like to have something to do, and a chance to see some of my relatives. If you don't want to or can't expand the rehearsal dinner, you might recruit someone among the out-of-town guests to organize a get-together somewhere in case people would like it. Maybe an aunt and uncle can tell everyone that they'll all have dinner at whichever local restaurant, if they want to come along, and everybody can gather that way, and feel like they're not abandoned, without having to crash the other event. My uncle let us all know that they'd be hanging around at the restaurant AFTER the rehearsal dinner, and we could join them for drinks if we wanted, so we did that. We got to feel a part of things, a little, but they didn't have to feed u. We married in my true hometown, which meant that EVERYBODY except my mom and dad traveled for the wedding. So *I* hosted the rehearsal dinner, and asked my mom to help plan, and brothers to help cook and serve. We had a barbecue at a local park; and everybody was invited. I couldn't have afforded a restaurant meal for all those people, and this keps it from feeling too much like the real wedding reception (which was a buffet at mom's house, so it's not like it was THAT much different). Good luck!

Maryann, you're going to run into trouble if you try to answer this question by trying to find some sort of "rule" for "who pays" in this very specific set of circumstances. Of course, there is no such rule. The basic "rule" for "who pays" for anything is that hosts pay for the parties they host. But even that has loads of exceptions and variations; often, especially at big events like weddings, others chip in, either dollar amounts or specific items (bar, flowers, etc.). In this case, it sounds to me like this would be an expense that the hosts of the dinner -- the groom's family, you say -- would pay. But I sure wouldn't surprise them with a bill. I would just tell them something like, "I know you are planning to host a dinner after the rehearsal, and I thought you might want to know that the church fellowship hall is available for $200, if that's where you'd like to have it." If the problem is that you already know that they are planning to have the dinner there, and you suspect they think it's free (maybe all of you assumed so), then you will need to be very tactful. Something like, "Muriel and Jethro, I just found out that although the fellowship hall at the church is available for your dinner, they will charge $200. I'm so sorry for any confusion. Do you still want to have it there?" or whatever fits your facts. If you have a great relationship with them, no problem, but if not, it might be easier to do this by e-mail or via the kids. Good luck!

You know, I understand how you must feel -- I would really want to do it all my own way -- but this may actually be a wonderful opportunity for something much more important. Maybe she is feeling and acting they way she would with a sister or brother, as if you already are one big family. That's a good thing, in my view. Possibly she is trying hard to be helpful, especially if you are hosting a lot of her family and friends, or if you are out of town or something. Entirely taking over is another thing, but I'm not sure that's what you mean. You picked the theme, venue, menu, music, etc., I'm guessing. Can you maybe incorporate the stuff she bought with your own choices? That will make her feel good without interfering all that much with your own tastes. As I said, I, too, wouldn't like it -- I'd feel like she has her turn at the wedding, this is my turn to be the host. (And that's even assuming I didn't hate what she bought!) But there may be a "greater good" here if you can look at it that way. If it's going too far, though, talk to her -- DON'T triangulate it through her daughter. Be sure to be very nice and have twice as much gratitude for her helpfulness as request that she back off. Make sure the tone is more "Let us surprise you!" and not at all "Butt out!"