A bit of a different slant--Father of the groom shenanigans. When we got married, I bought my fiance a nice navy suit, which was quite the chore back in the day before there were lots of options for tall guys; he is/was 6'4" and 180 lbs. Anyway, I found a nice 3 piece suit in a conservative navy. My father had a nice suit in a conservative navy. I asked my future FIL to wear a nice suit in a conservative navy. At which point he went out and bought a nice suit in a conservative BROWN! I was sooooo angry at him, and since he was the best man I was convinced my dream wedding image for the guys was ruined. So, on our wedding day there was my FIL resplendent in his brown suit. I was still a tad miffed, right till we were all leaving the church and as we walked out the doors, he suddenly gave me the world's biggest hug, with the joyful comment 'now you're part of the family!' and the world's biggest smile to go along with it. He's gone now but thinking of that moment still makes me smile every time. It was a good lesson too about whats important and what's not on a wedding day. Happy memories come from what we do and say, not what we wear...have a wonderful wedding! Ann

Here's are some interesting questions for you to think about: What do you think gave him the idea that he could flirt with you like that and get away with it? What does that say about him and his perception of you? He's taking a very big risk with his behavior, so why would he jeopardize his job and fiance over someone he barely knows? You are new to this company and you know he's engaged. Why are you taking these kinds of risks? Negative first impressions are nearly impossible to change. You have now defined yourself as a flirt and potentially much more. I'm sure that most of the rumors have you more involved with your boss than you really are. That's how office gossip generally works. Your boss probably established his reputation as a player a long time ago. Try keeping things professional with him, and always steer the conversation back to work quickly. Have work related questions or items ready in your mind or on a notepad every day when you have to meet with him. Then get busy with work. Working hard and doing your job well is the best recourse right now if you are going to try and stay there. Avoid the coffee and other outside of the office get togethers that he suggests. Tell him you're busy or have other plans. He'll get the picture. If you think it's going to be weird for you, it will be worse if you continue this much longer. If you sleep with him, your problems will multiply and it will be difficult for you to effectively do your work there. Save your self respect first and then your job until you can find another one. Your boss isn't going to be paying your bills if he ends up firing you or if you both are terminated.

We just got ANOTHER one like this! A postcard this time. [Note: I am CHANGING the date, names, and location, to protect their privacy -- i.e., NOT Zachary and Lauren, NOT Napa/Carmel, and obviously not August 32.] The front says, SAVE THE DATE August 32, 2008 and it has 2 pictures of the couple, but both small; you can only, barely, recognize faces in one. The reverse says: Mark your calendar for a Napa Valley wedding! Please view our website for more wedding/hotel details: [URL of web site] Ww hope you can join us and we can't wait to see you in beautiful Napa!!! Love, Lauren and Zachary My husband had NO clue, and he found it annoying. I figured it out, because I had heard that my cousin "Zachary" is engaged. He is much younger (my first cousin's son), and lives far away, so I haven't seen him in several years, when he was much younger; I'm not sure I would have recognized him from the tiny picture. neesie writes, "If you can't recognize the couple by their first names, are you really close enough to "save the date" and invest in celebrating their happy occaision?" Maybe that's true if their names are Cuthbert and Thusnelda. But, as I wrote earlier, even if they are very close, if their names are common, you may well know more than one person by that name. And remember too that many invitees are closer to the PARENTS than to the couple, so even less common names may not ring a bell. If I get a save the date or a shower invitation for "Rachel," I may be baffled, because I know a lot of Rachels and a lot of people who have daughters named Rachel -- and when you consider that I may not know Rachel at ALL, but I know her FIANCE'S family very well (I might even be related) -- well, it's hopeless, even if her name is Thusnelda! The point is, it isn't just people that you "barely know" that confuse you when they don't put last names ANYWHERE on the save-the-date or invitation. (And this one didn't even have a return address, so no clue there.) So I think it's a mistake to do it.

I had the same dilemma. My daughter moved from NJ to California in January and we needed to get creative as far as planning her shower. Because she had to fly in from California the shower was brunch style on Saturday and her bridesmaids and friends had her bachelorette party that night. When I was researching proper etiquette on showers and how to handle the gifts, I found this board. I started to panic when I read some of the responses about not having a shower if the guests can't bring their gifts, or the pay $100 of dollars to ship. The best one was to return all the gifts and re-buy them. Well we didn't do any of that and the guests loved what we did... so here it goes. I wanted to post so anyone else who reads this board can have a good option. On the invitation we wrote: To make _______'s flight home easier, if purchasing a gift, please ship directly to: >>>>> and we put the brides address. For fun!! Wrap a photo or token of the gift you sent to open at the shower. Note: Most stores that would be on a registry offer free shipping. A lot of people teamed up and put their orders together to qualify for free shipping . The bride then set all the packages aside as they got delivered before the shower and she promised not to open. At the shower, when it came time to open presents, it was so much fun to see how creative people were. My sister in-law bought the silverware and wrapped up a set of silver plastic ware and had photos of the actual set. Everyone got to see all the beautiful gifts, and it was fun. At the end of the shower so many people commented that it was the best shower they have been too. They got to see the surprised look on the brides face when opening the gifts. When the shower was over, we were able to pack up all the tokens and smaller gifts into her luggage and I gave her a shopping tote to carry onto the airplane for what wouldn't fit. Something else we did: the groom was not able to fly out that weekend...so we had video clips of him with a welcome and then answering questions about the bride. After each question the bride would give her answer and then we would play his. This was a hit. It took about 12-15 minutes and everyone was laughing at the funny stories. Don't be afraid to throw a shower for an out of state bride. If you only invite close family and friends, they will not mind shipping their gifts. I know if I went through the trouble of shipping a gift to myself, bringing it to a shower, to find out that it was returned, I think I would be upset that the bride and mother had to go through all that trouble, when most times it is free shipping. Those people that did not want to ship a gift ahead of time, purchased gift cards or gave a check. It was a beautiful shower and the bride beamed from beginning to end... She is now back home and just started opening all of the gifts with her husband to be. This worked out perfect and we did not offend anyone. Good luck!!