sure, you can! Esp. since you've defined the scope of your needs as not overlapping w/ the bride's (and you're not trying to plan the ceremony or reception, LOL!)

You could even enlist two different people, since you have two different areas: entertaining, and clothes.

You could hire an event planner or a caterer to deal w/ the rehearsal dinner. They can do as little or as much as you wish. You could pick a restaurant, and ask them toa rrange everything for the rehearsal dinner, or hire a caterer and ask them to arrange everything (many caterers are used to renting tables or glasses, directing florists & decor, etc.; an independent caterer could work in any venue you wanted--at your home, the church fellowship hall, the capitol dome or a historic house--though not at a restaurant or catering hall which will want to do their own).

Event planners will work w/ restaurants or caterers & florists, etc., and take some of that burden off you if you wish, as well.

Wedding consultants often get asked to help MOBs buy dresses, as well as working on the entertaining aspects of the event.

And, some department stores have "personal shoppers" to help w/ clothes; or if there's a clothing boutique you've ever liked most of their stuff at, you could call the owner and ask for some personal attention--my mom has done that sometimes; she gets first pick of the dresses when they come in, and sometimes the owner would even be on the lookout to get in a dress that was her taste.

For hair & makeup, you maybe need to find a hairstylists w/ her own salon, and tell her of your problem, and ask her to help you--she can complie hairstyle ideas in advance, so you can use them to tell her what you like, etc.; she can do your makeup, etc.

But again, maybe a wedding planner can pull that all together in one person. I'd vote for calling some of them (if you can't find many in the yellow pages, call some catering halls or churches or even florists to see if they've worked w/ any that are particularly good), and ask 'em.

Most important is going to be that this person communicate with you well, and be willing to think of ways to make the decision-making easy on you (pulling together many examples of choices for you before the meetings w/ her, etc.)

Wow, do you have your hands full. But katclaws, you are a very capable person who will do beautifully!

I am always in favor of getting help organizing things -- often, it saves money, too. I think party planners are GREAT. But if cost is an issue, you may be able to most of that help free, and with a minimum of driving around.

If you know of a good place, like a restaurant, for your rehearsal dinner, I would talk to whoever is in charge of parties there and ask them if they can take care of flowers and music, too, or whatever else you want in addition ot food and drink. That pretty much just leaves invitations and maybe a photographer if you want that. The photographer you can hire over the phone anyway. If you end up going to a florist yourself, you can probably get away with one visit.

For dresses, did you know that services of the "personal shoppers" at department stores are free? Perhaps you could call and tell her what you need, and then just have to go, with your mom, once to try on dresses and shoes that the shopper has waiting for you. If you are REALLY lucky, you can get her to agree to come to your home, but that would require over-and-above service, perhaps by a shopper who happens to live near you.

If you want to wear makeup, then while you are at the deparment store, stop at the makeup counter and let them show you a few tricks. You will probably end up buying something, but you certainly don't HAVE to buy anything, let alone EVERYTHING they show you. Don't worry that you haven't worn makeup or a new hairstyle in a long time. You don't have to be done up by a professional -- this isn't the Oscars! I actually prefer to do my own hair and makeup. It sounds like it would help simplify things for you, too. A fresh haircut and perhaps a little mascara, lipstick, and blush are really 99% of looking "dressed up" enough for a wedding anyway.

You can do the invitations on your computer. Use colored or bordered paper and colored envelopes (like you can find at Kinko's, and I'm sure many other places) for an inexpensive festive look. You can use either the little card-sized ones or 8 1/2" x 11" papers. Go ahead and print address labels on your computer if you want (although in my experience it's usually just as fast to write the envelopes by hand).

I wish I could be there to stay with your mom that evening. My dad had Alzheimer's, too. Is there an Alzheimer's support group in your area? I wonder if they could give you some suggestions. We learned a LOT from an online support group in particular. People a little farther down this very strange road always have great tips and tricks for making other caregivers' lives easier.

Good luck to you! I'm sure it will all work out great and your guests will have a lovely time.

Is your daughter-in-law using a wedding planner? if so, contact that person and ask her if she would be willing to help you. In some cases, there may not be an extra charge for her help. In many areas of the country planners charge a flat fee to do whatever they need to do to make the wedding successful. That is the case in my area, so helping you with the rehearsal dinner and in choosing clothing would not cost more.

I am a wedding planner; I can tell you that with a few phone calls the planner can make most of the arrangements for the rehearsal dinner. She will know the facilities or caterers to call and she can quickly plan it. Shopping for you will take a bit more time, but it shouldn't be a huge problem.

She should also have access to people who will do your make-up for you before the wedding. In many cases, the people who do make-over parties are willing to use their samples to help in situations like this. They would come to you in advance and do your make-up in your home so that they can find out your skin tones and the colors that look best on you. Then they would use those same products to do your make-up for the wedding.

Good luck. With a few phone calls you should find the help that you need.