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Regarding Mom's Role In Wedding

15 years ago


While I was reading another discussion about both parents walking the bride down the aisle, a thought developed about my daughter's upcoming wedding.

Her father and I have been divorced since her mid-teens. She remains close to him, but my husband, her step-father, paid for her college, and for a majority of her first wedding. He's very supportive in general. Luckily he's also easy going and doesn't expect preferential treatment in any way.

My questions - or maybe I should say my thoughts - are about my role in the wedding ceremony. I'm spending a lot of time helping her plan the wedding. I'm making her dress, growing flowers and plants for decorating, and providing the dresses for the flower girls (our 3 granddaughters), and I'll be helping construct bouquets and favors prior to the ceremony.

I won't be hosting any parties, because I live 90 minutes away from her and her friends. I don't think there will be a shower since it's her second wedding. I won't have a role at the wedding, because that honor will be given to her natural father. If someone walks her down the aisle, it will be him (it would be weird for the two of use to escort here, since we're divorced). He will dance with the bride, toast the couple, etc. I will however be asked to take care of details during set-up and clean-up.

I'm feeling sorry for myself. Lots of work and very little of the "fun" stuff. My ex- on the other hand has virtually no investment of time or cash and gets all the credit (as he did at the first wedding). And my husband will be nearly invisible. Am I being selfish? I don't really like the idea of carrying around these negative feelings and would like to find some alternative ideas. I know that's vague, but this community seems very creative and level headed.

Thanks for your constructive ideas.


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