Court today..went well, all things considered

17 years ago

DH and I are pleased for the most part.

Ok, so right off the bat I got my full order of protection because BM did not contest it. It *does* say in there that she can pick SS up at our house CURBSIDE and that she is not allowed to enter the home, or even the driveway. We don't EVER do pickups/dropoffs at our house, anyway, so this is more of an emergency-type situation.

It also says that she is allowed to attend all events for SS. (This was expected because obviously the courts are not going to tell her she can't go to his school events, games, etc. but they are also not going to tell me I can't either. SO she will be around me at school functions.) But other than that--she can't call me, can't email me, can't show up at our house, etc. ALL GOOD. And it's for a full year.

So--on to the grittier issue, SS and his protective order. Obviously, DH did not get that, but we knew that. It was a FIGHT this morning, though. BM has a different (better!) attorney than she used for the school district issue. This lady was on the ball, I have to say.

DH's attorneys started out saying we want BM to undergo an evaluation at a treatment center and complete whatever program is recommended. BM said NO WAY. Wow, we weren't really expecting that. Then DH's attorneys said "fine, we want you to put in writing that you will not consume alcohol for 10 hrs prior to having your son and not at all when he is with you."

Again, BM and her attorney said NO WAY.

So then--DH's attorneys said "we are requesting a hearing to determine if an alcohol evaluation is necessary."

At this point, we were frustrated, thinking a hearing was going to be scheduled and the case was going to be delayed once again.

So then the attorneys all got together, with the GAL, and duked it out. DH and I were sitting down the hall and we caught snippets of the conversation here and there. Basically, the GAL was saying "look, what is the harm in BM undergoing the evaluation?' Well, BM and her attorney were just 100% adamant that she would NOT undergo an evaluation.

Finally, it went before the judge and the judge COURT ORDERED the evaluation! WOOHOO. BM and her attorney were taking the stance that this was an isolated incident, that BM was just out partying and got too carried away. Our attorney pointed out that this was at 3 pm on a MONDAY when BM was SUPPOSED to have custody of her son, and that these factors indicate there IS a problem.

Thankfully, the judge AGREED and BM was ordered to undergo the evaluation at a treatment center the courts typically use. HERE is the kicker--DH has to pay for it upfront. IF further treatment is deemed necessary, THEN BM will be ordered to reimburse him for the costs.

So--continued until early July.

All things considered--we are pleased with how it went.

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Comments (15)

organic_maria
17 years ago
Congrats.:)
mom_of_2.5
17 years ago
Wow, all that sounds great except the end. Do I understand correctly? that your DH has to pay for the evaluation and any subsequent treatment recommended? Then seek reimbursement from her? That could be really expensive and I'd be nervous about never being reimbursed. But, if she really gets the help she needs and your SS gets the true benefit who can put a price tag on that right?
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lovehadley
Original Author
17 years ago
"Do I understand correctly? that your DH has to pay for the evaluation and any subsequent treatment recommended? Then seek reimbursement from her?"

Yep. We were annoyed, too. I guess BM was complaining that she can't afford it and her attorney argued that she doesn't have a job. I know, why should that be my DH's problem? I think (according to our attorney) the idea is that if DH is confident BM has a problem, then he won't mind fronting the money because it shows he is serious about this whole deal.

He doesn't have to pay for subsequent treatment, either, just for the evaluation. IF further treatment is deemed necessary, THEN Dh will (supposedly, but I won't hold my breath!) be reimbursed for the cost of the evaluation and BM will be responsible for paying for treatment.
imamommy
17 years ago
Good for you guys! It's a start!

The best part is it' court ordered... not by agreement! She HAS to do treatment if it's needed or else. and as for paying, it will also be court ordered and in the form of a judgment. She may not pull out her pocketbook and pay him back voluntarily, but he has enforcement procedures to collect. So congrats!!! (I know it may not seem like much, but it's a HUGE victory when you get the Judge to order her to do something that she most likely will fight or fail at)
wild_thing
17 years ago
That sounds cool! Congrats! except for the DH having to pay for the evaluation though. That kinda sucks, but hopefully they will order more treatment and then she hopefully will have to comply with it then, and your dh won't have to pay for that.
I don't envy your situation.
kkny
17 years ago
Congradulations. I am somewhat uneducated on what an alchohol evaluation entails, and not being much of a drinker -- I dont mean to be pessemetic, but is it something that if you have some notice, you can fake your way through it.
sweeby
17 years ago
Mostly a good outcome --
And I can see why the court would order DH to pay for the evaluation -- to deter false allegations.
But like KKNY, I'm also wondering how an evaluation might uncover an alcohol problem in someone who would lie about it.
Though the 'lying about it' part can't be unusual...
dotz_gw
17 years ago
Exactly what I was thinking KKNY , she can lie, 300 bucks down the drain with no results..But there are questions on an alcohol eval that will trip her up..Ever been to court because of alcohol(thats a yes)Put your family in jeopardy (thats a yes) Shirked family responsibilities(thats a yes)Had remorse after drinking(THAT had better be a yes).The lying part will come in the form of how many drinks, how often,does it interfere with job or homelife, where she will answer no....All the yes questions are documented, and the evaluators are used to dealing with liars, so maybe they will flag her for treatment, hopefully....
dotz_gw
17 years ago
Forgot to say, KKNY, I was never on the business end of an eval(not yet anyway:)) I was in Law enforcement, and had to give cursory alcohol evals, so nobody in custody with the DTs would die in the middle of the night.(Common)But, mostly at that stage, they werent able to fool anybody...
lovehadley
Original Author
17 years ago
"I am somewhat uneducated on what an alchohol evaluation entails, and not being much of a drinker -- I dont mean to be pessemetic, but is it something that if you have some notice, you can fake your way through it."

Good question! DH asked the same thing today. He was concerned, as well.

Because this is court ordered, and because it will be done at a state treatment center, ALL the court records will be sent over ahead of time. So whoever does the evaluation will have seen the police report, the GAL's report, and the court order. Don't forget, too, BM had a DWI a few yrs ago and she blew so high on the breathalyzer that she had to do a special SATOP lock-down weekend at a hotel. They only do this for people whose blood alcohol level is extremely high. This is on her record. So BM can sit there and say "oh, I don't have a problem" but my guess is that's going to be tough to argue when the evaluator has all the facts on the table. I would expect (hope) that these people are trained well and know that many addicts/alcoholics will lie and deny, deny, deny.

ANOTHER added bonus to DH paying for the evaluation is that DH will also be "interviewed." This is really good! Our attorney also said the evaluator will most definitely want to meet with the GAL on the case, as well.

AND we also found out that the CURRENT GAL had contacted the old GAL we had for the school district---to get his thoughts on everything--and he said BM definitely has a problem that needs to be addressed. He said that was his impression before, but that there just wasn't any concrete reason to investigate further.
sweeby
17 years ago
"ALL the court records will be sent over ahead of time. "

YESSSS!
Sounds like the evaluation result will at least indicate that there's cause for concern.
justnotmartha
17 years ago
okaaay! After that last part I'm more confident this evaluation could really work! I sure hope so Love - it's time for the good guys to win one.

I will say, hoping this gives you confidence, that I was thrilled with the results of the custody evaluation. I knew that BM would lie through her teeth and not admit to half of the crap she pulled, said, etc. Turns out she didn't have to - the evaluator saw through her B.S. and nailed her to a T even with the pretty picture she tried to paint.

Have faith. I'm sure they know no one is going to walk in a say "I tried to drive off pi$$ drunk with my kid in the car." :-)
mom2emall
17 years ago
I am glad to hear that a judge ordered the evaluation! I just hope she is not able to pull the wool over the evaluators eyes. Please let us know what happens!!
imamommy
17 years ago
"I knew that BM would lie through her teeth and not admit to half of the crap she pulled, said, etc. Turns out she didn't have to - the evaluator saw through her B.S. and nailed her to a T even with the pretty picture she tried to paint."

JNM, this is what I'm betting on too in our case. **fingers crossed** The BM in love's case is SO much like SD's mom, it's scary! We have found new pictures of her on the internet, drunk and having a good ol' time. Nothing wrong with that... but why put it on the internet??? Her older DD posted comments to her drunken pics... so that proves her kids are exposed to her drinking, even if she doesn't take them with her... what a dumbass!!! (to post it on the internet when she knows DH found it the last trial & she's trying to get custody!)
nikemama
17 years ago
See the wheels are turning. It is going to be a long costly road but it looking pretty bright. I am so proud of you guys for hanging in there. If it plays out the way I think it will, you will have done what was said couldn't be.

Court today..went well, all things considered

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