To answer some of your questions wildthing: I certainly do not put up with what I consider direspectful behavior from my own child, regardless of the cause (typical teen or step issues). Disrespect is not acceptable under any circumstances. Sometimes dealing with disrespectful teens is not always cut and dried either. But there are always consequences that come with continued misbehavior. I think at this age, they are simply trying to push the envelope just to see how much they can get away with. Until they learn just what their limits are, they will keep pushing it. We set the boundries within reasonable limits and stand by them. With that said, I will also tell you that I do not put up with it from my SC either, regardless if they are "someone else's kids". That "someone else" is my husband, who explained to his children, the same as I did with mine, that he and I are the mom and dad figures in the home even if one of us is not their natural parent. Regardless of my position as a SM, I don't feel that I should, nor do I, put up with it. If I wouldn't put up with something from my own child, I'm not going to put up with it from my SC who live with me full-time. As far as my SC's BM goes, she lives 1000 miles away, is inconsistent in her contact with her children, does not participate at all in any of the daily care or support of the children (including not ever paying a dime of CS), and the kids have spent a total of 4 weeks total with her in the past 8 years of their lives. Therefore, as far as I'm concerned, she has no say in how we choose to raise them or how we handle things in our home. Not that she has not tried to "throw her BM rights around", but she was told by both of us that she could not control what we do in our home. They are living under our roof and are therefore expected to adhere to the same rules as the next child. When we blended as a family, we sat down and made up the rules for the house. Everyone had their say and ideas, and all imput was considered. In the end, it had to be something that everyone agreed to, we even signed "contracts" so it was understood that all were in agreement. They all know what is expected of them and what the consequences will be for non-compliance. Do they still break the rules? Sure they do. And in that respect, they are typical teens. They are not all the same, and each one has their own strengths and weaknesses, and they each get punishments for different things; but they all get punished when they push the limits of what is acceptable. My children's counselor keeps telling me that alot of what we are dealing with is typical of many teens their age. Some of it is exagerrated by the situations regarding moms, dads and SP's, but most is experienced by teen who come from traditional family units as well. Guess that is what prompted me to post this!

fwiw, I began and ended my responses to poppingrays with an acknowledgement not only that her SD was wrong to bring home the kitten but that I also had been as a teenager when I did the same. Maybe you all missed that before you decided to beat a dead horse for shitzngigglz. But it's there in type, you can read it again at your leisure... fwiw, my parents and I have long since worked out and resolved the issue, both admitting our wrongs and agreeing that none of us handled the situation the way it ought to have been handled. We have long since forgiven each other and empathized with where everyone was coming from at the time. So...problem over, at least among the relevant people. fwiw, though, it WAS one of the most painful experiences of my life. Which I suppose it would not have been if I could have more easily lived with myself and the situation and gone about my merry way without a care. If I didn't feel so much guilt, quite frankly, all around. fwiw, I say ONE of the most painful experiences in my life, and it stands out to me I think because of the peculiar combination of feelings involved. The mixture of loss, being in a no-win situation, shame, guilt (some deserved, some not) and fear about what would happen to a similarly powerless living being... situations causing this kind of clusterf*ck of negative emotions don't often happen simultaneously in a person's life. When was the last time any of you had an experience which caused you to feel all those feelings at the exact same time? I'm sure you don't remember it fondly. I applaud any of you if you dare to share such vulnerability here... fwiw, I have had many, many, many heartbreaking experiences in my life... some of which would make some of your eyebrows curl and most of which I won't go into here as they have nothing to do with stepfamilies. Didn't prevent my experience with the cats from being any less painful or eclipse it in my memory. Pain, as they say, is not a pie... fwiw, some of the experiences I have read some of you describe as your biggest problems in life I might say either "you brought it on yourself" or "lucky you" or call you "selfish" or "cruel". If what I read is inane enough, I do say those things. But for most of you, the majority of whom I respect, I refrain from giving full voice to just how ridiculous I think some of the hurts over petty perceived slights can be. That's because it's significant to you, whether I think it's petty or not, and because we are all human beings with different experiences and feelings. But also, we are all adults. I occasionally get blunt about my opinion, but I try not to poke fun, laugh at or encourage ganging up on any of you like this is the damn schoolyard. fwiw, my excuse for my teenage immaturity about my cat situation is having been a teenager at the time... what are y'all's excuses for being immature about it now?

Apparently, my navigation took me the shortest route and obviously didn't know someone put a chain across the road. I did a google map and looked at it from a satellite and saw an alternate road in. I got better directions from that and instead of the short route (37 miles), I had to go 58 miles but I found it. Unfortunately, nobody was home so i go back in the morning.

thank you ladies. the best medicine in cases like this is to keep myself busy, which I am doing. I just wish he had enough strength to let me go without calling me and crying. It is not a picnic for him either but it makes it unbearable for me. I spent a day at my parents and we recalled that we had two distant relatives who started wiht just minor drinking but ended up laying on the street in their own piss and consantly picked up by police and then dying of a heart attack in young age. Recalling that is enough for me to stay strong. I will not spend my life with anyone who is addicted to anything no matter how much i love them. thanks again, you have been very supportive.