Wow,

Now I know why I hate my Xs GF. People who dont work (oh I forgot you have school age children) wont help and lord it over evyone else.

thanks for giving me more motivation to make certain he lives up to every penny in the sep agreement

again kkny.... Good for you gets what is YOURS.

Hubby standing up for his children is wrong??
"In the best interest of the children" ... shouldn't their mother be a part of their life? and why can't she be held accountable for not being there for them??

does your ex have the children full time ?... do you make every excuse under the sun to avoid spending anytime with your children? do you pay him support and then tell your children I can't feed you anything because I give daddy all my money?.... do you tell your children why do I have to pay him to be your daddy?... do you tell your children the judge is going to put me in jail if I do not pay daddy? .... do you call your children "I'll pick you up tomorrow!" 2 hours before pick up call their dad and say I have to work can't get them. Does your ex deal with the meltdowns from the children because you disappointed them yet again???

Please stop comparing me to your exs gf. unless she is more involved in the upbringing of your child than you are.

Really, because at times I see someone who has it easier than everyone else, just like xs gf.

will see how long it lasts

Cawfe,

Can I buy a backbone for my DH, lol, too?

Seriously, by all accounts, you are not the stepmother, you are THE mother. I think we all know there's more to being a mother than giving birth.

I have no problem w/ helping out in a bind, but when the binds become the norm, there's something wrong. To disappoint a child repeatedly is disgusting - for any parent, mom or dad.

To let the children in on the adult issues (CS, custody unpleasantries, consequences of NOT paying CS) is likewise appalling.

Please, tell me what to type in on Ebay so I can order one of these - for both DH and I!

Dana

kkny: it is about not enabling someone. My husband used to do that all the time "for the kids." But, you know what? all it teaches the kids is that if you don't feel like doing what you need to do -- find someone who will do it for you.

My husband and I both have busy jobs and we both travel for work. However, we have a 10th grade boy at home and always ensure that our schedules are such that someone is always there for his son. We figure it out and adjust schedules.....and that is what this biomom will have to do.

What is wrong with these biomoms who aren't doing everything in their power to be with their own blood?! I just don't get it..........I had to finally conclude that ours doesn't have any maternal instincts...her needs are first, then her kids.....if a conflict...the kids suffer.

Good for you and your husband cawfecup! Hold her accountable for the little time that she has responsibility for her own children.

We had the best interest of the child "talk" the other night... after she broke another promise to the kids.

I think thats where the backbone came from ... its not "in the best interest of the children" not to hold her accountable for her responsibility and time with the children.

He did offer her a few outs ...cawfe will babysit, take them during the day, daycare and she didn't want to hear them just wanted to cry about her job.

Yes kkny
I have it easier than most I agree. I don't have to deal with the BITTER EX-WIFE he does.

Way to go Mr. Cawfe!
Be sure to let him know how much you appreciate his stepping up to the plate.
That BioMom really needed a wake-up call.
And maybe now you can have a little summer vacation -- just a little.

I'm jealous! My husband needs to get a backbone too with his bitter self-serving EW, lazy SS, and his resentful parents, all of whom bully us and have more of a say in our lives than I do. Anyhow....good for you and your husband.

She is under a court order that requires her to see her children twice a week? I have been told by more than one lawyer that visitation by the NCP is his/her right, but the NCP is never required to exercise visitation. The only consequence of not doing so over the long term is that the CP may be able to have visitation reduced by the court.

two nights a week ... picks them up at 5 pm on sunday and afterschool on thursday drops them off at school at 8 am. If no school she drops them off here @ 8am ... but doesn't go to work until 3 pm.

If the court order didn't say twice a week she would never see HER CHILDREN.

point is... she promises the kids she will pick them up and then doesn't. Involves the children in adult matters.

Do your children know EXACTLY how much support you receive? mine do she told them.

You're right she doesn't have to excercise that right but who suffers?? the kids they suffer either way I understand that. Just like they suffered when she wasn't paying CS for 18 months and they had to listen to how she was broke from paying support.

She says she took the paper to a lawyer and nothing can be done until they fire her. So because she is in comtempt for non-payment of support if she gets fired and doesn't pay her support she goes to jail. "will you bring the kids to visit me in jail?" direct quote!!!

Of course my kids know how much child support I receive, though I doubt if they have memorized the number. They've seen the check. They also know how much I earn, how much my house payment is, how much we spend on groceries each month, etc. Some of my kids started tracking their spending in Quicken in their early teens. By the time I was 12 or 14, I could have taken over the financial management in my family, too.

Of course the kids suffer if the NCP doesn't exercise their visitation, but there is no legal recourse. My kids' father has never come close to fully exercising his visitation, and for the past few years has rarely allowed them to visit at all.

At ages 8, 9, and 11 they knew how much you received??

Teenage years ... is perfectly fine to teach finances but my SC are very young...

And who suffers because he doesn't visit them?? Don't you think he should take some responsibility in raising them?

Does your ex tell your children he will be by to get them and 2 hours before call and say he can't make it...

Its one thing if she doesn't want to see them but stop telling them you do when you don't!! stop messing with their heads.

My lawyer also tells me that there is no recourse if NCP doesnt see children. My X sees child for one dinner every two or three weeks adn maybe two long weekends a year for vacation. He travels alot. Child says he always promises to take her, never does. I accomodate his schedule (to the extent that I am letting him take her on mothers day, for dinner with his mom and brother, and my birthday.

"will you bring the kids to visit me in jail?"

Do not blink, just say,
"Of course."

I don't know about Cawfe "having it easy". I'd much rather do the work I do every weekday than to have to care for somebody else's 3 children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Especially if she thinks she finally has a small break only to find out, at the last minute that she will not get that break or it will be cut short because BM doesn't want to take care of her own kids today.

At ages 8, 9, and 11 they knew how much you received??
I probably had mentioned it to them by that age, though they probably wouldn't have remembered the amount.

And who suffers because he doesn't visit them?? Don't you think he should take some responsibility in raising them?
Of course I think he should, but legally I can't force him to.

Does your ex tell your children he will be by to get them and 2 hours before call and say he can't make it...

Sometimes - but when he does cancel it is usually with less notice than that. Years ago, when he was allowing them to visit occasionally, he would say he would pick them up on Saturday morning - sometimes he would show at 10, other times at 1.

These are school age children. I really doubt this is a 24/7 issue.

And it appears that Cawfecup is complaining about being a a SAHM AND have not wanting to help dh and BM who work outside the home; in short, she wants neither an outside job or child responsibiltiy.

My Xs GF is like this. Takes no responsibilty. Gets annoyed when the school calls their house by mistake and wakes her up. Spends all her money on her clothes Etc. And before you call me jealous, your right on one point. She weights about 2/3 of what I do, and I think I did look that good 30 years ago, but I know I wont ever look that good again.

My only consolation -- daughter tells me they are fighting constantly and now X doesnt want to marry her, just live with her. I guess if all he wants is combination maid/housekeeper/nice looking one on his arm/bedroom partner, he has to figure she will need to be replaced at some point.

To Raek...

I have thought about going back to work for a break ... would she be able to drop them off whenever she felt like if I weren't here. I do look forward to the times they are with their mom. I don't get a "day off".

I have said repeatedly to hubby "if I weren't here would she be able drop them off at different times or would it have to be scheduled?" Answer scheduled... so take me out of the equation. Drop off and pick up times should be adjusted so its the 2 of you not the 3 of us.

If she were a more stable parent, I could get a job outside of the home. As long as she relies on me as backup she can do whatever she wants.

and to TOS ... no we can't legally hold her responsible but I refuse to let it slide anymore. Let HER tell HER CHILDREN she doesn't want to see them why do we have to be the bad guys and relay that messages?? NO they shouldn't be aware of what a loser their mother is ... but I am not going to let children treat me like dirt because their mother disappointed them again. If she didn't bad mouth myself and hubby at every chance she got to the kids maybe we wouldn't be so willing to put her in her place. WE don't badmouth her to the kids... we tell her to her face.

....conversation with my 8 yo SD why can't mommy live here with us? what do you mean? mommy says she doesn't have any money going to lose her house her car all her stuff becasue she has to pay daddy so if daddy built mommy a room on the house she could live here and wouldn't have to lose her car and she would have a house. I said mommy wanted her own space didn't want to live here with daddy. Buts thats cause her and daddy used to fight all the time and daddy didn't like cooking every night but you cook now so they won't fight about cooking anymore. I sat for a second not knowing what to say ... and said It would be great for you kids to see mommy every day but I don't think mommy and daddy would agree on living together again. Went into the kitchen busied myself in there didn't want to continue that conversation.

I missed your post KKNY....

ITS NOT AS IF WE ALL LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE?? WHY should I help BM?? What does she do for me?

So because she gave birth to 3 children she should be hailed as a saint?

you baffle me ... I just don't get it.

In the best interest of the children their dad and I made a decision that it would be best if I quit my job and stayed home to provide the children with a stable environment.

When I was just the GF, BM found out where I worked (40 minutes and 3 cities away) and dropped her 3 children off at my job because they were acting up and she had stuff to do!!!! BF was out of state for work. They were 6, 7 and 9 at the time.

The answer is if you are SAHM, you should help DH. You have decided not to, and he is, for now, backign you up.

How am I not helping him?

they are his kids

They were not conceived through immaculate conception they have a mother.

So you are saying if I worked ... she WOULD take some responsiblity for her own children??.... but because I am home it gives her all the rights in the world to be a slacker mom??

Goodie I'll go to work ... and when their mother doesn't show up at the bus stop on her days ... I can call you and you will run right over and get them?? what are you doing this summer ... want 3 kids for 10 weeks??

But right now, you arent working outside the home, and have been a SAHM with school age children, which by most people standards is a luxury. You seem to be complaining as summer is coming up. To encourage your dh to nag her about working long hours is a bit of "let them eat cake"

Ok so because she works she is exempt from being a parent??

I don't think that cawfe wants to "take no responsibility". I don't think she is like your x's GF at all. She has never complained that the school calls and wakes her up or that she has to get up in the morning and get the kids ready for school. Her only complaint is that the BM is not stepping in and taking some responsibility for the raising of her own children. I think Cawfe is more than happy to help her husband raise his children, but on the few occasions when it is their mother's turn to spend time with them she puts it back on Cawfe's shoulders. I think there are several points Cawfe is making here. 1) She is happy to help her husband on HIS scheduled days with the children, but she doesn't want to go out of her way to help the children's inconsiderate, selfish mother shrug off her responsibility as a parent. 2) She really is doing most of the same work any SAHM does except for the days in which it is their mother's alotted time with the children. 3) Cawfe understands that the children still need the connection with their mother and she wants them to be able to have that, but when the mother is constantly changing the plan and ignoring the time with the children it is frustrating. 4) Why should Cawfe have to give up the little bit of free time she has in order to help out BM when BM not only does not appriciate it, but talks trash to the children about her on top of it? 5) BM takes for granted that Cawfe is just always going to pick up the slack, so BM takes advantage of the situation.

I think that about sums it up.

Thank you Raek I think you summed it up perfectly.

I see KKNY posted but is avoiding my question

"Ok so because she works she is exempt from being a parent??"