Your first responsibility is to your husband. Don't forget that. Also, you MUST take care of yourself if you are to be able to help anyone. Sooner or later, your brother will have to go into a nursing home. You might not like to do this, but it probably will be unavoidable. Perhaps it is time to start working on that. He should be qualified for some sort of State aid for the disabled. Start looking around for a suitable place. Is it possible that you mother could come stay with you? It's only a matter of time until she also needs more help than she does now. It may be easier to move her now, rather than later. Please come and vent all you need to. We always listen. Sometimes we give poor advice, but we mean well. And sometimes, we give advice that may be very helpful. Take care of yourself and your husband. He needs you too.

My parents were married for 25 yrs when they divorced. Their marriage didn't come first at all. I don't know that even us kids came first...LOL. My mother has not re-married, but my father has. I have been on both sides of the fence with step-families. I was an adult when my father remarried. I have taken my approach with my SS's from what I have learned as a child of divorce, and from the mistakes his wife has made. 1. The marriage to my DH is of equal importance as his children. 2. The children need one on one time with their father regardless of how good our relationship is as a family. Whether intact or not, children need one on one time with each parent. 3. If anything were to happen to my DH, the chilren will recieve all monies from his life insurance policy, any items of his that they want, etc. It has been made clear to me and my siblings that we are not welcome to a personal relationship with our father. We are allowed to have one with him AND his wife (which is fine, but sometimes you need one on one with your parents) When I got married the first time, my father was dating his now wife. He brought her to my wedding. That was the first time I met her. They had come from out of state (about 1,000 miles) to our wedding. I welcomed her openly. She was awful. Very rude to my brothers, my mother, and disrespectful to my grandparents. She made it clear that she didn't feel that I was old enough to get married, and that she would never allow her daughter (same age as me) to get married. (I was young...21) Six months later, her daughter married a meth addict. Nice.... Anyway, over the years she's pulled some pretty crazy stuff. Alienating one of my brothers totally, and pi$$ing of the rest of us. Here's the thing. I still invite her to all family functions becuase she's my fathers wife. I remarried a while back, and she was invited to the wedding, and she sat with my in-laws, etc. I would never dream of treating her with any disrespect. I don't have to like what she does, but she is my father's wife, and that is the choice he made. My relationship with my father isn't what it use to be, and that's pretty sad, but that is his choice. I love him regardless. So, understanding both side of things, my goal is to foster a positive, fulfulling relationship between my DH and SS's. They all deserve it. What's funny, is that my DH would never allow me (or anyone else for that matter) to come between him and his kids. Nor would he allow my SS's to be disrespectful to me. I've been lucky, my SS's are very good to me. I don't know what I'd do if they weren't. I know I'd be crushed. I just don't think it's ever OK to exclude a bio OR step parent. When my SS had his 12th b-day party, he was mad at his mother still (he had moved in with us a yr before)and I told him "you invite your Mom, or no party...period". He got the message. We're teaching him tolerance. It can go a long way, just like manners.

Destined....thanks for your last couple of posts. By "plenty of money", do you mean she has enough resources to be able to live comfortably in an independent or assisted living facility? It is good that she is able to hire a cleaning person and someone to take care of her yard. I am not near her age yet (73), but am looking into places that I (and not my kids) would like to live when the time comes that I need help. So far, I am able to take care of myself, but I NEVER want to burden my children, except in an emergency. Two years ago, I built a new home....fully handicapped accessible, hoping with all new things, I will be able to stay here for many more years. Some days, I think it might be nice to live in an assisted living facility....someone to cook my meals, people to visit with, clean my house, and a bus to take me to outings...and with all the taxes, insurance, utilities, food, etc., it would not be much more than owning this house. I am a very social person and it does get very lonely at times since my DH passed away, but I realize the kids have their own lives and do not visit as often as I would like......but that is life! Is there a reason why you can not get your groceries when your mom gets hers? Take a book or magazine when you take her to her hair dresser...but cherish time you are able to spend with her while you have her...you will never be sorry. My mother had ALZ...and for many, many years, her mind was gone...oh my, talk about hard! We finally had to put her in a NH after she had some bad strokes and was more than we children could handle...so I know the heartache of being a caregiver also. Blessings to you....hang in there...and this too shall pass.

Yeah, I'm thinking wherever you go, a motorized scooter would be a lot better. While wheelchairs are easier on the rider, they can be rough on the pusher, especially if you're not used to it...it can be quite strenuous exercise. Before you go, wherever you go, do check to see how accessible they are... I'd think about doing a driving vacation where a lot of the views and scenery can be seen from the car without a lot of walking...maybe the blue ridge parkway...