What a gret idea, i agree too, you and your dh need some alone time and vacation time. i wish it was me! (sorry-lol). we have this organization called Westway, it was started by a church and now is open to anyone, if you can get it!!! i have been on the waiting list for 3 years this march, no i have not had a break at all, so if you can tell them maybe it's a mini vacation for them, maybe they might not give you such a hard time. probably after they've been there afew hours they'll probably be having a great time, it's like when your kids don't want to go somewhere then they get there they don't want to leave. you could also promise mom and dad a special treat when you come to pick them up. we also have a respite care facility where Alz. patients are and anyone who needs a break they can send their loved one there, for us even though it is by our house the 50.00 plus taxes is out of the question per day. things always do work themselves out, enjoy yourselves and tell us all about it when you get back, we need to hear some good things here! it's snowing and blowing up north!!! debbie

What an article. I am over-whelmed at the moment. It has hit very very close to home. My Dad was in much the same condition/mental state for 6 months before he died and I was his caregiver. I moved to FL to live with Mom and Dad and take care of him. His dementia was brought on by something a pd caregiver did/gave him . She had been in their home for 1 month. She and her spouse were attempting to get my Dad to sign checks behind Mom's back. By the time Mom realized what was going on and my DB and I got there all was lost. Except for the horror and the bills the incompetent medical community that we had to deal with. My only fault with the article is his ending. There is nothing you can do personally that will hasten your own end except suicide. If you decided to do this while you are still able then so be it. But...if you wait...ah...then who will you designate to carry out your wishes. Will they ? When will be the right time ? Tomorrow...OK...what if it is a good day ? See what you are facing. Hubris ...that is what is at work . Thank you Gold for a powerful thread and roselvr for an eye opening article. And the writer, thank you. Here is a link that might be useful: Hubris

mariend, thank you for your quick response. I forwarded your info to my mother last night, but have not heard from her. I'm sure partly because my cousin is with her now, visiting for the weekend. I have already told my mother that if she feels like she simply has to go, to take all of the precautions, but if anything at all happens to her, that we will hold our cousin accountable! (I'm only partly joking.....) The ironic part of it all is that my brother-in-law (sister's husband) is Canadian. His father spends more time here in the South, especially during the winter, because of the frigid temps. I really don't get where my mother is coming from. This whole trip came up very suddenly - it's a group trip that my cousin has had planned for months. One of the women recently backed out, and that is when she asked my mom if she was interested. I pray that it falls through. When it does, maybe we could plan a trip in the summer, if she still insists on going.

Can you visit a couple units to see how others have laid out their places. Less is more in this kind of place. Keep it light and simple. Orient as much as possible furniture to face windows. Living room: --Left wall: Some kind of storage unit for TV and books. Could be freestanding bookcase with shelf for TV. (Photo is just for layout, not style or colors) --Right wall: Sofa with a chaise at the far end for TV watching, reading, looking out the window. --No sofa but two armchairs, one a recliner for TV watching, reading, looking out the window: --Nesting coffee table that she can use when having company. Should be up on legs for airiness. Left corner: --Small round bistro table--tulip table? in corner with a simple upholstered chair that can be pulled out for company aand a drop lamp over it. Make sure all seating is high and supportive for ease of getting in and out of the chair. Get washi tape to block out all pieces to make sure there's plenty of room to move around. Too often older people bring way too much stuff and miss a chance to create a new, airy, open and safe space. Here's a great article on the subject that suggests small scale, apartment size pieces, light colors, and very simple pieces: https://maryswoods.org/blog/decorating-assisted-living-apartment/