I had a couple of holiday surprise guests too--at noon, with the gathering scheduled to start at 2 pm, my son asked if it was ok for his ex-girlfriend to come! They split quite awhile ago (he broke up with her) but I knew they were still reasonably cordial. I'm not sure exactly what the status of their relationship is now but I have always liked that girl so it was nice to see her. And my daughter asked if a close friend could come. Friend is a Jewish vegan so it was a little challenge for me to ensure there was food she could eat. It all worked out and I am so glad I always have a few gift items on hand. Gave ex-girlfriend a Godiva chocolate bar sampler and a nice candle. Daughter's friend got an iTunes gift card and a joke book of the world's worst album covers (she and my daughter are both into the indie rock scene here). They both seemed to have a great time. Son and ex(??) went home to her place together, and my daughter's friend told her afterward 'Christmas is fun-I might have to find a Christian boy to marry!' :). Ann

That is so funny, especially because it reminded me of me, sort of. We were pulling a trailer with a small tractor on it and the tongue broke, shooting sparks, at 4 AM near Little Rock, on the interstate. After working on it for 2 hours in the dark, Woody left me there at dawn to guard it while he found a guy to weld it. There I was, in the tall wet grass, freezing my butt off, standing at the fence line hiding from view, scared to death that someone would stop and try to steal the tractor or that I was going to be attacked by a pack of wild dogs, I could hear them getting closer, yikes. lol This was a long time ago. After he got back and got us all fixed up and ready to go, a state trooper finally stopped. Woody jumped right down that poor guy's throat, "where the he!! were you guys when we needed you?" We had seen at least 4 troopers turning around about 50 yards down the highway, right before they got to us, even though they had to see our flashing blinkers. Poor trooper, he started stuttering all over the place. We were ticked. I was soaked up to my knees in 40 degree weather, my lips were blue, it was about 5 hours since it had happened and we weren't happy. I'm glad your friend didn't have any real troubles, Trin, other than getting busted by a cop. lol

You wrote...The only thing I could think off was how good I felt when I was with him in those little "sneaky" moments we get. Are you sure that's not just a rush of "excitement" rather than "love"? No judgement, I've been there. I was married with a small child, very unhappily married, no sex with my husband in a long time, and he had a co-worker stay with us for two weeks. In my house. And girl, was he the most handsome man ever!!! And, to top it off, I was expected to tour him around and entertain him (he was intern from out of state). There sure was chemistry. It was really hard. But I didn't break my vows, and I'm so glad I didn't. He ended up dating another girl with a husband, getting beat up and leaving the area. Then it ended up the IRS and police were looking for him for check forgery. All this from a nice, good looking, seemingly responsible man. Moral of the story? You can't help who you fall in love with. But you can help what you do about it. I'm now divorced for several years, and have met a man much much much more a "man" than that temptation ever will be. Is this my reward? Think of what yours would be if you stayed in this briar patch. Now get out into the sun and live your life. Best wishes, we all know it's hard. But no one ever said it would be easy.

Wonderful analogy! I am going to clear up the misunderstanding and then I think I'm done with this thread. Poor Missy - thread was highjacked a bit. By me I think. Dd's SM was not TOW -- I don't really know when she met my ex. But what may have made you think she was TOW is that after we were legally divorced ExDH and I kept getting back together, breaking up, getting back together and all the while, he was doing the same with now SM. I don't see her as ruining my marriage because we were already divorced but i blame ExDH for screwing us both around she was just the idiot that decided to stick with a cheater. In my opinion of course. I'm not selfish Jess. I would take a knife to the head before wanting anyone to be mean to my daughter. When I said I would take a mean SM over TOW I meant mean to ME... SM is back and forth with my daughter. Mean. Not mean. Mean. Not mean. But she is consistently 'mean' to me. My statement was about ME. And how I feel. Wow that's selfish but afterall we weren't really talking about the kids we were talking about BM vs. SM. And why BM doesn't like SM. Really has nothing to do with the kids... Has to do with BM is not over the fact that another woman came in to her marriage. My biodad got his girlfriend pregnant when I was almost 2. He was just about to celebrate his 14 year anniversary with my mom when girlfriend called up mom and said ummm I'm due in 3 weeks. My parents were immediately divorced. My dad went on to marry that girlfriend and had two kids with her. They divorced her 8 yrs later and married someone else, a few yrs later met someone else and divorced and remarried the someone else. It's been 30 yrs since this began and you would think that my mom would be thrilled that my dad has been mostly miserable but instead she isn't. You would think that she would be like 'look at me I married a wonderful man and we have had an amazing 27 years and he is the father my children needed' but she isn't. She is still not over the hurt that she felt when she answered the phone one day (14 years and three kids later) and found out that her husband had another life. She will probably never forgive him. Her life was bettered because of it. But the pain and misery she went thru can never be erased. Even though in the end, her life is better. And guess what? My biodad can't understand WHY she hates him so. SM #3 gets so angry wondering why can't she get over it yet?? Why is she still carrying this?? Well I don't think its healthy but none of us have the right to tell her how long she has to recover emotionally.