Oh dear...it's starting

16 years ago

BM has these really irritable mood swings. Thankfully, the last year, with her being on an antidepressant and being sober, she's not had them. She's bickered once or twice with DH but NOTHING the way she used to.

Well--I guess it's probably hormones (baby-related) or the lack of sleep or whatever--but it started.

She texted DH this nasty message last night and said how she really is mad about doing this week by week custody schedule; she said 7 days is "too long for her to not see her baby and too long for her baby to not see his mama." GAG ME. And "no one knows her baby boy better than her."

The sad thing is, SS is really excited about. He told DH a few days ago how it will be so much easier for him to not move around. HE is fine with the long stretches, it's BM who has the issue with it.

UGH. BM doesn't have a choice in the matter, as it's court-mandated in the parenting plan, but still....she can certainly make things much more difficult.

DH is being good (so far) about NOT engaging and not responding--b/c all that does is fuel the fire. Keep your fingers crossed he can remain calm and not engage!

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Comments (5)

mattie_gt
16 years ago
How frustrating. Hopefully it's just related to hormones and/or the lack of sleep and will end soon. Do you think it might not be so much that the lack of seeing "her baby" for a week is too long, or that the having him for a week is too much for her right now?

I know what you mean about DH engaging with BM! My DH has gotten much better about it but it is still too often that he does respond... and usually without thinking it through first. Urgh.

You know, I had read a thing about how you can sign up for anti-drunk emailing! If you tried to send an email during certain times you designated, like midnight - three AM, you had to do basic timed math tests first. And if you failed, you couldn't send emails.

I'm an application developer; maybe I'll write an anti-ex-texting application. No texts over four or five words can be sent to a designated number (the ex) within half an hour of receiving a text from that number. That way emergency communications can still get through (I'm running late... OK) kind of things but none of the "Well, four years ago YOU were the one that made him spaghetti for dinner and you KNEW that I was going to make it the next night!" kind of silliness. :)
silversword
16 years ago
I would buy it Mattie!!! Would it have a cross-over app. for telephones and email?
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finedreams
16 years ago
Could it be she just shared general frustration over not seeing her son? Or she demands that DH changes the arrangement?

If she genuinely misses her son, it would be more appropriate to share it with her mother or her husband and get some empathy. When I miss DD, i don't see much point to share with my ex, what is he going to say "oh poor finedreams"?, LOL it wouldn't be appropriate.

Why is she bugging DH? I hope it is just hormones.
mattie_gt
16 years ago
silversword: I could! I'll make it freeware and ask for a donation to a family law foundation that provides discounted legal work to people who are not eligible for Legal Aid or such because they make too much money but still don't have several hundred dollars that they just had no other use for (as in, most of us!) The question still remains how I'd get it on DH's phone without his noticing... I know! I'll include an app to download sports scores or something and then the guys will never notice. :)

Sorry for going OT, lovehadley!
lovehadley
Original Author
16 years ago
I'd buy it too! LOL.

FD, I think she genuinely misses SS. BM has always parented out of "guilt" and I still think a part of her feels very guilty when he is not with her. Hard to explain, but I can kind of empathize. The problem with BM is that she actually ACTS on these feelings. And like you said, it is not really appropriate for her to talk to DH about her feelings about missing SS; she should talk to her mom or her sister or her husband.

I also think she is apprehensive about this summer because she's got her hands full with a 2 year old and a newborn. I think maybe she is worried about "competing" with us. I know SS is very excited about the summer *with us* because I told the kids we're going to do 1 fun special thing every week (ie--go to a movie, or paint pottery, etc.) and we have pool passes, so we go swimming almost every day. We have lots of fun activities in the summer, from a trip to the circus next week to bbqs with friends to a trip to Table Rock Lake. Already, I've taken the kids swimming twice, we've gone as a family to get snowcones, gone to a BBQ at our friends' house, and had another BBQ with my family over the weekend. Lots of fun and it's only been 6 days of summer so far!

I know BM feels she can't compete with that. And not that she should have to, but again, I can empathize. She's kind of stuck at home given her situation with two under 2, and being broke; and we have a lot more flexibility/time/money to do things with the kids.

I think a part of her worries that SS DOESN'T miss her when he's with us! And actually--I really don't think he does! Likewise, when he is with BM, I don't think he thinks much about his dad or us in general. SS lives in the moment with each family and I really think that is how it should be!