I'm with your husband on this. I don't think it is a big deal either. What will stop this type of behavior is time and maturity. Even though he is intelligent, he is still only FIVE. Even adults have trouble resisting that chocolate chip cookie they know they shouldn't eat. Five year olds have even less self-control. At this age it is almost impossible for them to distinguish what they want from what they "should" do. It makes no difference if he "understood" before he went into his grandmother's house that he wasn't going to stay overnight. What is important to a five year old is what he wants NOW. He may have had no intention of asking to stay overnight before he walked into his grandmother's house.

I wanted to add that it is even harder when they are extremely intelligent, because everyone's expectations are subconsciously higher.

I once heard a discussion of a somewhat related issue in highly intelligent teenagers. The educator who was speaking emphasized that parents and teachers have to keep in mind that although these kids function academically at a very high level (well above that of the average adult), emotionally and behaviorally they are still teenagers, with teenagers' typical impulsiveness, disorganization, and inability to delay gratification.

I sort of agree with theotherside. My SD also does that and she's going on 9. They just have to learn that they aren't going to get their way... my grown kids still try to play that game with me. They are hoping that grandma will guilt you into saying yes or you will be inconsistent and change your mind. I admit when I was a single parent, I was sometimes too inconsistent when I was just too tired to argue and they would keep bugging me. I'd give in and say FINE! Then, I get married and hubby gives me support to stick to my guns and now the kids think it's all DH's fault there are too many rules. No, the same rules, just being more consistent.

I know how frustrating it is when my SD does it. She likes to get my dad alone because he will give her a snack or treat. She'll whisper when there are more people around. I'm going to write on another thread about her problem because it seems to be a food issue but in your case, I would say just keep talking to him and sticking to what you say. Call him on it every time. Tell him in front of Grandma, 'why are you asking to spend the night when we talked about it in the car and you said you understood that you can't spend the night and why. Why are you asking after we said no?' When you make him accountable, it will make him think twice before doing that again because he will probably get embarrassed that he is caught. If you don't say anything but fume about it, he is more likely to keep doing it.

Though I totally understand how frustrating this is, I have to agree with TOS that it's pretty normal. You could have him repeat to you for the whole hour long car ride "I can't stay over" and that would disappear the moment he saw grandma. At that age it is all about the moment. Most things they do are impulsive and without forethought. Time, maturity and consistency are about the only cures . . . and just when they figure it out they hit the teenage years and it starts all over again . . . :-)

I'm guessing part of your frustration stems from having to be the bad guy in front of your MIL. I hate when I'm put in that position, and have tried the same deal with it before you get there theory . . . only to have exactly what happened to you happen to me. Just be happy your MIL didn't pout along with SS as mine has been known to do!

Thanks for your comments. I do know part of it is the age. I just hate being the "bad guy". My mother-in-law did say "just let him stay, not a big deal-we will work out getting him home later". Then I had to stand up to her, which makes me uncomfortable. I had to tell her that I knew dh would not want to make the drive this weekend and that I had other things going on.

I have been put in this situation by ss and mil before. A while back his asthma had been bothering him. Her house seems to irritate his asthma more when he is there for more than 24 hours. Not sure why. Anyways, me and the kids went to brunch with her one day when they had a Friday off school. MIL asked kids if they wanted to sleepover. I told her ss's asthma was bothering him and I thought it was best if he stayed there another night. Then ss started crying he wanted to stay. Them mil told me he would be fine he was just going home with her. Problem is my mil is not a big person on medicine. So she will try home remedies instead of giving him his breathing treatment. Home remedies are fine for some things, but I do not like them for breathing. I tried to tell her again it would be best for me to take him home. As he cried she said "I am taking him home with me". I gave up.

Later that night she called me and dh to say ss was having breathing problems and she thought we should pick him up! I was mad and told my dh that I tried to bring ss home, but mil wanted him to stay. So my dh had to go get him. MIL backed off a lot since that day when we tell her no. But I still hate being the "bad guy".

And what made me mad was ss brought up sleeping over there and then I gave him the look. He saw it and got teary eyed. He knew exactly what he was doing moments later when he asked grandma.

I do agree with IMA, next time I will just call him out on it in front of her instead of doing it in the car. My dh and I would call him out in front of eachother at home. I just feel so wierd about disciplining the kids in front of grandma. They were with her so much before my dh and I married.

I'm with Ima too. Sure it's normal, but it's normal misbehavior that needs to be corrected. Not harshly - but firmly and consistently. And calling him on it in front of Grandma is perfectly reasonable, and probably very effective. Surely Grandma also knows how typical this particular little trick is, and won't think you're the 'bad guy' for not falling from it.

And if Grandma insists and tries to find ways to make it work, I'd simply say that she's got a point, and that it probably could have been made to work out if Kiddo hadn't disobeyed your explicit instructions. But since he disobeyed, you can't give in and reward his poor behavior. Maybe next time he'll remember...