I agree that of course she needs a room for the baby, but why not talk to SD13 and SD11 first? That has never hurt anyone. And yes, BM is mentally unstable. We suspect she's got Borderline Personality Disorder, but since she hasn't been diagnosed that is only a guess (she has 8 of the 9 symptoms). BPD is based on the fear of abandonment. People suffering from this disorder do seem to dangle loved ones back and forth like a jo-jo, that's a good description. As for the BF: you guys might be right. SD13 mentioned that BM wants to stay in a relationship with BF (while living apart) so he doesn't do the same to her as FDH has done. This is one thing that always comes back. Everybody does everything to BM, BM never ever takes responsibility for anything herself, she ALWAYS blames other people. And SD11 is pretty good at copying that behavior, but that's a different story. A good example of blaming others, and this one is out there, is for example the reason why the baby is still in BM's bed at 15 months old. She blames her friends who always demand they go over to their place and then they have to stay till 1 o'clock in the morning. So that is why the baby did not get in a routine, all because of her friends. ??????????????? We've already been informed that the new baby will get in a routine because when it's born they're not going over to those friends anymore. The mind boggles..

Ok thanks Po1 I was sooooo confused! Lol As far as the tax, it is a federal offense, look it up. If they are doing it, you don't have to go back to court, you contact the IRS. Period. Momof3 I believe you have said you are in NJ so please correct me if I am wrong. BUT on their website www.njchildsupport.org it specifically states, child support is calculated by both parents NET income combined. AND it also specifically states that other children in the paying parents household are considered into the percentage because she has to be able to provide for her other biological children. So there you go. $56 is fair for her income and the # of children she has based on her salary AND your husband's salary. NET is after all withholdings are taken out. Taxes, insurance, life insurance, etc. I understand your frustration BUT some of your anger is misguided at BM. Be made at the state of New Jersey for calculating your husband's income. And as far as the health insurance goes, neither BM nor BD provide health insurance for the child. Unfortunately what you are doing is not recognized by NJ. It states stepparent/grandparent income, contributions or their other bio children do not count in this equation. It is soley mom and dad period. So the person you should be mad at is the state not BM. You are giving her a free ride of health insurance and according to that website, you will not be reimbursed. I am so sorry that you deal with such a wonderful (sarcasm) mother. I am sorry that you have to pick up the pieces. But you are putting too much on your back for the role you have. God bless you honey. :)

I guess I'm still not explaining the situation quite right... We would definitely never purposely schedule something on BM's weekends. I do completely understand that BM has limited time with SD. However, for example... SD is involved in volleyball. This is a 3 month activity. It just happened that 1 game fell on BM's weekend. BM threw a fit and went on an on about not "scheduling" things on her weekend (???? how did WE schedule it on HER weekend???). She refused to come to WI for the visit that 1 weekend, watch the game for an hour, and then have SD for the rest of the weekend. She was notified about this 1 month in advance, so plenty of time to plan ahead. SD is part of a team, and therefore is expected to be at all of the games. We had to explain the situation to the coach, who was luckily understanding and allowed her to miss the game. Other instances include things like daughter being in 4H. This is a year-long activity. The county fair is when a child gets recognition for programs, projects, and animals they have been working with all year. BM has an absolute fit every year because the fair tends to fall on her weekend.... again, stating DH cannot schedule things on HER weekend???? These are things that are ongoing and that we have no control over. SD is in band; every year there is a solo and ensembles competition... sometimes it falls on BM's weekend. This would be something that SD has worked on for 6 months!!!! These are just a few examples of the kinds of things that we cannot control the scheduling of, SD has worked on for months and months.... and it just happens that they might fall on BM's weekend here and there. Instead of being proud of SD and finding this as an opportunity to use to see SD accomplishments and be there for some of these events, she makes a big deal out of it, and even made SD miss her volleyball game because she would not switch the weekend OR come to watch the game and then take SD afterwards. It is just frustrating because I also have an X, although he is very willing to work around kids' schedules. To him, it doesn't matter when they come, just that they come... As he says, it is the same amount of time either way. We have tried to explain this to BM, but she just doesn't get it. Why must it be so difficult to allow your children to be involved in good, wholesome activities as teenagers? No one has ever asked BM to GIVE UP any of her time, just occasionally rearrange it or even come and watch and participate in SD's activities, in fact has been invited to come for a visit on DH's weekend, just to include her in SD's activities. I really believe it comes down to an issue of power.... She believes that she must have all control over everything that happens on HER weekends, no matter what!

That was written to be rhetorical. Obviously nobody gets married expecting to get divorced. You would have stayed with a cheater? Nobody wants their child to go through a custody battle or having to grow up in two homes. It's not what we dreamed of as little girls. But in reality, we have to make the best of our situation that we are in. I don't know what kind of work you do, but as long as you are able bodied and not relying on a fixed amount check (like social security or disability), then there ARE options, like changing the kind of work you do, where you can make more, etc. I had my first child at 17 and went back to get my HS diploma when I was 19 (and 9 months pregnant with my 2nd child at graduation) i had my 3rd child at 21 and by 22 I was left alone to raise my kids. I rode the transit bus to the community college to attend classes & walked with the stroller to get groceries. I also worked minimum wage jobs and got rides or walked until I finally saved up enough to buy a clunker. When I was 23 or 24, I got together with a guy that had custody of his 3 kids. I worked at Target (for just over minimum wage) while I went to school. He was a police officer that worked graveyard shift so I got the kids up and off to school, then I went to school, then to work. He was home when they got home from school & he would feed them dinner. I got home and put them to bed while he got ready for work and left. Eventually I got a job with the Department of Social Services and continued college. Our relationship fell apart when I was 29 and found out he had no intention of marrying me and I had raised his kids for almost 7 years(their mom was MIA). The hardest part of leaving was worrying I wouldn't survive financially. I never received any child support for my kids. I worked full time (4 -10 hour days) and that gave me a 3 day weekend, so I worked a part time then. Almost four years ago, I resigned & cashed out my retirement account. I used it to start my own company and I've been doing that for three years now. It's been very tough, I've only been married for a year. When I met him almost three years ago, he made more than twice what I did. He still makes about the same as he did then & I am now making more than him. If I had stayed in my old job with vacation/sick days and insurance/retirement benefits, I would be making about a third what I make now. So, I don't believe ANYONE that works has a "fixed" income. (and I am running my company, caring for my step mom and my 8 year old step daughter full time too)