I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is similiar to mine except that the aunt my dad is going after is not the aunt that lived with my grandmother. What happened is that the youngest daughter (my aunt) moved in with my grandparents and they took care of her about ten years ago when she was going thru a divorce. SHe never moved out because she noticed they shouldn't be driving anymore and she took over the responsibilities of taking them to the dr. grocery shopping etc. She didn't have to pay any bills in exchange for living there and helping them. My grandma developed Alzheimers and my aunt was her primary caregiver for many years. Last year my grandfather died and my grandmother steadily grew worse. She had to have 24 hour aides come to the house to watch her. My aunt is a teacher and has a full time job so she would only stay with my grandmother at night. Then my grandmother started having episdoes where she would be awake the entire night and sleep during the day so they had to hire an aide to stay up and watch her at night while my aunt slept. In May my grandmother was hospitalized with complications from a bed sore. My other aunt (the oldest child) who lives about 13 hours away came to stay with my grandmother for three months. My grandmother recently passed away and my dad (the middle child) who lives 2 hours away and only saw my grandmother about five times in the last year, found out that my aunt (the one who doesnt' live here) was moving money from my grandmother's account into a private account she created in her name only. Also my dad found out htat my aunt had been paying my other aunt who lived with my grandma rent free- $8 hr for any time that she spent with my grandmother without the aides there. I have no idea why my aunt did either, as my aunt who was living there was doing so rent free and my grandmother's money was paying all of the bills for the household. Also both of my aunts are comfortable as far as finances so there is no need to take money. I understand why my dad is upset- he is co executor along with my aunt who was taking the money. My aunt did put the money back that my dad had proof of her taking but I guess there are many other checks for large sums of money written on my grandmother's account to cash while she was still alive that my dad can't account for as the house was paid off (paid cash for), and my grandmother didn't own a vehicle so the only bills were the utilities, groceries and the nurse's aides. My grandmother was covered by my grandfather's insurance and pension and she had her own ss check. So there is no reason for the massive withdrawals from the bank. I think my dad is more fighting for the principal of the matter and not so much the money. He was very close to his mother before she was afflicted with alzheimers and I think he takes it personally that his sister or sisters may have taken advantage of her. But again I undestand my aunts' frustrations of having to care for my grandmother and my dad NEVER being around not even for christmas once my grandfather died last year. I know that both my aunts resent my dad for that. I know that my dad resents my aunts for feeling they are more entitled to the money than he is. He also claims they have been selling valuables behind his back and keeping the money (I can't verify this but I do know that shortly before my grandmotehr died my aunts held a yard sale and also cleaned out one of the houses and didn't tell anyone. I dont' want this to turn into some huge family feud. I can't talk to my dad becuase he will feel I am taking my aunt's side and I dont' want to take sides. I want them to stop this nonsense because my grandmother wouldn't want her family in shambles and I want to have a relationship with both my dad and my aunts.

illy, It is easy to overlook some things when we want to be with someone. Your boyfriend was not ready and is still not ready to make a promise to you. Life is too precious to make a serious decision and then "hope" life will turn out good. You are already unhappy. No, No, No Walk away and don't look back. Best to you.

Any advice on how to deal with resentment to husband caused by MIL? This post really resonated with me, although my MIL is a good, kind woman and it sounds like your MIL isn't. As nice as my MIL is, we still have an uneasy relationship. You and your MIL have very different expectations about what your relationship with one another should/will be. She has made it clear she doesn't want the kind of loving family relationship you want. You cannot change that. It doesn't matter how nice you are, how many texts or pictures of the kids you send or anything else you do, you cannot make her like you, love you or want to be around you. Accept that. Your husband can't change that, either. There is absolutely nothing he can say or do to make her love you, like you, or want to be around you. Accept that, too. If your family is abroad and you would like to embrace your husband's family as your own, that is not going to happen. Not because of you, but because they are not that kind of family. They aren't going to help you, call you, keep in touch with you, and your husband cannot make them. Accept that. Develop other close family-like friendships so you will have a network of support, but don't look for a support network from your husband's family. There are probably other people in your area who have no family or a dysfunctional family and would love to have close family-like ties with friends. Stop worrying about what she wants the kids to call her and whether or not she tries to manipulate the kids by sending gifts. Let her send all the gifts she wants. Kids love their moms. Stop worrying about what your MIL tells the rest of the family about you. Your MIL sounds creepy, selfish and mean and the rest of the family probably knows how she is. If she's been that way toward you, she's been that way toward other people, too. Stop making little digging comments to your husband about your MIL. If he comes home and tells you she said hi, just let it roll off your back. That doesn't mean you should never discuss your feelings or concerns with him, just don't make a lot of little digging comments. Save your discussion for when it really matters, then sit down sometime when you aren't angry and have a calm discussion. She is your husband's mom. He loves her very much, regardless of her faults. Trying to get him to include you in their phone calls, emails and texts is a losing battle, I think. If you keep insisting, what you will probably accomplish is that he will talk to her just the two of them anyway and he will stop mentioning it to you. She sounds like a mean and unpleasant person, so really, this works out great for you to not even have to talk to her. This problem is between you, your husband, and your MIL. Don't drag the kids into it, don't encourage them to ignore your MIL or treat her badly. In time your children will notice things for themselves. It sounds like they won't see her often, anyway, and it sounds like she's not really a kid person, anyway. Counseling would help you sort out what expectations are reasonable and what aren't. Having said all that, my husband would never in a million years scream at me, shake me or call me names. Please get some counseling so you can get some perspective on this. Your family is abroad, you sound isolated, make sure you build some ties with friends in the area. Keep your job skills current and make sure you have all the tools you need to become independent if you want to or need to do that. Best of everything to you and your little family.

I loathe landscape cloth (still pulling out some that the previous owners installed in places -- after 20+ years of living here!) so will not use it. Don't know why I mentioned it in the OP... Ken -- I reluctantly realize that those roots will likely keep on being a problem in the future. Not going to be MY problem, however, as I am no spring chicken any longer and I think I won't be here to have to deal, lol. Either I will have shuffled off this mortal coil, or my kids will have shuffled me out of this house and into a "home" of some sort. Gah. The tree in question is more than 25 feet from the house, and I will not get rid of it. Love it! If I raise the grade over these roots, I will be able to trundle my garden cart and walk more safely, and that is all I want for the time being. I'm leaning towards applying bark mulch as a pathway, since grass has ceased to grow under there. I'd simply increase the garden, for more hosta!!, except that I do need a path for accessing the rest of my "estate". Thanks for your comments!