Stepmother of ADHD child

20 years ago

I had two children, he had one before we were married. We now have one together. I knew his son had ADHD before we were married but I didn't understand how bad until we moved in with each other. I'm sorry to say this but I can't stand him! He doesn't listen, he gets into trouble at school, lies all the time and he is very sneaky. If something doesn't happen soon I fear my husband and I won't be married long. My husband also compares my four year old to his son, whom is eight. I can't stand it anymore!

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Comments (6)

louisedawn
20 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Dear mandi4, So sorry to hear of your situation. It is too bad you did not know about the severity of your ss ADHD. However, that is past tense. I work with children that have this diagnoses and they are challenging even for bio-parents who have a strong marriage. It takes alot of patients, strength, and understanding to deal with these children. It helps to have a strong bond and good communication with your spouse. You may need to seek out some professional help to assist your family in getting through this difficult transition period. Talk it over with your husband. best of luck,
ceexcee1
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Cant take any more
My stepson came to live with my husband and I last week he is 8yrs old his mother says she can not handle him any more I donÂt want to say he is bad but he is in trouble all the time at home at school any were he goes the kids donÂt want to play with him. Last weekend at a party (I have two boys from another man 12 & 13) he spit in both of my childrenÂs faces so my son spit on him and hit him I know it was not right for my son to hit or spit on him but he did spit on both of my boys. All my husband says oh heÂs just a boy their is always a reason for this kids behavior. He has been enrolled at a new school for 5days now the teacher has called us 2 xÂs removed him from the class. Last night he was throwing pool balls around because he was mad. The kid has been kicked out of after school programs for hitting, kicking, pushing other students and lying. They did not let him eat, play or sit with the other kids in class. I am really trying to be their but my husband feels his son can hit my kids and mine are not to put a hand on him because of the age group. So to avoid any problems I tell my kids not to play with him no kids in the neighborhood want to play with him. His father makes the kids play with him. I see him as being a very angry child. My husband blames his mother for how he acts. The boy is smart he plays his father against his mother. He tells his dad he hates his mom she does not love him she is lazy, she is mean and he allows him to talk about her that way. He can not go one day without getting into trouble hitting, kicking, pushing, and lying about anything small or big. My husband does not want to admit their is a problem with him. I think he feels if something is wrong he is a bad parent. How can I get him to get help before it breaks us up or this kid ends up really hurting someone or himself? Our house has turned into a battle field every night their is a 2-3 hour discussion over what he did wrong and my kids are being left out. I have to sit in or he will play his dad and get out of trouble by saying oh I'm just bad I canÂt do anything right and his dad feels bad so it goes from discipline to holding laughing playing. And poor me.. Someone please help... well things have not changed they only have gotten worse Nov. 13th he attacked 7 children on the school play ground and one school yard supervisor now he has only been in school 1wk also he was screaming at the princeable and his father in the middle of the office. My husband did nothing no punishment at allÂ. He was kicked out of the after school program again. Now he has been in school 4wks and on Nov. 22nd he attacked another student put this little boy in a head lock. Also again attacked the after school playground supervisor. It was so bad they could not control him they called the police and put him in hand cuffs and a crises counselor speak with him. And his father takes him to get a hair cut buys him some new clothing he went out to eat that night was sitting in his bead watching TV that night the next morning. Top it all off his dad allowed him to go to Mexico for the long weekend. He was suspended from school. But at home he can do no wrong. Remember this boy is only 8 yrs old and he is just an evil little kid. At first he would say oh their making fun of me he has openly told his father I just do it because I want to. At times I want my boys to beat the crap out of him just so he can see how it feels. Now that this kid lives with us his mother is still recieving child support every month she calls at least 7-8 xs a day.All of a sudden she cares she never told my husband anything. One wkend she was suppose to pick him up on Friday and keep him till monday and drop him off at shcool she comes on Saturday at about 6:00 pm to pick him up on Sunday we are watching T.V. and at about 11:30 she is at the door I cant handle him he is acting up you need to spank him. She drove a 20-30 min drive to bring to the house so my husband could disapline him I looked at my husband and said HELL no she is not going to just pop up here any time she feels like it. I see her more now that this kid lives with us then the whole 4 yrs we dated in the past 5wks this lady has been at my front door at least 15 times. has been on my phone I cant even count how many xs.
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Thank you for your responses. Emma, I can't help but remember that the home my grandparents built in probably the 1930's was sold for the sake of his new wife. But, I in no way harp on the fact of the home it's way in the past. I just brought it up in the post as part of the things that have gone on since he met his wife. It probably bothers me more that she has many of my grandmothers belongings displayed throughout her house & never has bothered to ask me if I would like anything that belonged to my family! The room that she once made her mothers room (she has since passed away) consisted of an antique wood bedroom set that belonged to my father & his brother as children. Justmetoo, I have always given her respect for her continued care of my dad. It's probably one of the main reasons for never disrespecting her besides keeping peace & being able to see my dad. If I had fought with her all these years I would have never been able to build any memories for my daughter. My daughter told me recently that the times I sent her for a few days to stay with my dad when she was younger,he would take her home with him to give me a break i worked full time & was a single mom. his wife would treat her like she was a grow up instead of a little girl. They took her to a water park & told her (at 8 years old) that she didnt need sunblock she was too pale n needed some color! My daughter is an auburn-redhead! very fair skinned. The kids here get summer reading & his wife told my daughter that she always winds up with all the cr*p no one wants to do because she had to write a summary of the books & I would send her with her book to read & if she finished it she would have to write the report. My son is only 3 & will more then likely never know him or remember anything about him. He has only seen him maybe 5 or 6 times since he has been born. I think my dad forgets he exists at times. We call his forgetfulness Chemo-brain as a jest but since the cancer he has never been the same. Aside from his body slowly giving way he is constantly depressed. I spoke to him yesterday a quick call to see how he was doing. I told him I'm just calling to see how you're feeling cause I don't want you talking too much. I would love to go see him next week for Father's Day but I know my daughter will look to see her dad & it's her grandmothers bday as well. I hate to go see him without her so I guess I will make another day to celebrate with him. I'm sure his stepson will be there & it's hard for me to be in the house with his wife. Last time I saw him I drove up & took him to lunch with my kids & drove home again. It was a nice afternoon, just wish I had more time with him. Your right, I would walk over hot coals to be there for him & will continue to do so as much as I can. I'm lucky I still have a tongue I've bitten it or years! Lol. My baby's blood disorder makes it very difficult to go anywhere without fear of him getting sick, he's like the boy in the plastic bubble just not as severe. I know my dad doesn't have many years left & I hope I can hang on to our relationship that i thought was once an unbreakable bond. Thanks again for listening & letting me vent. I don't confide in people or go on like this to anyone I feel it may annoy them & I speak to my daughter as much as I can but don't really get into things that will upset her. She is on to college in sept & need her to focus on getting her career together. The last thing I need is her being more upset then she already is at everything that goes on.
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brass_tacks
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
ceexcell,
Angry kids are hurting kids. I would suggest this boy be home-schooled and receive counseling. You and your husband need counseling right away. I am going to assume that you reward his good behavier. Your boys need to know that their younger 'brother' needs to experience much kindness. It should be a family project to be kind and thoughtful to this boy. He needs a great deal of affection. His bedtime should include lots of time with his dad--especially. Listen to whatever he wants to say. Give him a little pep talk, and tell him how glad you are to have him with you. Be glad you have this wonderful opportunity to make a huge difference in his/someone's life. You are a very important person...don't forget it. Before he goes anywhere, talk to him. Let him know what he can expect.
I simply encourage you.
theotherside
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
There is no such thing as an evil 8 year old. I agree with brass_tacks on most of her points. Homeschooling is not a task for the faint of heart - it takes a great deal of commitment and although very rewarding, is not easy even with typical children. I think the boy needs to spend a lot of time with someone, perhaps his father, who loves him unconditionally, and will not respond with anger or aggression no matter what the child does.

mandi4,

It is not really unrealistic for your husband to compare an 8 year old with ADHD to a typical child of 4. In terms of impulse control and ability to plan and predict the consequences of their actions, they are very similar.
brass_tacks
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
ceexceel,
Yes, Theotherside is correct about the home-schooling.

I take it that if the boy is in an after school kind of program, that it means that you are not home at that time? So the changes that this young boy has been experiencing--do you think about those changes? It might give you reason to take a pause and think about what he could be going through--yet not be very good at verbalizing. It does sound like he has been acting out and is very needy.
sandstone
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I myself have ADHD and let me tell you there are wonderful things that can be done to control it. For one did you know that all of the preservatives and artificial things in foods can make it worse? Yellow #5 is one the worst... and it is found in many things... If I were you I would do some research on the disease so you can learn coping methods to deal with your SS. On a positive many ADHD children are above averadge and just can't contain themselves. Educate yourself before it is to late. You could be a very valuble asset to your SS.

Stepmother of ADHD child

Comments (6)

louisedawn

ceexcee1

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