Been there, done that and felt that. I feel your ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

are they over each other? because that's how we talked to each other with X when we were first divorced. weren't completely over each other. arguing and getting upset like all the time first year after beign divorced. that's how people talk when they still have feelings, even if is anger. anger is also feeling...

finedreams is right. They sound like they are both engaging in this. Anger is a feeling that substitutes other feelings that are harder to deal with. But, like she says, they are still feelings.

I heard somewhere, that anger/hate is derived from loving or caring about someone. You can't hate someone you don't care about because if you didn't care about them, you wouldn't waste your time and energy hating them.

i am not sure if they hate each other because it was previously mentioned that keepitmovin's future DH spent time with his X and din't tell his fiancee and then X sent pretty loving textmessage ("it reminds me how great you are"...-sounds pretty intimate). and now X moves closer by...Unless i confuse them with someone else...

I would address it with the fiancee prior to getting married, I would be afraid to marry someone on rebound. and time frame makes no difference. I and X were thinking of getting back together like almost 3 years after divorce and we thought that we moved on....

Oh god! have been there tons of times. I told off my DH at one point. I lost patience and said to him that there will be no more fights on the phone with BM. You want to scrap it out, scrap it out at your phone at work! THis is our space, our time , our home, my ears my patience and i'm not at peace with this under our roof. Cause you get pissy when you get off the phone and then you dont eat supper, after i've cooked it!, because she pist in your bowl.
So i did things like, shut the phone off from after 5pm for a whole month until both of them got the idea.
Biomom got Sd involved and said what if there is an emergency. I said the phone messages are still on. I check them constantly and until your mother stops calling for a fight i will continue to shut the phone off. Your fahter and mother want to fight , they can fight on another phone that i do not pay for!
This problem was fixed after that. They have not fought on the phone for over 3 years now and i'm happy! I think the ex wife is too.
Sit down with your DH after he cools off and tell him, no more fights on the phone period. Does he have a cell? if he does, then he can fight on that phone out of th ehouse!!! You do not need to hear their cr*p! its bad enough you have to deal with his moods after.
I also delt with My DH's moods too. I just walked out and lefthim alone in his misery. I told him he was doing it to himself and as long as it continues i will not support him.

My BF and his ex don't scrap that much, but the one time that they did have a big scrap, I just went out on my own when he was snarky to me afterwards.
There have been many times that he's been frustrated after talking to her, and that I can usually deal with most of the time... It took a long time for me to figure out what works, but my system is to quietly put on a pot of coffee, keep my mouth shut until it's done brewing (that seems to give him enough cool off time), then just bring him a cup and he says "Argh, BM was being selfish and stupid! She wants me to _______" and then it's done.

Would something like that work for the smaller scraps? Keep quiet for a few minutes until he winds down and then let him spill it until he's feeling better? Your FDH might be different then my BF, but he prefers to talk to me about problems on his OWN schedule, not with me pushing it.

BF used to be upset every time his X called because it was always her screaming or calling him names. Once she called and yelled because he was supposed to pay college tuition (BM does not help the kids and yet makes sure that he pays everything on time) and she thought he is late with a payment, so she yelled and screamed. Once he was supposed to call her over some kids arrangement and he called a half an hour late (was stuck in traffic), she screamed and yelled and called him names that he ruined her day making her wait. he told her to never call him again and they never talk to each other anymore. it's been at least 6 months since she called last time. it is much more peaceful now. i certainly enjoy it. the funny thing is that she is the one who left for TOM not him and yet she is the one who yells and screams.

"the funny thing is that she is the one who left for TOM not him and yet she is the one who yells and screams."

I think Men and Women cheat for different reasons. Men, I think, is more a physical thing, not always but usually. Women, I think is more emotional thing or to get her husband's attention when she feels ignored or retaliate when she feels he has hurt her. She probably cheated to retaliate or hurt him for something he did in their relationship. IF that's why she did it, then it explains why she is still the one that yells and screams at him. She is angry that things don't go her way and doesn't deal with it the way a normal person does. (ie. if she was angry at him in their relationship, she would have talked to him about it instead of cheating on him)

BF does not deny that he did certain things wrong in the marriage (let's say, critisized her, didn't always listened to her etc). possibly her earlier quick affairs, that she confessed, were because of retaliation but she left for TOM, lives with TOM, have moved in with him as soon as she moved out of a family home, so i would assume she should be happy by now. she also yells and DDs or rather sends angry emails or leaves angry voice messages over minor issues. she is angry at him, I understand, but what are DDs to do with it?>