My DH just had a surprise party for me - the big 4-0 and it was a blast! Had friends there that I hadn't seen in several years. What a weepy event that was! He got me out of the house on a ruse, and when I returned about three hours later, everyone was here. They parked around the corner so I didn't see their cars. Some of the friends contributed snack type foods (dips, salads, etc.) and DH grilled burgers and hot dogs for everyone. There were probably about 30 people here. We shot pool, listened to music, sang karaoke, etc. My best friend video taped and DH took lots of pictures. Everyone had fun. Made turning 40 a lot easier :) This was payback for the surprise party I threw him when HE turned 40.

Hey Aka Raeanne, just wanted to follow up and tell you the party was GREAT! WE did your pin the tail on the hound dog, the Take your photo w/Elvis (found a life-size Elvis at the record store), the sunglasses and the pb and banana sandwihes. It was GREAT! Thank you so much for all your great ideas. P.s. The invites said, "Hey "Hound Dog", we would be all "Shook up" if you couldn't come to our party, etc. etc. with all ELvis hits in the wording... :)

Get a caterer! That is a LOT of people to cook for. You can do a few things yourself and ask the caterer to serve if you ask nicely. If a caterer isn't in the budget, at least order prepared food or platters to serve. Cooking for 80 at a hall is just too much. Hard to say what kind of food. I would pick what your mom loves best -- keeping in mind what your guests will enjoy, too. If she's a baseball fan, for example, have hot dogs and peanuts and beer. If she loves travel, have exotic choices. But I think really your best bet is to give the caterer a budget and let him/her suggest things. That always works for me. For decorations, flowers always say "special occasion," but they can be expensive. You can make copies of photos of her at different stages of life and put them in inexpensive lucite frames of different sizes (you may even be able to ask the store if you can return them if you keep them in perfect shape) and put a few on each table for centerpieces, perhaps with a single flower or candle. We did that for my mother's 70th and it worked nicely. Potted flowering plants with a ribbon around the pot are also nice and inexpensive centerpieces (and a lot less work). You can give them as thank you gifts to people who help you with the party. You are so nice to do this for your mother! Good for you. I am sure she will be thrilled.

I must agree with Sylvia here. There are certain occasions where a gift is expected, and if you don't inform attendees, then THEY will follow the etiquette rules of yore and bring a gift. A "tactless" comment on the invitation publicly informing others that this isn't a gift giving event can save everyone a lot of headache. Showers and kids birthday parties fall squarely into the realm of gift expected. If the hosts/guest of honor truly do not want gifts, I see nothing wrong with stating it on the invitation. I did exactly that for my "meet the baby" parties I threw for my younger 3. I didn't want or need any items but I was worried others would look at my party as a "shower" of sorts and I might be judged negatively for 1. having a shower or "gift grab" when it wasn't necessary and 2. having the audacity to host it myself. I worded my invitations to specifically state that gifts weren't wanted. My 3rd was actually born on Memorial day and the invitations said, "we had a memorable memorial day, come meet her!! The only presents we want is your presence." I was very proud of my friends daughter a few years ago. We had a rash of wildfires and several homes were burned. Her daughter was turning 8 and told her mom, "I don't need anything, can people just give my presents to the people who lost their houses?". So mom spread the word and asked that anyone wanting to give a gift, to please make a donation to the local fund set up to assist those who lost everything. It made the local news and both mom and daughter were embarrassed by it as they weren't trying to seek attention, they were just trying to do good. No one was guilted into donating because of this little girls selfless request. If I recall correctly it was less than 200 that was donated. This child just wanted those less fortunate to benefit and I say we should encourage that behavior! Too many kids and parents these days look to holidays as a gift grab, when I see an example of selflessness and generosity, it warms the cockles of my heart, regardless of how tactless it is according to the ancient etiquette rules.