I agree, she's a teen and she'll do it on purpose for a rise, The best thing is to ignore when she does these littel traps. Walk away and focus on the other 3. She'll also pit the other 3 kids against dad...just give them more attention when she gets into her emotional trips. Its hormone age, its testing their limits. .....and i'm sure underneath it all she is pist off her biomom is what she is. My stepdaugther has been trying this. But thank GOD my dh sees the games and sets her straight. He calls her on it immediately! He's told her in the last few months he will not tolerate games and using other people to get her way. TIs manipulative and he wont give into her if she uses underhanded tactics. So the last time she came she was very respectable. BUt its up and down wiht teens. And its normal for them to be that way. I went through it. I was not a joy for my father and my sm has the patience of a saint. So just hang in there....when she tries to start fights, call on it , head on! Tell her ...no, no...you want a fight, fight with yourself, i will not be bothered to waste my time. and walk away.

The weekend wasn't as horrible as I thought it would have been... To reply first to the comment about a mental disorder for the child... I do not claim to have any psychological degree however I am too leaning more towards that as a possibility... I think she has ADHD, many people have actually asked me that when they meet her and spend time with her which it also runs in the family... But as the story goes, she is not mine and I have zero say so that is left for Dad and Mom to figure out. This past weekend went less hectic than I thought it would be. Dad took her out for the majority of sunday, and saturday we had an engagement party while she went to her cousins birthday.... She still has trouble listening to me and having dad around disciplining her has been working oddly enough. He actually listened to my wishes and was enforcing rules all weekend and she responded very well... But I will be taking more time for myself and for my family and friends in the future when he has her. After all she is there to see him. To answer your question ...which sounds bad but .. I believe that he sometimes is at a loss for what to do as the parent. He lived at home with his mother for some time and conveniently Nana did most of the work regarding his daughter or he took her out places etc which takes the pressure and focus off of him having to think and have full responsibility for keeping her in line. Not to be mistaken with it being bad he has her out, i think its great. I am just saying it's a change to have to actually teach her life skills and make a schedule that is healthy for her. And men of course will try to give you all the work they would rather not do... Also his mother (my mother in law to be) texted me saying that when she was dropping his daughter off she told her Nana how much she loves me because I take such good care of her, and always give her a lot of love, and cook for her. She says she told her Bio mom this as well.. That made me feel good for the sacrificing I do (as we all know we always sacrifice for the kids sake)... I'm glad at 7 she actually notices the things I do, and I hope our relationship turns out to be one that works for us... whether conventional and traditional or not... I do want what is best for her, its SO hard to watch her life unfold because I can see all the things she has to go through and I know what it is like for a young girl. Dad will be keeping the guidelines or the rules of the house in order. And as much as we can keep her on a good schedule because she seems to actually like that. Her life at moms is very 'all over the place' for lack of a better saying.... Dad asked bio mom if he paid for an extra-curricular activity if she would take the daughter to it and bio mom flat out said nope... This made me very sad for the little one especially for her future. Anyway I am staying positive and continuing my 'step mom' position of overlooking everything and having absolutely no say over it lol! feels like we are ghosts sometimes although we wish we could help right? And I do agree sometimes they need discipline... Moreso structure and guidelines I think thats a parent's huge job to getting the child ready for their life in the big world =)...Of course we also has lots of fun.. I bought all the stuff to make cupcakes and she helped me make them sunday to send to dads work for all the guys.. Good turn out! She had a lot of fun and even wore an apron haha! good pictures we took...

Hi Kasey and ChloeMichelle. I'm glad you both wrote in. It helps to hear others thoughts. I have a 'grown' stepdaughter as well. She's 25 and has a 7 yr old son and a 19 month old daughter by 2 dif. dads. She's not married but living with the father of the 2nd child. The 1st child's father beat her and she never filed a report so she doesn't want to fight for child support b/c he might want to get custody and she doesn't want to chance that. She's just like her mother - - - very rude, abrupt, unfriendly, hateful, etc. The guy she's with now is totally supporting her and both kids. she stays home. She's tried school about 4 dif. times now and has decided not to go back this year. As far as I hear from my grandson, she doesn't cook much, I know she doesn't clean much. If this guy dumps her she has no way to support both kids on her own. My grandson has come to visit and told us he knows what 'the weed' is, that he can smoke when he's an adult. His mother even told us she took him to get his hair cut in a mohawk (he wanted one b/c his uncle's got one) and he 'chickened out'. A mohawk on a 7 hr old - yep, that'll get him in the right group of friends. :( I'm with Chloemichelle - what do I think I can do about it? Not a thing. I'm with you Kasey on the fact that it is as frustrating as anything I've ever dealt with before. I didn't have kids of my own. I want so much to have a positive effect on the grandkids AND the stepkids (I also have a 21 yr old stepson that has caused some issues but not near as many as the 25 yr old!). I keep telling myself to be here for the grandkids and show them a different side and then hope and pray that they turn out differently. I can't keep my husband from spending time with the kids but it is so unpleasant sometimes b/c they don't really talk to me or act like I'm not there. I put up with it b/c I want to spend time with the grandkids. I've been married to him for 10 yrs so I'm somewhere in the middle of where it sounds like you guys are. I don't THINK I have the drug issue to deal with and am very thankful. Keep your chin up and be as positive an influence as is possible for your grandkids. We're the ones that maybe can make all the difference.

The above posts are kind of insensitive and not very helpful to destini181...I really think that people come on here and post when we are very upset and have no one else we can talk to or get unbias opinions from and I think people should be a bit more understanding of the position posters are in...I know myself I have been scared to post and have received some comments which are a bit rude and not understanding... I am new here as well but I do A LOT of reading from posts even from years ago... Mkroopy's advice is good to just ignore the behavior... If your husband's daughter doesn't like you... which she is making very clear, she may not be over the divorce of her mother and father... And obviously does not have any respect for her father's decison to marry you... Either way, shes 24 so she will continue to have this view about you most likely.. and when she is ready.. (ie if you two last a long time) she has to come around. If her father chooses you as his partner regardless of age, previous children etc she has to respect that or basically not be around him... You should kind of try to put yourself in her shoes a little bit, I think it would make you understand her anger and maybe you wouldnt be so upset about it. She is immature clearly and is possibly doing things to upset you purposely or she is just an insensitive person and doesnt care about other people's feelings. Either way, you have your own immediate family in the house with your children, one on the way etc so really, don't sweat it. If you read other posts... it is for sure a good idea to make sure that any really rude or unacceptable behavior towards you is intervened by your husband.. It seems like an on going problem for blended families on here that the step mothers are always fighting their husbands to stand up for them. So I would say make sure to nip that in the butt ASAP! If we let them slide we have really horrible problems later on. She may even be looking for the negative attention.. and by you freaking out or getting emotional she is getting a reaction. Just ignore it all as mkroopy says. If she doesn't want her child around you or the grandfather than who cares. I mean really let her win and say what she wants... just keep your life, direction and the immediate people in your life your focus. These daughters these days are out of control.... Just a side note* my dad is with a woman who is his 3rd woman after my mother. Every single one of the woman he chose I have always shown respect to. Even at a young age. Regardless of my personal opinions of them, the current gf he has now I don't really like the things she does, or the way she acts sometimes and my dad and I talk quite often. He will be upset or hurt and vent to me. But I never let that take over. Everyone is human. If dad likes her and she treats him well to the best of her abilities I'm cool with that. Even if I didn't like her at all and couldnt stand the sight of her.. I would never put my dad in a position like that... He's a big boy he can handle his own decisions and if he needs moral support I am there.... I really think it is the way these kids are being brought up these days with ZERO respect for elders... Goodluck and I hope it all works out... Try not to stress too much with the pregnancy and all! :)