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What to do?

9 years ago

Hi, I am looking for some advice... I have now been with my boyfriend for 1 year and he has a 5 year old girl from previous relationship. No contact issues and she is a very happy little girl, the mother is brilliant and I have bonded with the little girl very well.

My boyfriend has now turned around and said he doesn't think he wants any more children in the future as he is worried it will have an impact on his current child and he would feel too guilty setting up a 'new family'. He is also scared that he will be in the same situation again in the future i.e has a child not with the mother.

We would not be thinking about children for another 4 -5 years and I honestly think his opinion will change once she has grown up and the ex has probably set up another family of her own.. I am worried that I may be waiting for something that is never going to happen. I honestly do want children but I love my boyfriend and couldn't imagine my life without him.

Comments (3)

emma
9 years ago
My guess is that he doesn't want any more children and he is giving you an excuse. Children are a big financial responsibility I don't think he wants that. I understand his view point and yours. I don't blame either of you. Someone who doesn't want a child would make a poor parent.

I think you are going to have to make a decision children or him.

This post was edited by EmmaR on Tue, Apr 29, 14 at 20:12
colleenoz
9 years ago
Well I guess it depends a lot on how old you are. Are you prepared to wait 4-5 years to hear a "no, I really don't want children" answer? If you are in your early 20s that's not such a big problem, but if you are 30 then if you decide to split over the children issue and start over, you may be up against it in finding a new partner and getting a new relationship established in time before having children is a moot issue for you.
And, are you prepared to give up on the idea of children to stay in a relationship with this man? If not, then it may be better to cut your losses now and move on rather than invest another 4-5 years potentially fruitlessly.
You think now you can't imagine life without this man, but a year ago, he wasn't your boyfriend, so it is completely possible that if you did split up, a year from now you might not be able to imagine life without someone else.
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jdlb
9 years ago
"4 -5 years and I honestly think his opinion will change"

To all women: Please stop trying to change men. They will not change. What you see is what you get.

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