Love Vertigo and Southern Dazzle! I never cared for spiders, but my eyes seem to be drawing to them more and more, especially purples, lavenders and pinks...and whites! Not so much oranges and yellows. Lovely, lovely daylilies! Karen

There's always one, and it was me, but in reverse to your situation. I have 3 brothers, and none bothered to even call Mother more than once or twice a year in her last years. I moved her to an apartment here from 725 miles away because one brother, who lived 2 miles away from her in AZ wanted to be PAID for taking care of her finances. In the 3-1/2 years that she lived near me, she never paid me anything except lunch maybe every couple of weeks. I saw her several times a week, and we talked on the phone daily. When she passed away, age 95, the last 8 days in the hospital, and I was there at her side at least 12 to 14 hours every day, a couple of nights sleeping in a chair in her room. I couldn't call out except locally, so I'd ask my husband to call one brother and update him, and ask him to let the other two brothers know what was happening. Right after she died, I got an email from one brother complaining that I hadn't been in touch as much as he would have liked. I told him that was his younger brother's job, and if he had any complaints, to take it up with him. Granted, one brother lived 500 miles away, and two were 2/3 of a continent away. But you'd think they'd try to see their mother, right? One even said, well, I don't want to see her now, I'd rather remember her the way she was. My husband and I did everything, cleaned out her apt, and took care of the estate, burial plans (no funeral service), everything. I boxed up all the little things from her apt and sent it to the younger brother and told him to distribute it to the others. Except for her clothes, and a few things that I kept, and some heavier furniture, I sent dozens of boxes to the brother. And billed the estate for the shipping expenses, too. I have only talked to one brother in the last 3 years, and I'll probably never see the other two again, unless I happen to run into them while changing planes in Chicago. Not to hijack the thread, but I sure understand your problem! Be thankful that you have two helpful siblings!

Over the decades, I have taken animals to the vet to be euthanized and never brought them home again, taken them to the vet for euthanasia and brought the body home again, and had them euthanized at home. Of those options, home euthanasia has been easiest for all concerned - the animal being euthanized and the surviving animal siblings. In my experience, animals - cats and dogs (and horses) - have an instinctive understanding and acceptance of death as long as they are given the opportunity to acknowledge it. The only time I have seen my animals experience angst and grief after the loss of an animal companion is when the companion simply "disappears", never to return home again. But as long as the survivors have the opportunity to acknowledge the body after death, acceptance of the passing seems nearly automatic and involves little or no lingering anxiety or grief. For this reason, I now try to have euthanasias performed at home so that the animal who is passing can be as comfortable as possible, and the animal survivors know exactly what has happened. If the survivors choose to remain in the room during the procedure, they have that option. If they choose to go elsewhere, they may do that. The euthanasia itself doesn't seem to upset them, though the vet's presence may. After euthanasia is completed, I lay the body on a dog bed in the livingroom overnight to give all of the other animals the opportunity to "view" the body before I take it to the crematorium the next day. If I must, for some reason, have the euthanasia performed at the vet clinic, I now always bring the body home for the overnight viewing so that the other animals can acknowledge the passing. It really does help them accept the absence of the passed animal without anxiety. If there is any way to avoid it, I will never again have an animal euthanized without giving the other animals the opportunity to view and acknowledge the body after death. I would not, however, take surviving animals to the vet clinic with me to witness a euthanasia. The trip to the vet would cause undue stress for the survivor(s). The viewing of the body should occur at home, not at the vet's clinic. Laurie

Sweeby and the others said it very well. As a MOM, I completely understand that innate desire to protect your own. My DD7 came home from school last week all sad because her "best friend" wasn't her best friend anymore. She said her friend would not let her play with her and a group of other girls at recess. AUUGHHH. It broke my heart. :( Today, however, everything is all a-ok again. So--your situation is obviously more serious and your DS is dealing with some very real and serious issues; I'm not trying to compare what he's going through to playground spats. I just meant I understand that "mama bear" instinct. The first thought I had is that this has all been very fast for your son. You and dad have been divorced for less than a year? And dad is already remarried? That's a lot for anyone to handle, let alone a 7 yr old. Is he in any counseling? I think a sit-down with dad is definitely in order. Honestly, your son would be strange if he DIDN'T have any feelings/issues about all that's happened and all that's changed. But I would also urge you to take it slow and wait and see how things unfold. The version you are getting from your son may not be accurate. Sure, it may be how HE perceives things to be, but kids' perception is often skewed, particularly when they are working through emotional issues. My SS is 7 and my DD is also 7. We've been together since they were not even 2, and lived together since they were 4ish. But even NOW, after all this time, SS will go to his BM's house and say one thing. It's usually some unjust he feels---ie, Dad sent him to time-out and not DD, or DD didn't have to eat all her veggies, and he did. ETC. While there is usually a GRAIN of truth in what he says, he often, as kids do, will neglect to tell the whole story. DD didn't have to finish her carrots because she ate her whole first helping and asked for seconds. Dad told SS and DD to stop doing ________ and DD listened. SS continued to do whatever it was and THAT'S why he went to time-out. ETC. I would proceed slowly and speak with your DH about what your son's been saying. Always keep a CLEAR line of communication with your ex and make sure your son knows that you two will talk regularly and freely. The more open you are with each other, the less likely it is that your son will manipulate the situation. I'm not saying for sure that's what's going on here....but it could be.