I'm grateful that my son's step mom was kind to him. I'm not sure how positive of an influence she was because she later got involved in drugs and went to prison, but when my son was around her, he was taken care of and happy. I'm glad for that. She hated me but she treated him like he was her own, so for that I have to give her some respect.

I appreciated that my stepparents were good to me growing up. My mom and sd divorced years ago but I am still close to him and his family-they always treated me as family and still do.

I appreciate my son's stepmom. She's a very kind woman who treats my son like he's her own on good days and on bad days, and believe me, there are plenty of both! I truly appreciate everything she does from driving 3 hours for a soccer game, to calling to check on him seperately of dad, to hanging out with him while he's bouncing off the walls during a medicine switch, to birthday parties. She's wonderful and my son adores her.

A Funny Story:

When my son was younger I got a call from his daycare one day about a song he'd made up about having two moms. I had to explain to his teacher that I wasn't a lesbian, he's got a step-mom and myself and he calls us both mom. LOL

I wouldn't say I appreciate SM #1. I think she took the appropriate role and was nice to my child. Then again, they only had visitation and saw my child rarely at that due to distance. However, I really liked her. I think she did what any SM is supposed to do in that situation, but because she didn't do less doesn't mean I need to appreciate her.

SM #2, nope no appreciation and I don't think she deserves it.

it sounds like nivea has a number of SMs too. :)

I appreciated SM1 (10 years) because she treated DD nicely, and DD likes her. She was not mean or never showed any kind of preference towards her bioson. I also appreciated the fact that thanks to her DD has a brother. :)

But X left her. :( DD keeps in touch with SM1, but due to DD being grown and away to college it doesn't happen as often.

X has a new woman, I don't know her. DD just met her, she says she is nice but due to DD's age and geographical distance she won't be a huge part of DD's life. I am greateful once again though DD will soon have another sibling.:) 20 years difference...

Oh prior to SM1 X had a live-in GF for 5 years whom DD saw every weekend. She was nice to DD, I appreciated her being nice to DD, she was a little girl then.

All SMs are fine, intelligent and nice normal women, treat DD nice and DD gets along with them. I just wish X settled with one for life and stopped running around chasing women.

In a way i appreciate though that X never brought any mean or crazy women in DD's life. They are all nice. I also am pretty sure that as crazy as X is he would not let any women to mistreat DD.

Yep, and a whole lotta girlfriends who have tried to act like SM's in between.

Actually, SM #2 started dating ex before his divorce from SM #1 and immediately she started trying to rule the roost as TOW.

Maybe there is something about being TOW and immediately trying to rule the roost. Maybe it is fear that the tenure will be short. My Xs SO (yes TOW) called me up repeatedly this weekend to complain that my DD and I are in between her and a good relationship with X, including the fact that DD and I are preventing her from being accepted by his relations and businees colleagues. I was so speachless she hung up before I could say anything.

Oh I wonder now if it is something about being TOW. Rule the roost.ha
Current woman of X-husband is TOW who he left his second wife for. She left her husband too (she has no kids, X has 2) As soon as they moved in together she got pregnant, within few months after X and her left their respectful spouses. I kind of wonder of her motives of getting pregnant right away, she was married to her husband for awhile and they had no kids.Hmmm. She could at least wait for his divorce. Now she knows she will stay for at least awhile, he won't leave right away. Will see.

kkny, this is awful. None of X's women ever called me. How can DD prevent her from being accepted. Did you tell your X that she bothers you? I am not TOW, but if I would start calling my SO's X and tell her that she prevents something (which she actually does indirectly) then I think SO would tell me to stop. And if I would say his children prevent anything he would certainly not like that! Tell your X. What a crazy woman!

How can DD prevent her from being accepted -- well with his family, she can say either her or me at dinners, etc. Now at the end of the day it is his call. As to work related things, neither she nor me have any pull. I suspect X wants to hide it from people that he was having affair. Who knows if she spoke to him first -- my guess, he said I cant do X or Y, it would upset DD. I told him she is not to call my house and I dont want DD left alone with her.

If she is TOW, what else did she expect? Most children don't want to accept TOW ot TOM. Even grown children. Let alone young ones like yours. Did she expect to be loved and treasured? I wonder if this reltionship is goping to last...Doesn't sound so to me.

Dont know, dont care. X is well off, she doesnt appear to be working now. So my guess is he will do whatever he wants (not talking about physical violence etc.) and she will sit at the pool sulking.

Seems to me the post was supposed to be aboout appreciating stepparents. Why am I not suprised that others would turn it into a complaint party about how horrible stepparents or ex's so is? Funny that some people go as low as to suggest "with his(dads) family, she(dd) can say either her(dads gf) or me(xwife) at dinners"
and can even make the request " I dont want DD left alone with her" because she made a frustrated call, which I am sure was not unprevoked.

I feel sorry for dd. Sounds like she has become bm's pawn in this whole soap opera between bm, bd, and bm's gf. Sad to see kids used to get even!

I hope the pool is heated :)

Mom2emall,

Many of these threads morph, some by SMs complaining. As to your assumption that call was unprovoked, where do you get that from. DD hasnt seen Dads GF for months, what could she do to provoke? If she is frustated (as oposed to unstable), it has to do with her expectations.

I said the call was probably not UNPREVOKED...meaning I am sure you prevoked her.

Well if you were married, or seriously involved with someone and your SO's ex was calling SO relatives, or having their child call him or his relatives, and telling them to exclude you I hardly doubt you would be happy about it! You would probably be frustrated too! It is not odd to expect that as someones SO you would be going to family/business functions with SO. And if the so's ex is complaining about you all over town, including to so's children, it would be frustrating. This woman may be TOW, but that was years ago and you should have started the healing process by moving on. Instead you constantly pull out your expense list when you get angry and you vent to your dd about her father and his gf. Again, I feel sorry for dd. It must be so hard on her to feel that she has to be loyal to you and stay away from dad and gf. You have put her in a very hurtful situation with your anger. And your exh also put her in a horrible situation by destroying her family.
Poor girl.

Sorry re my typo, I realized you meant provoked.

I dont have any discussions with XMIL other than how is DD doing, etc. School atheletics. Normal Grandparent discussions. As to my complaining re her to my friends, I dont think we travel in the same circles, so how is this bothering her. My DD can make up her own mind. Your right, it was a couple years ago. In that time, if Dads SO wanted to build a relationship she could have. If she hasnt by now, and starts acting loony, not my problme. In short, if her life isnt what she wants, it is up to her and X. IMHO, she should have realized that there would be consequences. And her blaming others --

Have no appreciation for SM#1, she was crazy and mean to even her own kids when she lived with my dad.
SM #2. THE BEST!!! LOVE her all the way and still do. She loves my child now and is always welcoming in my home.

This was supposed to be an appreciation post, because we really don't have many here.

Its usually ok to vent, but please don't start attacking each other.

mom2emall, I don't think kkny has that much influence on her X or X's family or even on her own kid. She isn't that powerful. If TOW cannot build a healthy relationship with kkny's X, I think it is very convenient that she blames someone else not herself or her SO. It is typical.

When my X left his 2nd wife for TOW, my XMIL almost had heart attack and his son didn't want to talk to him for a month, and DD told him "dad you lost your mind", and I can even imagine how my X's wife reacted, but he and TOW didn't break up because of that and are doing fine nonetheless and managed to mend relationship with everyone. So no kids or parents are powerful enough.

So if kkny's X and TOW are not having good relationship with each other and other relatives then they should stop blaming others but look into themselves better.

I am a Mama #2 to two beautiful girls. I will never get a sincere thanks from Bio-Mom and you know what? I don't care. I love my kids. Thats right...I said MY kids. I have my girls 80% of the time. I raise them like they are my own. Daddy even refers to them as "our children". I think being a bio-parent is a consequence to an action. You had sex so you got pregnant. It takes actions BEYOND that to make you a mother. Bio-Mom hates my guts because she still loves daddy. She ended the marriage mind you. She bad mouths us constantly in front of the girls (in the rare case that she has them). We never bad mouth her. Thats the girls mama and because we love the girls we take the higher road. In the end I only want whats best for them and thats having a relationship with ALL parents....thankless or not.