I think it's on the Easter thread, but somewhere around here there's a piece of advice that lasers in on the target:

Don't count on someone who's been unreliable in the past;
*never* leave the kids vulnerable to feeling like they've been dumped.

*Always* have a "plan B" (or maybe a Plan A, mom actually showing up like she's supposed to might be Plan B...) in place,
don't let the little ones know that mom is/could be blamed, tell 'em her job hours are too long or something,
& *act on Plan B*.

Take them to the egg roll in the park or whatever, have a good time, & don't make an issue of it with their mother;
if she says she knocked on the door 3 different times, both you & hubs could say, "Oh, my, maybe you should have phoned after the first time, oh well, no prob, everything worked out just fine, & how was your week-end?"

For the advice. We decided to never tell them she was coming for them after this incident.

I have to say that I do get really tired of making excuses for her though. Never blaming Mama gets to be hard when it is in fact Mama who keeps dropping the ball, you know?

We had already done our Easter with the kids that afternoon so at least they got an Easter. When she did finally pick them up the one being accusatory and making an issue out of the situaion was her. I guess she had massive guilt and was trying to make the girls think it was MY fault. So frustrating.

All the pieces fit and everyone works to act as a family except her. She is the thorn in the perverbial side of our family. I just know she will wind up scrambling the girls minds with the games she refuses to stop playing.

Plan B will have to be a given when dealing with her obviously.

I agree with Sylvia less one thing - don't make excuses for mom if you don't know them to be true. Saying "There must be a reason she couldn't make it" doesn't give her an excuse but it doesn't say what you would really like to.

It is SO HARD not to just break down and spew all the nasty truth to them. You have to remember it would do no good - she is their mom and they will love her. If they opt to feel otherwise they need to reach that point on their own. My Sd always comes to me as well when mom lets her down. and as she got older she would ask questions like 'why do you volunteer in my class every week and my mom doesn't?' There are a hundred things I would love to say there, but all I could say was 'There must be a reason." She figured out mom's reasons soon enough, sadly.

I know. I would never tell the girls the truth because in the end it would just hurt them. I dread the day when they are old enough to get the picture. It makes you question why god would give some people wombs.

Is that horrible of me to say? It is isn't? I just get sick of watching an adult act like that spoiled selfish child that beats up the other kids on the playground so they can get their way.

Frustrating and rage inducing does not begin to describe it. I love this kids. They are all I have and watching their mother (of all paople) hurt them and poison them is driving me nuts.

I was taught this little ditty ...

You cannot change another person you can only change how you react to them.

I used to call BM ...

teflon mom... nothing stuck.

MOTY ... mother of the year.

put her on the pay no mind list...

Do what is best is for your family. Always assume mom is not going to hold up her end of the bargain. Doesn't matter the bargain .... even if its showing up on time.

love it. It is so true. You are both so right. We will never play up an outing with Biomom to the girls ever again.

I felt like I had lied to them when she didn't show. Never again.