Stepchildren and wills

vanessa1960

19 years ago

Was married 3 years ago to a great guy. He has 2 adult children. One lived with us for 4 years since he was a minor and has recently moved out. The other has never lived with us. I have a daughter who is 25 who has also moved out. We reside in my family home of 45 years. I bought the house 20 years ago from my siblings and have fought long and hard over those years to keep it (single parent). My husband brought nothing (besides love) but a minor child and debt. After we were married I explained to him that I wanted my daughter to have our home after we passed on. He was ok with that. The other day however, he told me that his oldest son (who has never lived with us) said he would fight tooth and nail for our home. Well, I freaked out and the gist of what I said was basically, too bad. My inlaws also think it is unfair of me to do this. It's not like i am leaving them with nothing. They will get money from my life insurance policies that I have been paying for, for 25 years. I am not going to split everything down the middle. My priority is my daughter. If I die before my husband, then he will have the house until he dies and then it will be left to my daughter only. I do have a will stating this (one of the do-it-yourself ones). My question is should I clarify this to my stepsons or just wait until they hear it in the will. My husband NOW thinks it should be left to all 3 kids. The house is still in my name and the small mortgage comes out of my paycheck. Anyone else going to have this problem?

Thanks

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Comments (10)

kkny
19 years ago
HI, what a terrible situation.

1. First, you need to see a laywer. Yes it costs money. Get a real will. Get it videotaped. Send video to DH, kids.

2. Two, I would get rid of this guy. If he goes back on his word now, it will only get worse.
jenny_alabama
19 years ago
vanessa1960, you are definitely not wrong!!! You made your request a long time ago and you stick to this! There is NO way these SK's can take this home away from your daughter....and I would let them know that right now. Although, I would go to an attorney with your will and make sure everything is stated that cannot be argued over. If this home is to go to your husband if you pass before him....sounds like he will give to his kids. I am not sure of your laws in your state...in Alabama if your husband's name is not on the deed - it will go to your children - not his. My husband argued this with me when we married and "assumed" our home would automatically go to me (my name originally was not on the deed)..we went to an attorney when I sold my home and I asked our closing attorney what would happen if he died....he said IF my name was not on the deed, it would automatically go to his kids...and they could put my daughter and myself on the street. As long as you have EVERYTHING covered - no one can touch this...as matter of fact - if you pass first - your daughter could make him move...although I am sure that would not happen, but sounds like if it is the other way around...your SS will kick someone out! This home should go to your daughter - it was in YOUR family...I would not budge (you made this clear in the beginning) your SS can do NOTHING - good luck.
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kkny
19 years ago
I see a mess coming. I would change life insurance to daughter. She will need money for lawyers. The whole family is vultures. Also, I would name daughter as executor of will. Please do this now. If they give you a hard time, better to know now.
helenar
19 years ago
I think there are many sides to this. A marriage is about sharing. Do you a pre-nup? My sons have been kind and respectful to my DH. His daughter has been awful. My expectation is that my DH will leave at least half of his property to me. He had promised more to daughter, but she has been mean and disrepctuful. why shouldnt my sons share equally? He gave plenty to the X in divorce. She can take care of daughter.
sweeby
19 years ago
One very logical arrangement is a simple policy that:

- What was yours before marriage passes to your heirs
- What was his before marriage passes to his heirs
- What was jointly acquired after marriage passes to the surviving spouse, then evenly to all of your heirs.

It sounds like this is pretty close to what you want -- and it makes a simple, straight-forward, hard-to-argue-with statement of policy that shouldn't freak out or offend any of the now-adult children. State the policy, then explain what it includes.

Since you do anticipate a possible disagreement, it would make sense to take your DIY will to a real lawyer for review and to discuss your wishes with an estate planner who can structure things like titles and beneficiaries to make sure your goals are met. Look into "life tenancy" to allow your husband to remain in the home until he passes.
kkny
19 years ago
Sweeby,

Your arrangement may not suite older couples and isnt what they agreed on. As to what was jointly acquired -- if he isnt working, it seems to me the answer to that should be none. Would you say that if the hosue has increased in value from teh marriage date, that part of that appreciation belongs to SKs? That was not what OP says they agreed on? It seems to me that this guy is lucky to get free rent, his kids should be happy with that.
vanessa1960
Original Author
19 years ago
Thanks everyone for your replies. I def will add the "life tenancy" but my daughter would never make my husband move. The house has increased in value since my marriage because we have remodeled every room basically in the house. We do have a whats mine is ours policy regarding money. My daughter considers her step-dad to be her father and the feeling is mutual. I also love my "new" kids hence the fact that I will leave them a nice life insurance policy, over 100K each after my husband and I depart this world, The reason I say I will leave them this much is because I have had these policies for a very long long time. I was very surprised to hear that my SS felt this way but I can only do so much and I refuse to change the way I feel. For many many years my daughter and I struggled and went without so we can keep the house that I grew up in. A few years before I got married I came into a position at work that enabled me to have less money worries so its not like I would have lost the house if it weren't for him. I also know she would let her "brothers" live there for as long as they want if they ever needed to. But in the end I want her to have ownership of the house. After reading your replies I made an appt. with a lawyers office for next week. I'm just not going to mention it to anyone since they know how I feel.
coolmama
19 years ago
Yep,I agree with kkny completely. money makes people crazy,protect yourself.
Ashley
19 years ago
vanessa,

If you know that your daughter would never make your husband move, the easiest thing to do would be to Quitclaim the property to yourself and your daughter AS JOINT TENTANTS WITH RIGHTS OF SURVIVORSHIP AND NOT AS TENANTS IN COMMON. This will assure that the property goes to her when you die and is the simplest way to do it.
kkny
19 years ago
Yes to what Vanessa said,

also, in my state, if DH doesnt have medical coverage and needs to go to state for Medicaid (means tested), they will count the house as an asset if even partially in his name. This could be a big deal. My sister and I (both of us who lvoe our mom), dont put anything in moms name becuse of this. Definitily better to put in daughters named

Stepchildren and wills

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kkny

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