VermiScum, hate to say it but your size is far larger than almost all of us on this board. You may have to resort to some experimentation with this one. The link in the second post mentions IR not bothering worms. This passes a quick common sense test in my mind - longer wave length, less energy, less damaging to cells. There are several IR cameras now available and even some IR vision sets. There are also low light amplification systems out there. Both are the basis for methods of night vision. Both can get really expensive quickly though. Two cheap IR systems that jump to mind are game trail cameras for hunting and some baby-monitors with video feeds. Something like this may allow you to test it and return it if it does not work as required then step up in quality as you need.

Point taken, wrychoice, this one does hit home and I'm having a bad day. I think what gets my dander up about hopper2008's posts is what other people have cited (the apparent arrogance and the striking need to prove herself superior, esp. to the former wife & kids), but perhaps I'm taking it more personally because of my situation. The only other thing I really reacted to that other people hadn't already mentioned as irritating is the projection factor. That is, hopper2008 making it out like SD is the one being childish, unreasonable, immature, insecure and manipulative about this situation. Which may very well be the case, but if hopper2008 isn't in some way, at some level, tugging the other end of the rope, then it's a non-issue. If it's a non-issue, then Hopper2008 would simply make sure her husband knows it's okay for him to go to his daughter's wedding without her (and doesn't stand on any principle or misplaced idealism about unity, loyalty or whatever and create a very difficult situation for DH and SD on her wedding day b/c she can't face the reality that she and SD simply don't get along and pushes it at the wrong time & circumstance.) I guess I reacted especially much to the projection aspect because my Dad's wife plays that game of telling herself & other people similar things (i.e. "whatever HE wants to do"; "HE's choosing to do such-and-such"). It's crap, don't buy it if you ever hear this sort of thing. No parent except the lowest form would EVER so quickly and unequivocably "choose", "freely", to leave their kid in the lurch, even if said kid was being a brat. These husband/fathers DO NOT WANT TO TURN THEIR BACKS ON THEIR CHILDREN and they DO NOT do so easily. I mean, unless they are scum, in which case I'd have to ask why anyone would want to be with scum like that. These men (or women, when it's women in these situations) may seem like they are "choosing", but they are BACKED AGAINST THE FRIGGIN' WALL and make these apparent "free choices" under tremendous duress of one sort or the other. For example, I know this because my Dad got me a plane ticket to visit him behind my SM's back (via money order) and always calls me when she isn't around; he called NINE TIMES on and around X-mas ---when she was out--- because he felt so guilty about telling me I couldn't come. Because it wasn't what HE wanted. I know for a fact that SM was telling people "he decided" to not have me there, b/c he was so "disappointed" in me, or whatever the H3LL.... Meanwhile, these "independent decisions" of his always seem to benefit SM, for example HER sister and brother-in-law were there at Christmas in my place, and she got some home improvements done (FOR her not BY her, to be sure). My SM isn't fooling anybody! (Well, I can't say that.... she's not fooling ME and several others ---including my Dad--- but maybe she's fooling somebody somewhere.) In this kind of scenario, if a parent seems to be making a choice to turn their back on their child ---especially on a really important or significant occasion like a wedding that they would otherwise never want to miss--- and their spouse is acting all "my dog ain't in that fight", or more obviously, even GLOATING about the parent's "choice": look closer, ask some more questions. Barring possible reasons such as the most scummy good-for-nothing parent or child on the planet, in most average situations with average people with average issues and flaws, there is more going on than meets the eye. It's more than one person tugging the rope. One way or another, the spouse is also manipulating the situation, or at the very least, is getting a big payoff (emotional, financial, circumstantial, etc.) from just "sitting back" and 'watching" the fight. Saying things in plain English (i.e. "don't go to your daughter's wedding without me or I will be very upset and might divorce you") is only one possible method of getting one's point across. Other methods include: -The Silent Treatment -Sexual Freeze-Out -Generally Being a Stone-Cold B***h Until He Changes the Situation to Your Way -Acting all Hurt and Crying ("Why Doesn't SD Love Me?!?!") to Play the Victim -"Forgetting" to Do Something You Promised (such as get groceries to have food in the house) So He Gets the Hint You're Not Pleased About X situation -"Forgetting" to Give Him His Prescription Medications That You've Made him Dependent On You For So He Gets the Hint... (a favorite tactic of my SM's; actually all of these are) ...and there's probably myriad other sick, twisted ways of controlling a situation that aren't even occuring to me because I'm just not that perverse. (Would have to get in that Stephen King "Misery" headspace to comprehend it more thoroughly.) Admittedly I have some bitterness about my personal stepfamily dynamics (on one side of the family anyways), but apart from any offense it gives anyone, I hope that at least hopper2008 and perhaps anyone else who feels they relate to her will perceive in my words the effect that her apparent attitude may inspire in an SD in that kind of situation. And to just be careful, as kkny said, about the hubris factor. It's humbling to hear it, but hopefully it puts things in perspective b/c it's never a good idea to go around thinking of oneself as being perpetually in a catbird seat. Not with the way our society and relations between men and women tend to go. Plus I think it's good 'tactical' advice, to be kind of Sun Tzu about it: a strategic choice to 'lose the battle' (over being at the wedding) in order to 'win the war', or at least *appear* the bigger person and pre-empt any feeling DH might develop about being on a leash and starting to resent it. (Men tend to wriggle out of a leash millimeter by millimeter... you don't see it coming, and then poof! They're gone! Or even worse, they stay...) This particular advice isn't meant to be about pleasing the man, or the SD, but covering your own behind and not thinking you're invincible or always going to win.... or even always going to be around! So picture the points I made in my last post but with a bit less 'edge'... and hopefully it's illuminating.

P. from the previous comment, if I were you, I would take the advice that you should have empathy for the children's mother. I would also not get caught dead in the comparison trap; if she has fallen into it, that's her issue, but don't even go there, you are comparing her best to your worst, and this goes with any kind of comparison. Seriously toss everything else! That comment has touched a couple of nerves I thought could never be ignited again. You don't have to be a biological parent to understand or accept detrimental behavior. BIOLOGY DOES NOT CREATE UNDERSTANDING. Bad behavior is bad behavior, no matter what the origins are. Being a former spouse, a bio-mom and a step-mom myself, I couldn't disagree more with what was just told to you. How you feel, how you behave with a stranger that is about to take care of your children is absolutely a subjective matter, probably based more on your own personal family history, your own self esteem, and absolutely not on biology. It sounds like you are just trying your best to make all good. Women tend to want to improve things, fix things, make everything alright. Sometimes, I am afraid, you just can't. Feel empathy for that woman, accept her for who she is (and not for what she does) if you are able to. But other than that, try and let her deamon stay her own; do what you do, walk away. In my step-family groups, I would sit and hear stories of women getting away with despicable behavior, all in the name of their biological connection (heralded in front of the step-parents of course). I think it's time that us biological mothers step up to the plate and show some nobility, especially when children like your steps seem to be blessed with a step-mother who loves them, who cares for them. The biggest turning point for me was when I realized that the children would behave with me in one way and with their step-mother in another way. That's when I realized that something had to be done, that the gap we had been forming needed to be bridged. I can't say that we talk on a regular basis now, nor that I agree with much of what she says, but when something throws me off, I keep in mind that she loves my children and my children love her. Sure, it bothered me when I first heard them call her Mom too, but in the big picture, is that what really matters? No, that's just my pride that is hurt (I thought I was the only one to be able to hold that title from the day they were born). The children have improved in so many ways since she and I had our pow wow, and some times we need refreshers just to make sure we're still on the same page. But that kind of talk needs to come from her I am afraid. It sounds like she is not open to you right now, so you just have to sit tight and wait. The advice I give you is this, if her behavior really gets out of hand, I would have your husband talk to her. After all, she is undermining the children's stability. It sounds like they care for you but sometimes feel confused about allegiances and act up. If his conversation with her doesn't work, possibly seek counseling or a group therapy environment where you can air out your grievances. She is unlikely to accept that option it sounds like, but if he brings up change in the children's behavior and that there seems to be something wrong with them, I doubt she won't want to seek a solution for the good of her children. I don't know if you have any religious or spiritual beliefs, but praying has always helped me... and I'm not talking about those, "Oh God, help me..." I'm talking about serious meditation, journaling if writing is your thing... One of my mentor moms told me once, "My step-wife kept me on my knees for many years, but now my children thank me... all of them!" I took that advice to heart... and of course, if you find a group of step-parents, or even just of parents, you may find your biggest allies. Online, it's a crap shoot if you ask me. Looking someone in the eye is always better. Best of luck, hold onto your family, and I look forward to hearing good updates (I know it will get easier with time. Remember, it's not time that changes things, it's what people do during that time. If she doesn't come around, I am sure you're going to be able to become strong and take it like a mama!).

I think a lot of people here are missing the point about the citrus collections in and around Florence. They are a 'museum collection' of ancient citrus varieties - some individual plants believed to be around 300 years old. They have survived floods, freezes and wars, and they are grown in the traditional way with the only fertilizer being composted animal dung. The soil (US=dirt) in the pots was, and often still is, the local sandy river-basin loam. The majority are lemons, citrons and bitter oranges because other species common today were unknown in the Medici era. Many are 'bizarre' or 'monstrous' types (horned, furrowed, strangely-shaped) because people were becoming interested in how these deviations arose. And they are not grown to produce lots of fruit, but to enhance the look of ornamental gardens and to preserve the old varieties. It is unfair to say that Italy is not a modern citrus producer. But not in the Florence region. If you check the statistics, you will find that Italy grows about a third of the tonnage of USA. Not bad for a much smaller country. For tangerine/mandarine/clementine types production is even equal to that of USA. Thanks to Laura for posting her photos and impressions.I tried to help her visit Tintori nursery and the Medici Castello collection - but perhaps another time. And thanks to Vladamir for pointing out the link to my website page about the Medici citrus collection. Reading this thread made me go back and update some pictures and links, as the page was over 10 years old. Best viewed on a desktop or laptop, rather than a phone, see http://www.homecitrusgrowers.co.uk/citrusplaces/medici.html