I feel for this girl, whose mother hasnt called her. I think you and DH could be a little understanding. This isnt like she was on the phone with a friend. Can you imagine how you would feel if your mother wouldnt even call you, and she finally did. I think DH should call or email his X (however they normally communicate) and say it is really good that she called, but could she please try to respect bedtimes.

Well I am not sure I would have done anything differently when it was going on. But you bet after she hung up the phone we would have had a talk with her about listening. No matter who is on the phone if we are saying its time to get off the phone then its time to get off the phone! And I am sure the bm had to have heard your dh telling her time to go, she should have let her daughter go instead of keeping her on the phone. It was bedtime for goodness sakes!

I'm sure your going to get some posters (i can think of 2 or 3) who are going to try to say its fine for sd to be rude when she is talking to her mom. And sd does not need to listen when she is on the phone with her mom. There should be no restrictions-she should be allowed to talk all night if she wants to her bm! LOL!

But I would be upset too! Its obvious sd was disreguarding what her father was telling her, it does not take 15-20 min to say goodnight and goodbye!
Since this is not a regular thing (from what you have said about bm not calling much) I would let it go. If it becomes a regular thing then I would have dh let the bm know when she calls that _____(insert time) is bedtime so they need to end the conversation by then. When sd comes to get the phone I would have dh tell her the same thing. Then hopefully it does not happen again!

Exactly what he did ... if it becomes habit then take it up with mom but since she rarely calls ... let it go...

Or for the next few days.... no phone calls other than homework and mom.

Reason: Next time I ask you to get off the phone you will think before you speak.

I think that punishment is awful harsh. I admit I dont have first hand experience with a mother who doesnt call her daughter. Did anyone here when they were growing up have a mother who didnt even call them? If not, we can all only imagine how terrible that is. How this child must feel. Neglected. And worse. Again, not like on the phone with a friend. Then the punishment might be reasonable.

You're right KKNY you do not have any experience ... MYOB

Why not try something radical and only post on what you "know" about.

So can I assume you were neglected by your mother as a child? How terrible. I am so sorry to hear that.

I would have done the same thing. And, the most I would do is follow up the next day with something along the lines of look I know you havent talked to your mom in a while and I understand why you didnt want to get off the phone but regardless you can not and will not talk to me like that or catch and attitude with me when I ask you to do something. I know it is hard for you with your mom and all but it doesnt change our relationship and the way we work you still show me respect and I still show you respect... I was respectful enough of your need to talk to your mom to let the conversation go on past bedtime... When I finally said it was time to hang up you should have respected me enough to hang up like I asked.

How long has it been since BM has called before this?

If "quite a while" is a couple weeks ago, then I'd go with what MO4 said about you know how she feels, but she shouldn't catch an attitude.

If "quite a while" is 6 months, a year, more, then I would have let her talk through the whole night if she wanted and then sleep in in the morning if that was a possibility.

My daughter's father was on the 6 months to a year plan for a while, but he never bothered to call or see her for more than an hour at a time, so the problem has never come up for us. Now it's been well over 2 years since he's seen or talked to her, and the last time was only because we were out to eat and he was a couple tables away.

She seems to have let him go now, but before he came around just often enough for her to really yearn for that attention, and it just broke my heart so much that I would have paid him to call and talk to her all night. Now I hope he gets hit by a bus because he's finally given her enough time that she has learned to go on without him and she does not miss him and stress over him like she used to, and I'd just like to keep it that way, but that's a different story.

Any communication from NCP should be handled with care, by everyone but most importantly the NCP.

I was thinking the same thing myself oh my about time frame. In my view if it has been any significant period of time, two months or more, mom should have phoned dad first and said hey I want to call daughter and would tomorrow at such and such a time be good for all of you? They should have worked out the length of the call and mom should stick to the agreement. A willy nilly phone call from an errant parent can be disruptive to the family routine and cause a lot of unnecessary grief.

Perhaps mom ought to call with more regularity so that daughter isn't left hungering for her sporadic attention.

How old is SD? And what was the conversation about? if it was about newest fashion then mom or not mom, it had to end at a reasonable time. if however a kid (of any age) shares somehting serious, intimate, important et then maybe it could be looked at differently. i do think that DH needs to talk to mom about not calling regularly and how tough it is on a kid.

I agree with oh my.
If DD would be on the phone for 2 hours late at night with dad I would ask her to get off the phone and talk to dad tomorrow. But then again DD never felt abandoned, if dad never called maybe I would let her talk the whole night.

On the other hand what do they talk about for 2 hours?...

I was not nearby during her conversation. I did hear bits and pieces and a lot of it was about the babies her mom has, from what I heard. But I did not ask her what they talked about. Figured if she wanted to discuss it she would tell us.

I do not think sd should be up on the phone all night and miss the following day of school just because her bm decided to finally call. My dh and I have both told her before how much it hurts sd when she does not call. This had no impact. She made excuses and acted like it was not her fault. Don't ask me whose fault it would be then becuase I am not sure? Maybe the govt. for not giving her enought welfare? Maybe the phone company for shutting off phones when people do not pay bills? Maybe it is someone elses fault she can't keep a job? UGGH!

When my sd talks to her mom it is not so much about her other kids. My sd tries to tell her everything about herself to catch her mom up! I'm not really sure how much her bm even says.

And I agree I do not think my sd should stay up all night talking to her bm just because she finally decides to call. And my dh has mentioned she should call more, but she doesn't.