Remember what Readinglady said when her Dad passed away on Thanksgiving: "Nothing is lost, it is simply unseen". Thank you for that poem, this first Christmas without Dad or Stepdad was very different. We didn't even try to make things the same, we started some new traditions, as difficult as it was. Elery got a Santa Claus suit and came as Santa, enthralling all the little kids, that's going to be a new Christmas tradition we keep, I think. Dad would have loved telling the kids how the reindeer were down at his hayfeeder, but I'm sure he was just sitting and chuckling anyway. Annie

I took that statement to mean that she has low self-esteem and that it was self-affirmation. She's already said that BF's family thinks she is a dumb little blonde (how does she know this? Is BF telling her they think this?), that BF has told her in the past to just deal with SS' rude behavior, and now he is catering to SS at her expense. Annie, I know that you want to do what's best for your kids - is this guy really a good role model? A good step-father? Obviously he's not a good BF! Is it best for your kids that you are in a situation which led you to drinking? (Congrats on stopping, BTW). Are you going to AA meetings? You'd get a lot of support there, and it's so important that you not start drinking again. My advice would be to not worry about finding a new man, but to work on making yourself the best Mom and the best person that you can be. Believe me, your kids will be a lot better off with a sober, happy, responsible Mom and no Dad figure at all than with a Mom who is unhappy and drinking and a male figure who is indifferent to them and/or blaming them for his son's discontent.

I think I missed a part of your story. What is the mom's husband in jail for? Was he the one "touching" Simon? There are lots of posters here who can relate to finding out their SC lied about them, so you're not alone. My SD has embellished things to get her BM's approval, and even made up lies stemming from things we actually did (she told her BM we were filing court papers on a Sunday night when all we were doing was dropping off DH's speeing ticket payment in the court dropbox). It causes the bio-parent to react and give the kid attention, which is what they are going for, regardless of who they hurt. Alot of times this is done to gain favor with the bio-parent. I know it doesn't make it any better that other people have gone through the same thing, but it is definitely nice to know you're not alone in a situation where you feel really alone. Hang in there. I know it's tough, but you are doing the right things.

Thanks for all the comments. As to some of your questions, the biomom isn't a mother by any sense of the word. She is a user and even borrows money from SD (she works weekends as a waitress) and never pays her back. But my SD defends her, so I just stay out of it. As for SD grades, yeah, her grades have dropped. We are not exacting parents, but we do prefer to see A's and B's. My boys both had all A's and B's, with one exception: 17 son had a C in his dual enrolled math course. SD had 3 C's...she was simply told to bring them up, but there was no consequences. Besides working Thur. Fri. Sat nights, she plays Varsity BB and has practice 4 times a week. She then plays SB in the spring. I have spoken to DH and he has agreed to try and be a bit more fair...I told him it was that or we just weren't going to last. Today was day one...and we'll see what happens from here. As to what he thinks they're doing when they are together...well, this is true...I kid you not. The boy is a "christian" and has "christian" parents and HD seems to think that makes him trustworthy. Hah! SD room is detached from the main house...about 60 ft. away. She and bb like to hang out in there alone. HD allows this. One night I was outside by our fire pit and they came out of the room and turned out the outside light. It got very quiet and they stayed there for several minutes, so I called out "Hey, no lingering in the dark!" SD stormed into the house and told her dad what I said. She told him they were PRAYING!!! And he believed her! I just couldn't believe he fell for that. Anyway, I appreciate all your comments and you are all right...he has to do the changing, for both his sake and SD. Thanks!