I agree. Though it is rare when I agree with TOS or KKNY, I have come to enjoy having them as part of this forum. There may be a severe lack of empathy on their parts at times and a definate lack of understanding where most of us SM's come from, but I still look forward to seeing what they will have to say.

They do a good job of reminding us that there is always conflict in the world and we have to learn to work within it. They are a reminder that people will take whet we say and nit pick it to turn it against us so we should always watch what we say. Once you learn to appreciate them for what they are and realize you can not change them, they are almost funny. It can take a while to reach that point, but it's a great lesson and accomplishment when you do. Helped me to realize I can't change my husband's ex, I just have to work within the parenting abilities she has.

Yep, that is why I don't post in the general discussion forums anymore. I wasn't very active here until the last couple of months, so not sure about who's who. But my experience in posting forums tells me that the main problem is that we are not face to face and some feel they can say anything they want. There's no repercussions because no one knows them. I once said, "why don't your print off this thread and show it to your husband and kids, show them how you behave when your identity is hidden". I said that in a forum where there was no censorship. I like THS because there is such an assortment of topics.

New THREAD, not forum..This is Step parents forum..Opinions welcome,cruelty and insults not..If you are the person who started this thread, also lost a child like Misti,my sympathy to you ,I would stand for you too...I hated the fact she was getting banged on, and if you are considering me among the skirted pirhanas, I think you have your school of fish mixed up..Call me sloppy second, tell me I m a goldigger, what ever trash you want to sling my way, you drew first blood, and you may get insulted back but , why start the junk????? And if they are hurting people like Misti and yourself for that matter, a decent person would say get lost.....

I don't worry about it overly much. The old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me." comes to mind.

Be at peace tonight. We have tornado warnings here! No worries, we've not lost power yet or cable, but my patio table bit the dust. D@mmit!!

dotz, I understand your pain... they take it upon themselves to initiate every new step mom/dad here. I used to let it make me angry and I'd get frustrated because their narrow minds lack common sense. But if you think about it, you can't help but feel sorry for them.

One has spent nine years pining away for an adulterous man that she describes as a depressed shell of a man that doesn't see his children or properly support them. She thinks so little of herself that she will defend him to the end. She has two graduate degrees but lives at poverty level because he left her for an affair... an affair that he had because he was 'depressed', yet he has been with his other woman for nine years (he married her). She has convinced herself that he is only there for her money and that's probably easier for her to accept (and puts all the blame on the other woman) than to admit that he wasn't happy with HER and that it's all the other woman's fault he doesn't see his kids. Apparently, he can do no wrong.. it's all the other woman's fault and for that reason, she will always speak out against the step mom. It doesn't matter if you are also a bio mom, if you have become a step mom too.... then you are just wrong. It doesn't matter if she has to change her views to make the step mom wrong. It's just very pathetic to me.

and the other one, she apparently has a high paying job and makes a ton of money. She has one 15 year old child she raises with the help of an au pair. Her ex husband also left her for the other woman (I've picked up that she's much younger & probably much more attractive) He's living with his other woman (that apparently sunbathes by the pool too much and is a golddigger) and he also doesn't see his child as much as he should. She uses their financial agreement to take out her frustrations against her ex husband, adding up every little thing to make him pay.... not that she needs it, just to make him pay. But at least, I have seen some common sense from her and she's contributed some wisdom to the forum. I cut a little slack there because she's only been divorced a couple of years, and the dirt bag cheated on her. And I don't think she's pining away for him at least.

Overall, it sometimes feels like I'm being forced to sit through an evening with my mom that hasn't moved on and my husband's ex that thinks everything is someone else's fault and neither will take any responsibility, they don't seem to have any faults. They are always the victim.

IMA, FINALLY a voice of reason, I am weakening, I just came here to say, hey what do you guys do in this situation and this overwrought stuff takes way too much to continue with what I thought would be an adult discussion on issues...Been on the site for 7to 12 months, posting not often because of the trash talk, almost thought it could change to Grown up Town, guess not gonna happen....

I look at it this way. The BS they put me through sometimes, makes me appreciate the BS I have to deal with from BM. I came here to vent because I get frustrated by her and I need an outlet so I don't tell her what I really think of her, which won't help our situation.

I love ya Dotz. Don't know you personally, but think you have a wonderful nature to you. Don't weaken! I think you're a sweetie & Ima you are too. I thank you both for all your support. It just shows how caring you all & many on here are. I appreciate the consideration. Ima you make me laugh. Are they really real & are they who they say they are? Can anyone be that far off?
Jonesy, I showed my DH the responses to my first post & he totally saw things different. It was like something zapped him. He finally understood how serious I was. I don't know why it took other women writing things, but it worked. Especially the woman from Texas. I can't recall her name. She shocked him. There was definetly a variety for him to read.
JustNotMartha, I do scratch my head wondering what type of person is typing this stuff. Like...are they real, are they serious, are they women, or cruel teenagers trying to get our goats? So I took offense to some of the things written but did laugh at much of the stuff. They can't be that delusional.

Wow IMA you really summed up our two devils advocates! Don't forget to mention the kind sm's like cawfe, sweeby, helpwiththis, me, you, and any others that have had to fill the shoes of bm's who are not living up to their responsibilities, though we get little credit from some people on this forum!

One could point out that at least my marriage lasted over two decades. My self-esteem is just fine, and I do not have to resort to arguments of the sour grapes variety.

Sometimes I've wondered if some stuff, here & in real life, is soap opera.

but soap operas are sometimes real:

my cousin's husband left her 15 years or so ago, divorced, remarried, & has a family (cousin has no children).

My cousin won't even go on a date.

She insists that he & she are still married & that they'll be together in heaven.

(don't know where she thinks The Big Guy is going to house that other wife & the kids.)

Misti, I'm glad *somebody* shocked your husband,
but I can't think who it might have been;
I don't know no shocking woman from Texas...

Only 2 decades????My marriage lasted close to THREE Decades. and I still have a VERY difficult BM LMAO!!!!!

Sylvia ... sometimes you are brutally honest (good or bad)... but you say alot of what the most of us are too afraid to say.

I haven't seen an "amen sistahs" in a long time.

Imagine if you had them as the BM you deal with... the only positive .... is atleast they would be involved with their children. And not expect someone else to pick up the slack then stab you in the back for doing so.

I can read a post and know exactly parts are going to be picked apart.

Like with Misti and her SD's .... it was Misti's resentment of them blah blah blah... rather than the SD's parents getting together and blasting their children for being insensitive to someone else's feelings doesn't even matter Misti is their dad's wife... they were being cruel and no one wanted to correct them ... they might get mad... the parents should have sat them down and set them straight. But no Misti was the wrong one... not the mom or the dad and god forbid the SD's take any responsiblility for their own actions. Poor things are children of divorce.

And getting into to IMA's finances ... they want to know where every dime came from and how she did it.... People live within their means... plain and simple. If you know you are on a limited income you do not go putting yourself in debt to keep up with world. Many many low income mom's go with out so their children can have. People do what they need to do to survive. But instead of patting her on the back for making a life for herself and her children, SD included they want to know how she did it 20 years ago... just nutz.

Went on a job interview the other day ... the barely 20 something stick figure ... asked me "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I said ... I don't know if you had asked me that five years ago I certainly would not have said "married with 6 kids looking for a job"... she said .... well think of an answer and we will come back to it.... I left with in 2 minutes ... I thought I had answered it. :)

Sylvia, yes that would be you & thank you very much. It was good for him to read those responses. It worked. I got an apology & he accepted full responsibility for letting skids ever disrespect the first time. It goes back several years but I never pushed the issue, just walked away much of the time making excuses for the skids. You guys opened mine & his.
Cawfecup, she probably was shocked by the number of kids. That's alot of children to be caring for. I'm in awe over you mothers who have taken the role of SM to the fullest. I admire & respect you mothers very much. I don't know how you all do it.