I had a share of not so good men in my life (I have been divorced for a long time so i did my share of dating). I dated this guy who disliked bright colors, let's say if I would wear red: he would say i dressed like a fire truck. Of course I didn't want to stay with control freak like that. As soon as I broke up, i bought red dress with red shoes. hahah i needed that change: I will do what i want! and I dated a guy obsessed with weight, he watched what i ate constantly. I am not heavy at all but he would still watch. So when i left him (obviously i didn't want another control freak), the very same week i asked a friend to go out, we went and ate like pigs out of protest! For few weeks i ate ice cream, cookies etc. Just to prove to myself that I start a new life when nobody will control me. then I of course went to normal food. ha

Sometimes when you are out of unhappy relationship, you want to do something you didn't do or weren't allowed to do in that relationship. I think it is normal to get new clothes and maybe get rid of old ones. Like a new beginning. Like leaving unhappiness behind.

mom2email, so DH's X also dated on the side? So did BF's X. I wonder if it is so hard to find somebody decent when you are single, how all these women find dates being married? Unbelivable. BF says X was involved in a lot of volunteer activities, like building houses and it involved travelling and that's where she met TOM. But she also had affair at work (confessed) and with the former student of hers. It is a mystery to me because I am decent looking and am fun to be around and yet I often couldn't meet anybody. How do they do it?

I don't know about anyone else, but I did not want to find someone that I had to 'fix'. (or someone that wanted to 'fix' me) I love my husband for himself and is he perfect? Of course nobody is. But, since we've met, he has made a few changes. He's grown a mustache, then shaved it off. and he finally accepted that his pants size changed and no longer wears tight ass jeans (which were NOT flattering) and of course when he makes a change I like, I compliment him. From the outside, his family & friends (and ex) could say that I'm 'changing' him or making him do things different, but he has a mind of his own. If I buy him something I love but he doesn't like it, it will sit in the closet or go back to the store.

and getting rid of his 'past'? He still has boxes of pictures from his past relationships. I would never ask him to get rid of his past memories. They remain in a box in my closet that he is welcome to keep as long as he chooses. He will probably give it to his daughter when she is grown. Our life is in the pictures that hang on our walls and in the albums we keep out to look at when family comes over. If they wanted to look at his box of pictures (with his ex), it wouldn't bother me. It's part of his life. (I also took several pictures of his daughter and his ex and created a collage frame of pictures when she was a baby. That hangs on his daughter's wall, just above her bed.)

Changing clothing styles or hobbies is not getting rid of someone's past. Of course, it seems to be the ex that bought the shirt (or other article of clothing) he threw away that assumes it's the jealous new wife that is insecure, when in fact, it is the husband's choice to get rid of it. It reminds me of my husband's myspace pictures. He posted some pictures of him and his daughter when she was a baby (sleeping). It was an adorable picture and I put a comment that I loved that picture. The next day, BM went on there and posted a comment like "remember when I took that picture? It's my favorite." It irritated him and he deleted her comment. I'm sure she thinks that I made him delete it. Of course, if she moved on or wasn't obsessing over him, she wouldn't be looking at his picture albums on there.

"It is a mystery to me because I am decent looking and am fun to be around and yet I often couldn't meet anybody. How do they do it?"

I think it's lower standards.. They don't sound like they were looking for a life partner. And sex partners aren't too hard to find, especially if you aren't very picky.

Yeah, I guess you right, low standards. It just seems weird how many nice single women I know, and I am one myself, who don't always find a decent guy to date or just go dancing with let alone marry. And here are these married women who get the guys. And X is, pardon me from bluntness, a very ugly woman, when i first saw a picture from a far I thought it is a bad looking overweight man, that's how she looks. Ouch. Sometimes I think life is unfair.

Arent we supposed to compliment each other??? This is from my first marriage wedding invitation(I picked this)Dear friend, We are land and sea, each the others opposite and compliment!!!! (Herman Hesse) Boy I have to laugh at my self for putting that on there, I guess I knew he was my opposite(but sure turned out NOT to be my COMPLIMENT!! LOLOLOL Yes, we are supposed to compliment one another, realize that now that I m older, didnt know it when I was younger...I have many good pretty smart girlfriends that cant find the right guy too, I guess finding mine was just dumb luck..when you find the guy where you dont have to edit yourself (Somebodys mom said this)THATS the right guy!!!!This clothing thing cracks me up too.....I left my EX with a garbage bag full of clothes, that was IT....BIG clothes..And thru the stress of the mess I kept dropping and dropping until one guy told me I had the body of an 18 yr old, and future DH called me PETITE!!!(Thats the day I decided to marry HIM!!! LOL)THEN came cool clothes , new hair, better make up, jewelry and purses....and I was back in the game because I felt good, and people started TREATING me good, because I felt good about myself I think...I noticed the guys I dated were wearing new clothes on our dates, which I think was nice they cared(my DH included)But some guys, its just not that important to them, if you could gently guide them to something cooler. then I would......

I think change is healthy especially after something like a relationship ending. It helps you to have control over something and feel more confident about yourself.

My DH (and I love him so) was sooo very clueless about clothes and just about everything that didn't have to do with taking care of the kids and home. He had been so overrun with trying to make a marriage that wasnt working work, while taking care of the kids (basically on his own), going to school and working that he just didn't have the time to take care of himself.

Now a days he is happy... and we are a team so he has more time to take care of himself and I love to take care of him too. I got him a NY Giants jersey since it is his favorite team and they made it to the superbowl.. I can't even tell you the number of times that he gushed that no one has ever gotten him something like that just because... It's great knowing I made him feel that way... and it's nice to see him in something nice.

His ex just told him the other day that he has changed he isnt the person he used to be blah blah blah.. He came home and told me that and I was like yeah... you look good, you are happy, you don't let her nonsense push your buttons anymore... you have changed and it's for the good. She is just angry she isnt apart of it and she doesnt have control.

To this day the women wears old t shirts of his from when they were married. And, there have been times when she comes bounceing out of the house in one of those old t shirts that are white with no bra on...I am pretty sure that she does it to irk me... what she doesnt realize is that is just makes me feel bad for her. She has not moved on even the slightest... and wearing what amounts to raggedy old clothes that does nothing to make her look good.. just to irk me or perhaps attempt to remind him of something..just makes me think...Why would you do that to yourself... wear some clothes that flatter you for goodness sake. Stop doing whatever it is you are doing and make yourself happy because this isnt it honey...

she wears her X's t-shirts from the time they were married? Huh? Oh my. it is kind of sick. Reminds me of those sick guys who keep old GF's underwear for memory. Eeewww

yes, yes she does...it is a little distrurbing but after awhile it's just kind of sad...

BF threw out clothes that X left. She packed the whole house with all the furniture and dishes and CDs and movies and pictures and moved to her new place without letting him know, but "forgot" her clothes. Two years later and we still find somehting here or there, and no, BF doesn't wear what he finds hahahahaha.

lol... I can't imagine why you would want to... I mean when you are in the realtionship it is kind of nice to wear something of theirs esecially if they are out of town or something but long term... I don't even know... like I said it is weird...

I occassionally find things of ex here and there like when i cleaned out his old trunk to refurbish it... but I usually just give it to him and say ... what do you want to do with this... most times he throws it in the trash.

That's okay when we first got together, and they were pretending like they were on good terms they switched cars for like a week... because her brakes were bad and (his reasoning) she had to drive the kids to school and he didnt want her to do it with bad brakes... so in her world (because she can't do anything by herself) she needed someone to get the brakes fixed for her... Anyways long story short I left a brand new silk tank top shirt in his back seat...

I tore up everything looking for that shirt... turns out she found the shirt and took it... I wouldnt have believed it myself expect apparently she admitted it to DH later and then I saw a picture of her wearing it... I was sooo very poed

that's sick. she took and wore your shirt?

On the other side BF had other suspisions. He never changed his locks and he suspects she has been tresspassing. How do we know? Few years ago he bought her expensive leather coat, she was too big for it, but didn't want to return it. Coat was hanging in the closet when she left, it was hanging there when we have met. The reason it was hanging there BF wanted to send it to his sister. Sister is mentally disabled and is always happy to get new stuff. Coat still has tags on. And she is about that size. Then we were away on vacation and wanted to mail it after vacation, and we came back coat was gone. X knew BF was gone. DDs had no clue where coat went. One DD lives out of state, the other one is in college out of town. So who took the coat if not X?

The other time DDs asked her to give back Christmas decorations and a tree that she took from them without asking when she went to TOM, DDs stay with dad for holidays and wanted their stuff. She reluctantly gave it back. Tree and decorations stood in the same spot in a basement all this time. I know exactly where. When nobody was home shortly before holidays both tree and decorations were gone. There is no other explanation. there were other incidents. And no, she never gave key back. I guess why? hmm. BF will change the lock now, finally.

Fine Dreams your so's ex and my dh's ex are two peas in a pod!! She moved out one day, while my dh was at work. She took EVERTHING her greedy little hands could fit into a moving truck. My dh came home to an empty house, though he did eventually get the kids back and go buy some furniture.

What was funny is that she did not take the irreplacable stuff, such as photos from her childhood, things from her dead relatives, and memorabilia from her childhood. She also left lots of clothes, shoes, and coats the kids had outgrown and she no longer wore. My dh did not go through any of it, just kind of left it in the closets and moved on. When we got serious and talked about moving in together I helped him go through it all and he threw it away. She called years later, after we bought our first home together and mentioned specific items to me and asked me to look for them. She also thought we should give her the kids old clothes so she could put them on her new kids! The nerve of her!! Like we kept her stuff around for years, did we look like a storage facility? I wanted to tell her that she should have taken the important stuff instead of all the costly stuff when she moved. She has moved so frequently she does not even have most of the stuff she took anymore anyways. I find it funny! As for the kids clothes, we gave them away to relatives with kids who fit into the clothes.

As for her dating when she was married, I would not say that she ever got a "good one". I think the guys were mostly flings. She had low self-esteem and just wanted someone to pay attention to her more since my dh was working full-time and trying to finish college to boost his career. Her bf she left my dh for was abusive, a drinker, and just a jerk. I guess it must have taken a while for his true colors to show...she was in "grass is greener on the other side" mode.

She did try to inch her way into my dh's life after we moved in together by telling him her new bf was abusive and asking my dh if she could stay with us for a little while to get back on her feet!!! (Needless to say, she never moved in with us!)

Why would anyone throw out perfectly wearable clothes? Do you all have enough money that you can afford to throw it away? I have lots of clothes that I "inherited" from my exH after they shrunk, as well as a lot from my daughter and even one item from my mother. About 80% of my kids' clothes are hand-me-downs from friends, most of whom had only one or two kids - they can be pretty sure that everything will fit someone, eventually, since I have so many kids. Some of these clothes are really expensive name brands, and almost all in pristine condition.

Just because I am not a control freak didn't mean my exH could walk all over me. There is a huge happy medium between those two extremes.

And as to the clothes preferences - he had very specific preferences for the entire time I knew him. I am supposed to believe that within weeks of moving out he suddenly loved the styles he had always asked me never to buy for him because not only did he not like them, but they were uncomfortable? Yeah, sure.

I will throw out (or give to Goodwill) perfectly wearable(even New)clothes if they have some bad memories or feelings attached to them...NO money in the world is worth it....Just got rid of 2 expensive designer sweaters that came back to me last Sat...Unworn..Bought them for the SSs 3 Christmas ago....Guess happy contented EX hid them so they couldnt be returned and then they came back..SS doesnt live there anymore, so assuming he would have took it with him, or thrown it out, or exchanged it if he didnt like it....SO, Boy, theres a message from her, but I ll be darned if I can figure it out...Bye Bye sweaters LOL

TOS, nobody talks about nice children's clothes. I donate those, don't throw them out. But I wouldn't wear X's clothes. I don't see under what cirusmstances I could wear man's clothes? And even shrunk man clothes is too big too long and too manly. And overall X is X. My mom gives me clothes she cannot fit into, she is slightly bigger than me. But X and mom is not the same thing. I and DD share clothes once in awhile, like sweaters. But again DD is not X. i just don't get all this wearing X's clothes business.

TOS, it maybe that your X used to like that clothes when he was with you and maybe he still does, but maybe he wears something different with his wife to pease her and to make her happy? BF would wear red flanel pled shirt and ugly khakis everywhere if he would be on his own or still with X. If he could, he would always dress up like on a hunting trip. But to make me happy he does dress up once in awhile. he never had a suit (he is a chief- engineer, holds a highly paid professional position in a large company, can you imagine never having a suit?) He had to buy one to go to some events with me. Does he like it? no. Does he hate tie? yes. But he did it for me.

So is it possible that your X does it for her? they were together for 9 years, there must be something in it. If I and BF break up, I suspect that he will wear his farmer comfy style clothes again. maybe if your X divorce his wife he will go back to wearing comfortable clothes, i don't know.

returned sweaters after 3 years? how mean. and how selfish. and SSs never even knew about it. what's wrong with people?

Wearing your ex's clothes 9 years later?? Hmmm...sounds like fatal attraction (the movie!!) I can say I still have some clothes I wore in past relationships that I still wear, but I do not have any of my ex's clothes! And my dh does not wear any of his ex's clothes. That just seems wierd to me????

As far as the sweaters Dotz bought her ss.....I can't believe bm returned them to you years later never worn! And people say sm's are evil? Though with my recent situation with my dh's ex not paying for her pictures she ordered and sending the kids valentines junk, I did think about just dropping the package back off at the post office and getting it sent back to her! And when she calls telling her we are not accepting packages or phone calls from her family till her picture bill has been paid!OF COURSE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT BECAUSE IT WOULD HURT MY SKIDS MORE THAN ANYTHING!

P.S. no response was ever sent to my e-mail, no calls have come here from there, and no package has arrived yet.....

I just have to comment on this because it made me laugh. If I ever find myself wearing something from my mom's closet, SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!!! She still has stuff from her 1970's heyday. (and before anyone says it's back in style, I'm not a teenager and it's NOT my style!) lol

"So is it possible that your X does it for her? they were together for 9 years, there must be something in it. If I and BF break up, I suspect that he will wear his farmer comfy style clothes again. maybe if your X divorce his wife he will go back to wearing comfortable clothes, i don't know."

I am sure he does wear them just to please her. As to what's in it for him - financial support. I bet he would go back to wearing comfortable clothes. No one on earth could keep me from wearing clothes I like.

Of course his shirts/sweatshirts/socks fit me after they have shrunk, as do my son's. I sure wouldn't be able to wear their blue jeans though. Why would I throw them out, when they are perfectly good casual clothes? No one whose parents were around during the Great Depression, as mine were, would think of doing such a thing.

I just do not understand why your so concerned with your exh's wardrobe now? My dh and I have not dwelled over the clothes his ex or my ex wear. We really never payed much attention to it.

We did however giggle when his ex's bf was marking his territory (giving her hickeys on her neck every time she came to pick up kids when they lived in state). We laughed at how immature she looked and joked with eachother about if her bf was going to start peeing on her next (like a dog marking its territory!). But we never sat there and worried about how she felt about being degraded like that. My dh never acted concerned about her feelings about looking so stupid being her age with hickeys all over her neck!

We did wonder what the kids thought about it. So one day we asked the oldest what was on her moms neck. She said her mom told her that she just bruises easily! Guess the kids never thought about how someone would constantly get "bruises" on their neck! LMAO

TOS, you are not serious are you? Wearing X's socks? never. I'd rather go around bare feet.

imamommy, hahah. Moms are different. I do wear what mom can't wear anymore, we wear same style clothes, she is 62 and is a very young looking woman. She does buy nice clothes. She is just a bit bigger than me and if stuff doesn't fit her, i am very glad to wear it. We also borrow from each other jewerly or purses if we need certain color. No, nothing from 70s. She keeps in style. lol

Okay socks? After 9 years you still wear his socks? I do not think I have one pair of socks I bought myself from 9 years ago!! Strange.....

I think TOS is just playing devil advocate here. Nobody wears X husband's socks.

I have two or three pairs - I guess they make men's socks out of sturdier material than women's. I don't think I have any women's socks that I had 9 years ago, either. I did have a pair of socks that my mother bought for me as a teen until about 10 years ago, though.

tos, you make me laugh today. how much do these socks shrunk? socks don't shrink that bad. or is he a small man with tiny feet? hahah i think you say it all on purpose to fire people up.

I've been married for five years and we've replaced my husband's socks numerous times because they've become worn. But his socks have never shrunk, not even the white ones that I wash in hot water.

LOL.

same with sweatshirts, they don't shrink. mystery...

I do have some old clothes that have stayed with me. Some I wear, some I don't. Guess I just don't want to get rid of them for whatever reason. But as far as my exh's stuff, well when we divorced I got rid of anything I had of his still. He took most of his stuff from our home when we seperated, but I offered him the few things he left after we divorced. He took some of it and what he did not take I tossed. Pictures I kept for our daughter, but clothes and misc. stuff were gotton rid of. I would have never dreamed of wearing his old clothes! Maybe it was because I wanted the divorce, so I was not still hanging onto him, or the thought of him. And do you all bleach white socks? I can not imagine them lasting 9 years of bleaching!

Truly like to think of myself as a nice person, but I gotta bang on you people that think its OK to wear your EX s clothes OK ITS NOT!!!!TOSS IT OUT START ANEW!!!!!GET ON WITH it!!!!!!!!!ITS JUST MATERIAL!!!!!

Yes, they are just socks. They have little or no sentimental value, which is why I keep them when they are wearable and throw them out when they have holes in them. I don't throw out the clothes the OW gives my kids either, even when the first one outgrows them, and if I were going to throw out anything, those would be the first to go. Actually I did throw out one item, but it was so ugly and garish it made me nauseous to look at it.

But saving money is the important thing, right? Take some Pepto and keep it.........

Saving money IS the important thing.

If someone could tell me how me to keep 100% cotton sweatshirts from shrinking, I am sure my son would love to know. It would save him a lot of money. I never was them in hot water, nor dry them higher than medium - though I suppose he might not have a choice with the machines at college.

My socks shrink all the time. They fit fine before I wash them the first time, and 6 months later they are too small - and my feet are the same size, because my shoe size hasn't changed. That's why I wear men's socks, because my feet are kind of large. Men's socks start off too big, but women's socks end up too small.