Nope, you're not wrong. The problem is that your fiancee is the one who has to take care of his son. You can't do it. You can't fix things. His father needs to intervene now and make sure that the boy gets help for his obvious anger.

Frankly, you may never "fix" this situation. As long as his mother is not inclined to participate, you may be fighting a losing battle. She is as much responsible for his upbringing as his father, but if she chooses not to help, you're stuck. I would be darn sure that I wasn't "stuck" for the rest of my life, too.

Moving out would be a good idea, too. IMHO

Just a note from the BM side of life...

I too have a son (he is 8) and my ex's girlfriend of 2+ years and I do not even speak; you cannot assume that the mother is responsible for this childs rude behavour.
10 year old boys ARE rude. Have you hung around a playground lately? To lay blame on the mom is not fair unless you know for a fact she is encouraging this behavour.
It is the job of his father, when in your home, to step in and let his son know what is acceptable and what is not. The fact that the mother made him call you and appologize is a good thing. She can't force him to be sincere, but she did make sure he did the 'right thing' and said sorry.

Thanks for the responses...note to blueyedgirl...I appreciate your point of view from the BM side but obviously I cannot express into words that no one can get along with BM as we have all tried to sit down and talk. Please don't assume I know nothing about children. This child was not the way he is today when I first met him. After several months of the BM (and she has admitted this)slinging nastiness about me to the children, it has finally stuck in the 10 year old's head. So I ask you blueeyed girl how do you undo that kind of work? Have you ever stated nasty things about your ex or his girlfriend to your child? I don't think it is fair to the child at all and am looking for some resolutions on how my fiancee and I can work with this child.

suse, I have been in your situation and still am...it is scary in what you are saying - it is SO much like mine. DO NOT take his threat lightly!!! He may only be 10 - but he knows EXACTLY what he is saying. My husband and I have been married for over 4 years - dated 4 1/2. Things were not that way when we were dating - I thought - I gave the SS's the benefit of the doubt. I had the little smart threats when my SS was 10 - he is now 15 and can no longer come to our home. He threatened my daughter and me with poison and slitting our throats - 7 months ago (not the actual act - dosen't matter). I have done everything to make it work with the SS - nothing has! So either your soon to be hubby addresses this now - no matter what or you need to re-think. If the ex is causing problems and is re-married - honey it WILL get worse.

blueeyedgirl, not saying this is your case - but 99% of the time if the child treats someone like this - there is negative encouragement coming from the BM or BF. My husbands ex tried to act like she was teaching him differently - not so!! She would say anything to make herself look good - at anyones expense. She tried to say boys will be boys - bull!! My child dosen't act that way and I know many kids who are in step situations - and rudeness is not there. If a child at age 10 is smart enough to open his mouth and threaten in that way - that is NOT normal - he is smart enought to know it will cause a problem. This kid needs help - if it isn't too late. If I treat someone with respect - then it is demanded they treat me with respect. If the BM (in my situation) is condoning by not putting a kid in counsiling - she is at fault! I will not put my family in danger (because you do know that many kids 10 and up do kill) We have tried to put the child in therapy - but the BM does not cooperate and neither does he. Sounds like you may be justifying your situation - because not all boys are rude - only if you let them be. Maybe you should open your eyes and maybe this girlfriend is not all bad...just speaking from my experience....I hate that my SS can't come around right now, but our home is settled and at peace now! Just a note: I am re-married, my ex is re-married and they live 1 1/2mile from us. Before we all married - we all sat down and had discussion. It works wonderfully! Not at first - but withing 6 months it was great and still is. I enforce my daughter to respect my husband and her stepmother and her father does the same. Now we know that if something happens to either one of us..they already have that "mother" and "father" relationship with both. When a BM or BF does not try and do these things...they are the one's guilty of not protecting their child. To me if you love your children the way you are supposed to..then you will make an effort to sit down and talk and get to know each other...then maybe ex's will have the right to judge they are good stepparents. I tried that with my husbands ex....didn't work - she wanted no part of it...that is why my SS is not welcome at our home at this time.....

I think it is a good thing to not get married yet. (if at all)
I also think the child's comments are somewhat scarey...even if he was joking (you didnt say if he said it in a joking way or not,or serious) it is STILL not to be taken lightly. He is displaying the anger his mother has placed in him over you. He probably needs therapy at this point to.

I certainly hope your finace had a very stern "talking to" with his son about what he said. Otherwise he is teaching his son is ok to treat you like this and he doesnt have to respect you.He should also make it clear to the boy that when he is your house he is to do what he is told and not disrespect you!
And whoever made the comment about 10 year old boys being rude,I disagree! I know alot of 10 year old boys who are well mannered and very polite who do not say things like that!!!

Ive been married for 4 years now and all the stepfather and my child do is fight and argue about everything. Then he gets mad at me and wants to fight with me. Thats an everyday thing in this house for 4 years now. Anyone have any advice on what i should do? I cant even stand being in this house anymore.

Well,I aint even married yet,and my girlfriend's kid gets into my stuff ALL the time.He never lets us have any peace.He is the loudest most annoying kid I've ever known,and I'm not sure I can marry her either now.