What would be right??

18 years ago

Okay, so here is the predicament...

Oldest SS is 10. He is currently grounded because last weekend his father asked him if he had any homework. To which, he said no. (this was friday after school) Sunday, after a busy weekend, I thought we had forgotten about homework so I went to both boys and asked if anyone had any homework. SS said no again. Later Sunday night I pulled everyone's agenda's and notebooks out of their backpacks to sign off for the weekend. Low and behold he had homework and a ton of it to help study for FCAT. So, he was grounded and had a 'talk' with dad about lieing and so on. Fast forward to this weekend and BM calls us to tell us he stole $10.00 from the little girl's house they were all at that day. Now, unlike the scolding he got for lieing he received the soft voiced Oh man, you can't do that I am disappointed... so on. He was told that he would be grounded for an additional week and he had to write and apology letter. Now, this is not the first time he has stolen. He stole an IPOD out of my jewelry box and stashed it at his grandma's house. Dad happen to find it and called me to see if I was missing it. We gave him the it's not okay to steal it hurts the person you are stealing from you hurt my feelings and so on.

Now grounded for us means no tv no playing no anything except in your room reading. Everyday of his grounding he has tried something that he is not supposed to do ... listen to cd player.. shut his bedroom door and watch tv.

I personally don't think grounding is teaching him a darn thing ... and I really don't think DH's reaction to his stealing was the right one. I was severly upset...not only did he steal but he stole from a family friend and he stole from a little girl who is handicapped .. which to me makes it all the worse. And, this is not the first time. He already got the benefit of the doubt the last time. Even though to be honest I was incredibly hurt that he would steal for me. (Especially since I had already purchased him an ipod for his upcoming bday)

So, I guess my question is what do you think the appropriate reaction to this should be. I feel like DH just doesnt want to be the bad guy (because it is obvious that BM is not upholding any sort of punishment at her house despite the fact that it was her idea) but with two parents trying not to be the bad guys.. what is that teaching him.

I personally wanted him to remove all of the electronic equipment from his room (which is ALOT) and make him earn it back. But, apparently even though DH agreed at the time ... by his conversation with SS yestureday (which was supposed to be us talking to him not just him) He "hasn't decide what will happen and he will get back to him"

So anyways... what would you do ?

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Comments (2)

imamommy
18 years ago
On the first issue of lying about homework, I think I would have checked his agenda on Friday and signed off on any papers before the weekend began. I've had the same situation with SD, but she goes to her mom's most weekends and comes back Sunday night with none of her homework done. It's a tough spot to be in because we can't control if her mom makes her do her homework. She's almost 9, so we have been telling her that it's HER responsibility to get it done. Again, it's probably not fair to punish or ground her if she doesn't do it because her mom may have activities planned and might not be checking if she has homework or telling her to do it when she gets home, we don't know and that's a communication problem between DH & BM.

As for his stealing, I would get him involved in some sort of community service. Painting over graffiti or picking up trash in a park are some ideas. The point is to show him how lack of respect for others affects the victims. (ie. the store owners that come in to find graffiti on the wall of their store, or the families that want to take their kids to a nice clean park but someone has littered all over it.) Taking away his electronics does work sometimes, I've done that with my kids but having them help others or give back teaches them more about taking than just taking away their things. You might even have him write an essay on what it feels like when someone takes your things. I've done that with SD when she does things wrong, we have her write about it. (also gets her to work on her spelling & handwriting)
bookworm_2007
18 years ago
I think too that making him clean up trash in the neighborhood or local park or painting over graffiti would be a perfect idea as imamommy said. He needs to lean to respect other people's things. I also think that by taking stuff away and him earning it back would be helpful too. It is not much of a punishment if he gets to sit in his room full of electronic things to tinker with. Despite the fact that his BM may not lay down the rules with him...when he is in yours and DH's home I would still inforce the rules that you both have no matter what.
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What would be right??

Comments (2)

imamommy

bookworm_2007

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