DH has to understand that he married a woman with children, and he has to treat ALL HER CHILDREN with respect and consideration, not just the one he provided the sperm for.

He doesn't have to "love" the boy ... but picking on him and not having the same rules for all the kids is causing serious problems between him and you ... remind him that you are not just the mother of HIS child, but the mother of THREE children, and you don't like having ANY of them treated unfairly.

God, I was cringing as I read your post at how very hurt your son must be at the most vulnerable of times in a child's life. He probably needs your DH more than ever as a role model and gets thrown to the side like some piece of trash. Does he deserve this treatment? Does your DH understand the permanent damage he is doing to this child? I truly do believe that if I was in that situation, I would lay it down straight .... you treat all of our children the same or WE are out of here. I have done the same with our bio kids and Dad. He naturally has more in common with our son to the exclusion of our daughter. Once I brought it to his attention, he felt mortified - not realizing the impact of his actions. Parenting is tough. No classes in high school. No owner's manuals. Try anything you can to make your husband understand how serious this is. Good Luck and hugs for being a good Mom that is looking out for her child.

RosieL says there are no owner manuals -- and that reminded me of the time my daughter found a copy of my "How to Raise a Teenager" book lying around the house. She picked it up and asked, "Hey, is this an owner's manual?" Never underestimate the value of reading about how other people lived through their problems.

I have a 6 year old SD and Im 7 months pregnant, Im actually afraid that I can't love SD like I do my own daughter. I always thought I loved SD like my own, but I can see how that is probably nearly impossible. Sure, she can be terrible sometimes, but she's 6, that's her sole purpose in life right now. And that's also your sons purpose being the age that he is. I don't think it's so important that your husband love your son the same he does his own children, but it is important he treat them all equally and not let your son know that he's taking the back burning because your husband can't "deal" with him. It's not fair to your son, don't think your son doesn't notice every time he's left out, I was always the child everyone forgot about, Im so very careful now not to ever let any child be left out in my presense. I remember one time when my mother was dating my now step father. I was 12. I have two other cousins. It was Christmas time and he brought glittery stockings filled with gifts and candy to my two cousins (11 and 7) and wrapped presants. He was very aware that I was over my aunts house because she was "babysitting" me while he and my mom went out, he appologized for not bringing me anything and told me they were out of gifts at the store, and later brought me a black and yellow striped plastic backpack. I've never forgotten how it made me feel, and somthing as trivial as mcdonalds probably doesn't make you son feel too great either. Maybe if you husband paid more attention to him, then your son wouldn't do things to annoy him so often.

~Shari

I have read alot of these posts and it seems like it is inedible ,that it is the step-sons that they pick on. Men ,are such like babies,they can't seem to relate to these 10....13 age boys.They are just as human,and it makes me ill to think what they are doing mentally to these children. Were'nt they once that age? They need to grow up,if they are going to take the role of (FATHER'S),and realize how important it is,to nuture these kids and bring up a good honest adult. They can't do that with their actions,and words. I wish they would all STOP and think...before they take on such as a role of FATHER and what it means. I think they need lessons in child rearing.....Gab

We all know that teens are LAZY! That's what they do ... as little as possible! Has your huband spent much time with teenagers? That may be his problem ... teens are a breed unto themselves, and unless you have had direct and daily contact with them, you wouldn't know that this is normal. But it does NOT excuse your husband for leaving your son out. That is just blatant ugliness, and I'm sure that your son is deeply hurt by this. Like another poster said, he doesn't have to love your son but he does have to treat him equally and with respect. If he did, I'm sure he'd be amazed at the change in your son's attitude.